I am only 16 now and my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. And we are in love. And I know we are going to be together forever I have no doubts. And I always have been more mature for my age and I am going to be graduating hopefully before I turn 17 in December. And Justin (my boyfriend) and I have been talking about getting engaged. He is 20, and I am pretty sure he already got a ring and he has a great job so I know he can support me and keep a house. But since I am only 16 now I am having a rough time finding a job, and I am finding out that you have to be 18 to do anything! And I don't want to go to college. I just want to get married to the love of my life. We are together all the time anyway its like we are married we just live in sperate houses. And I don't know what to do about this whole age thing. My mom already agreed to signing for me to get married when I'm 17 but will I still won't legally be an adult till I'm 18 and I don't want to be a married kid. I just don't know what to do. But I want to figure it out before he pops the question. HELP ME PLEASE!:confused:

You sound like your just not ready... you probably need to express this to him before he decides to ask you. You're only 16 in 2 years he may not be "the love of your life" anymore. A lot changes in a couple of years when you are that young. The best thing you can do is just wait until your 18 or maybe even 20 to do this; you don't want to end up being a divorced kid! Divorce rates are very high for young couples... did you know that?

If you are having your doubts now, then you are not ready. Take it from me, I was married young (my first marriage). I wanted to be married, be a wife and a mother. No college, nah I didn't need it. 20 something years later I now regret that decision. I couldn't get a good job without the proper education. I am now in college at age 42, will graduate when I am 43.

While many marriages at a young age do last, just as many don't. You are very very young, it is good that you recognize this. You have only been together for less than 2 years. It really takes much much longer to learn all about the person.

I am curious as to what your parents think about him. Are they supportive of your relationship? Do they like him? How about his parents? The reason I am asking this is because you not only marry each other, but you marry each other's family. If there is tension there now, it will not go away.

Make two lists, one of the pros and one of the cons. Which list is longer?

I hope you don't mind, but I am posting your PM to me here as others may learn from your questions and the responses you get. It is better to keep the advice here on the open forum.

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Originally Posted by amnjut4ever

My parents love my boyfriend. they think he is awesome and the best thing that ever happend to me. His parents like me. his mom calls the the daughter she never had because she had 3 boys. and Its not that I'm having doubts about getting married young its just that I am wondering if I will be able to get my name of our house because I will still be a minor. and my age already bothers me. but we see eachother everyday and we are together all the time and everything seems so perfect neither of us have a lot of friends and we arent really the party type of couple. and we both think it would be better to get married. I just every time I look at my drivers license I look at the JR part of it. and I can't get a decient job because of my age. I just feel like I should be older like a 20 year old stuck in a 16 year olds body. I hate that.:(

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While you may be very mature for your age, you are still young. It is wonderful that your families all like you both, that is a good thing. How would your families feel about you getting married now?

Two years can really make a difference. You need, and I stress NEED an education now. Many companies will not hire people without at least 2 years of college these days. Even McDonalds Corporation is going to that in my area.

In my first marriage all I had was a high school education. I could only work at places like Subway or factories. Now that I am out of that marriage I am back in college. I went to a technical school 13 years ago and got my Executive Secretary certificates, but the jobs I got were dead end jobs. I am now in school for Nursing as it has taken a long time to realize that I would not get anywhere without an education.

Please think about putting this off for a few years. You can still be engaged and set a date for after college graduation. I know plenty of girls that have done this and are still with their men in very happy healthy marriages.

A lot of girls I know got married at 17 however; religion had a lot to do with their decision. Their relationships have worked out however, Its still not something I would recommend to everyone. I can not say it would be a bad thing. I would have to know you to make judgment call.

I would at least wait until you're finished high school to get married. Once you turn 18 you should be able to get any job for which you're otherwise qualified. Of course, with only a high school education, your earning potential will be somewhat limited. Also, you claim that Justin has a "great job." Yet, he is only 20 years old, so he obviously doesn't have a lot of education and experience either. Unless he has some sort of special skill his earning potential is limited as well. What may seem like a "great job" now won't necessarily be so great 10-15 years from now when you're both older and have kids to provide for.

Popping the question only means making a commitment. It doesn't mean you have to get married right away. I wouild definitely wait until you finish high school.

I'm also concerned about the "great job" a 20 year old has. If its so great why do you need to get a job?

Give it time, you will be glad you did.

I think your mom is a fool to agree to sign for you to get married.
I think he is a fool to be messing with a 16 year old when he's 20.
I think you're a fool not to go to school for at least some kind of skill.
I think you are a fool to think that married life is anything like you're experiencing right now.
I think you're a dreamer to think some guy is going to take care of you for the rest of your life.
I think you are foolish to say "yes" if you're having any doubts at all.
That's just what I think.

"babieface85 disagrees: She knows getting married is a risk. She needs to hear why it may be foolish. Just saying that getting married at 17 is foolish will not help her at all understand the possible consequences of her “foolish” actions."

I don't need to tell her any more than I did, she already knows. All she needs to do is read what she wrote in her own words, and think about it.

If your so sure your in love forever, then you can wait until your ready and don't let other pressure you into doing something you know your not ready for. Love can wait for the right time.

Getting engaged young is fine. However, I do think you should wait to actually get married. Many marital difficulties are due to financial stress. You definitely need to make education a higher priority in your life or else your relationship could suffer later due to financial struggles caused by having such a limited education.

The only thing that's bothering you from what I read is your age. You just don't like the fact that you're not older.
What's the rush? He can give you the ring and you can be engaged to get married. Wear it for a couple of years. You'll be surprised at the changes that will take place in that time. You could also try living together for a while and see how that works, with no financial help from either of your parents. You can find a job at 16, everyone works at 16. You can go to school during the day and get a part time job. And in this time you can get to know one another and how you react to the stressors of the outside world. I think it's definitely worth a try. Live together during your engagement and give it a try. With both of you living together and working, you'll surely find out if it would work or not.

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Originally Posted by tobeamiss

the only thing that's bothering you from what I read is your age. You just don't like the fact that you're not older.
What's the rush? He can give you the ring and you can be engaged to get married. Wear it for a couple of years. You'll be surprised at the changes that will take place in that time. You could also try living together for a while and see how that works, with no financial help from either of your parents. You can find a job at 16, everyone works at 16. You can go to school during the day and get a part time job. And in this time you can get to know one another and how you react to the stressors of the outside world. I think it's definitely worth a try. Live together during your engagement and give it a try. With both of you living together and working, you'll surely find out if it would work or not.

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I would live together but my grandpa is a pastor and the rest of my family is Christian and it would cause so much conflict but yes I agree I would live with him:)

PLEASE WAIT!! Don't be in such a rush. I know you are in love and excited to be together but you don't have to get married now to prove that. Everything will happen faster than you know it, before you know it. TAKE your time.

Well then the only option you should choose right now is to wait. You're still going to be together, and still going to be in love. There's no rush to get married. Have I helped?

If you know you'll be together forever then no rush, right? If you want, be engaged but wait a few years for marriage.
I was with the love of my life since I was 19. I knew instantly I would marry him, but we waited and just got married last month (I'm 28 now). We lived together while working through school and graduated college before we officially got engaged. Do these things, set yourself up right for a REAL future together and then make it "official." College made us both more financially secure and we have less stress on our marriage because of it.
(Plus, I'm glad I was actually old enough to drink at my own wedding!) ;)