I'm a 29 year old man and have been with my girlfriend for 2 years.

Almost a month ago, I started fantasizing about having sex with a lot of other men in a gay sauna and am close to actually doing it...

I love my girlfriend and am very happy with her, but can't get this fantasy out of my head and really feel I have to experiment at least once...

If I do go to a gay sauna, and have sex with multiple men, will it be called cheating? Considering that we're not married yet, would it be OK to call it an "experiment" without telling my girlfriend about it and hurting her for no reason?

I would very much appreciate your thoughts

Eddie

No that wouldn't be right. I know it seems like you wouldn't be hurting her but you'll feel really guily after. Ask for a break and then figure out what gender your interested in because a lot of gay men get married to women and have kids and know they are gay the whole time and all of a sudden blow their marriage and decide its too hard to deal with.

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Originally Posted by Nickyblinks

No that wouldnt be right. i know it seems like you wouldnt be hurting her but you'll feel really guily after. ask for a break and then figure out what gender your interested in because alot of gay men get married to women and have kids and know they are gay the whole time and all of a sudden blow their marriage and decide its too hard to deal with.

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Thanks Nicky for your response.

I guess I'm bi curious. I've always been attracted to women. I've never been attracted to real-life men.. I just fantasize about them.. What's really killing me is that I feel a weird kind of pleasure in my fantasy world and I feel I need to experiment just once before I die.. and who knows I may find it disgusting..

You can do whatever you want when your single, since your in a relationship, its cheating and bound to hurt some one down the line. If your serious about living your fantasy, and satisfying your curiosity, then be man enough to set the g/f free.

Yes, as the others have said, this is EXACTLY THE SAME as having sex with another woman. Just because it is with someone of the same sex does not make it okay while in a relationship. It's cheating.

Have you ever thought telling your wife about your fantasy?she may be able to help you either get over your fantasy or help you with it maybe like a threesome.if you talk abou it too your wife maybe she will open up and tell you her secret fantasy.You never know it may help your marrige.

I'm with UnwantedHero on this. The key to ANY relationships is honesty. Once that is gone, the rest breaks down.

In the list of other important things in a relationship, there is understanding and acceptance. If your girlfriend can't accept that you are developing some curiosity about homosexuality, then you have to decide whether it is more important to find someone who accepts you for who you are or if stiffling these urges is acceptable. Nobody can help you with that decision, but honestly if the relationship is strong she should understand. That's not to say that she is going to jump into a threesome, but she might be willing to help you experiment or at the very least let you know that the whole idea makes her uncomfortable and that she would prefer that you do not experiment.

My point being, that telling her is critical. Letting it fester is only going to drive a wedge between you.

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You never know it may help your marrige.

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What marriage??

Lol my bad second mistake tonight dam uni assignments lol I meant relationship.

I think that you should just tell her that you think that you are or something like that but I mean if you do do it don't keep it from her cause with you keeping it from her its not going to do nothing but hurt you from the inside but if you choose to experiment with something like that gohead because that's you and that's what you wanted to do be safe be happy and be real (o^& Y@ (o+$

Got to be kiding man! Of course it's cheating! If you cheated her with another woman, would you call it "experience"? It's the same...

I think it's a bad thing to have secrets with your girlfriend. Seriously, do you love her? If you do, I would hide things from her, especially things like that

Um first of all, I wouldn't just go into the gay sauna... If you don't like it you're kind of stuck there with a bunch of guys doing it, plus you'll always think about it. On the other hand you might like it and then what your g/f is heart broken because she thinks she turned you gay. (Even if you've fantasized about it for years) You need to tell her about the fantasy, you've been together 2 years and if you can't talk to her about that then you might as well break up and live out your fantasy. I'm a big fan of keeping fantasies fantasies, other wise what would we have to fanasize about? Anyway, talk to her about it, even if it's in a joking way at first, just to see how she'd react to it. Good Luck with it!

Is it not a bit like jumping into the deep-end going to a gay sauna? I would be brave enough to be honest(ish) and to tell her that you are having bisexual feelings. By being honest you are maintaining yourself respect and respect for her. By being dishonest you may loose self respect and get caught up in a lie which could you could get very comfortable with - but also very miserable with.
If you can't do the truth then I would take a few months out to experiment with your sexuality. As a single man you can behave as you like. Also there is then little risk of passing on any STD's to her...

Being honest about his feelings doesn't make him a bad person. IF you disagree with his perspective, fine, but you don't know him to tell him he is a bad person. That is an ignorant thing to say. I don't think he should act on his fantasies while he has a girlfriend, either break up with her and then decide to act it out, or tell her and let her figure out what she wants to do, but DO NOT hurt her this way by being so selfish to act it out. She can be affected by it and will be, whether you are married or not. Its time to face the music, be honest or move on, don't drag her down with your own indecisiveness. She deserves more than that. Maybe you are looking for someone to tell you it isn't cheating, or to justify it in some way, but I think we both know that isn't true. Otherwise, why ask the question in the first place?

I am actually gay myself. And by doing what you think you want to do , I would in fact consider it cheating. If I had a boyfriend that wanted to do things with a girl. I would be very upset and hurt. It may be a guy your doing it with.. but its still another person... someone different then your girlfriend. Which means its cheating. Doesn't matter if is a girl or guy. Its another person.. not her. I don't know if you want to tell her about this because eeither she will laugh and say what ever. Or shell get extremely cautious and become the typpe of person to ask you a million questions after yo do something she doesn't like

Just remember, if you believe in God, the actions you are proposing to take (homosexuality) is an abomination. Please pray about this before you do it, it could ruin your whole life.
In response to Capuchin: Let's remember that adultery is when one one person has sex outside of marriage(in this question the participants are not married), and homosexuality is when two people of the same sex have sexual relations.

OK I think that the issue of him being homosexual is separate from him cheating. Cheating is cheating and that is where he will make his mistake. If he recognizes that he does prefer being with men instead of women, he needs to reconcile with that and be honest with his girlfriend. Living a lie is an abomination and could ruin his life and hers. I don't think you recognize that God created all of us and created free will. This means that the choices we make may have consequences, but do not render a punishment from God. How could God create humans with the ability to think, choose and live their lives freely, to then punish them for doing so? The ideologies that you believe have been created and passed down by men with their limited understanding of God and our own existence. Don't take God so literally or the books that were written about what he wanted for us. Life is about making choices, some are good and some are bad. The process of learning about what is right and wrong for each of us, is what God cares about. How we grow and evolve spiritually and how we give and receive love is what is important. God doesn't punish people for being attracted to one another, or for loving someone romantically who is the same sex. Society does the punishing, as well as the individuals who live in it. Rules and laws are set up in societies to create a moral code and sense of ethical integrity for us to follow. God's laws come from within. Our own personal awareness and intuition of doing the right thing and being the best person we can be, we are responsible for that. NOT GOD!

Just cause your interested doesn't mean your gay so I REALLY wouldn't act on any feelings you have.
Sometimes these feelings past and I'd recommened trying to see it through.

Definitely DO NOT do anything that might hurt your girlfriend - fufilling your own desires without consideration of her will HURT however it happens and if your happy then let it be till there is obviously something wrong and you no longer wish to be in the relationship.

You've got to know yourself

b*

Yes its cheating.

Since it appears you have made up your mind, please take others advice and be honest with your girlfriend. And also please practice safe sex!

I am a woman and my boyfriend told me he fantasizes about other man. And me watching him with them. Are relationship his really weird now that's all I think about we are on the verge of a break up.Think long and hard before you do anything. You can loose her forever. Or would you care