I broke up with my boyfriend in May. We started as friends over a year ago and things progressed. He was separated when we met, and had his own place. His ex wife now found out about me and had him thrown in jail on false charges for two months, car impounded, served him with divorce papers while he was in jail. When he got out, he had no where to go and told me he loved me because I was the only one that cared when he was down at his lowest point and wanted us to be together, so I picked up the pieces and helped him get back on his feet. I took care of his two kids when they were with us. I made sure he had a roof over his head, food in his stomach, got him to and from work. All the while I was going to school fulltime and working fulltime. Then after about 8mths he starts doing weird stuff like we went to a bar and I had to run home and get my id he stayed there since I was only going to gone a couple minutes and when I got back he had left and didn't show up till the next day. I suspected something was going on but he denied everything saying I was the love of his life and wanted to marry me. The day before mother's day I asked his daughter to pick up all of their clothes and toys and put them in their bag so they could take them with them when their mother showed up. She turned around and said no you do it. I was playing with her and said well if that's the way you want to be then you're not coming back to my house. Her younger brother who is 5 went outside and told him that I said they had to leave and couldn't come back so he goes into a rage which was not at all what happened. We calmed down and talked and they told their mother the same thing so she told him if he continued to see me he couldn't see his kids. At the time her babysitter was in the hospital having a baby of her own and she goes to work at 3am, we continued to take the kids to school for that week and things had drastically calmed down. I got evicted from my apt because the landlord was selling the building and the day before I had to move, I came home and all of his stuff was gone and he had moved back in with his ex wife. After everything she put him through and after everything I did to help him I don't understand why he went back. He still to this day claims that nothing is going on and that he still wants to be with me. I just feel like I have flashing red lights on my forehead that say DUMBASS. Even after everything that happened I still love this man and would do anything for him. I just wish the pain would go away. I don't eat or sleep and I cry all the time. I don't know what to do. I've been in relationships before and broken up but none of them have ever hurt like this. When does it go away?

The pain never goes away you will always have feelings for them...

it depends... you may get over it and u may not.. I know with my ex-boyfriend when I 1st broke up with him I was so hurt and constantly crying but I started liking this other boy and I was over it but now there is this over boy and its been 2 months and I still isn't over it so I guess it just depends on the person and how much they meant to you... they will always have a special place in your heart but the pain will get easier as time goes on but I know what your going through so just know u isn't alone =]

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Originally Posted by kaj675

When does it go away?

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Right around the time you meet a real man who really cares about you, with his own money, no baggage and no criminal record.

Your situation sounds a lot like a situation I was in (except he and I did not live together). This guy sounds very shady and you need to get away from him. I bet you anything he is probably still sleeping with his ex since he's back at her place. I know you see the red flags, now you need to incorporate them. Basically if you do it today or 2 years down the line, this relationship will end unless you want to be miserable forever and deal with his baggage. Follow your gut and leave him alone. You diserve to be with someone much better than him.

If you aren't eating or sleeping then you should probably see your doctor and a professional for help. As for the pain going away, it could take a few weeks to years. There is no way of telling but perhaps keeping in mind that you have your life ahead of you and that somewhere out there is your Mr. Right will help you breathe easier. I advise you to spend as much time with your friends as possible because they are people who truly care about you. Maybe looking for a new guy would help too. But you should reallly see your doctor if you're having this much trouble. I'm here for you no matter what and I hope everything goes well..

I've tried going out with friends and trying to do stuff that will keep my mind off him and it never works. He still calls me but it's only when she's at work. We went and had drinks a couple weeks ago and talked like normal adults but it didn't do any good. He says to give him some time to sort out his life. I don't have that much time. That could take a lifetime. I want to settledown and get married and have a family of my own and I'm already 32. But when I meet someone I compare them to him and I don't trust anyone. I met a really sweet guy that goes to college and has an awesome job but I wouldn't even give him my phone number because I'm so paranoid of going through the same thing. I hate this.

Kaj

Give that really sweet guy you met your number. In fact ask him out to lunch. You need to get out there and realize that there is life after this scumbag. Don't answer his calls anymore.

I just wish I knew why men do such stupid stuff. I feel sooo stupid. I make 30,000/yr and he made 8.00/hr. He's attractive but his egotisitical personality makes him ugly. I would do everything for him. I would iron his uniforms, bring him breakfast in bed, wash his clothes, do all the shopping for the house, made sure he had a roof over his head, watched his kids while he went to the bar with his friends, fixed his lunch everyday and put little notes in it for him to find, showered him with gifts not expensive but small little jestures. I mean what man wouldn't want to be pampered like that. I have received messages from women on his myspace profile saying that they had been with him. I just don't understand why I even care anymore.

You make more than him, yet you iron his uniforms, bring him breakfast, wash, shop and take care of him--and make MORE money than him on top of that while he's out blowing his meager paycheck on beer...


... and you're wondering why men do stupid stuff?

Kaj,
I know its hard. Sometimes you probably just misss him so much and there is no logic to help you or stop your thoughts. Eventually the pain will go away. You know that he was no good for you. Just as I know that the looser I was was with was no good. However, we did end up falling in love with these loosers unfortunately. That's why it will take time. You wonder "why did he do this to me when I was so much better than him and I treated him so good?". I wonder that all the time too but you got to remember, these men have always been F*** ups. Just because they have a wonderful, stable, beautiful woman in their lives does not change the fact that they have always F***** up in their life and have always been loosers. We saw something more in them than they really are. We gave them a chance that they didn't diserve. We saw the red flags in the beginning but something about them wooed us and kept us with them. Now that they have caused us so much hurt and pain, we cannot give more of ourselves anymore. Yesterday I was driving home from work and I cried the whole way home (I have a 1 hour drive). I couldn't understand why I still felt hurt or missed him (Its been almost 3 1/2 months since we broke up and 5 months since I found out he was cheating). Its hard, betrayl is hard. It will get better. It has to.

When you EVERYTHING for somebody, you basically render them helpless. Why should he do anything when you do it all?? Just because he makes less, doesn't mean he is incapable of contributing in other ways. Even when I stayed home with my kids I didn't bring my man breakfast or iron his clothes. He is a grown man. If I did that, Pretty soon I would be bathing him and dressing him. I already have two kids. YOu don't need to turn him into a child. Take some of your power back and allow him to mature a bit. He needs to be a MAN!! You are making his ego even worse, I wouldn't give him so much of yourself, there will be nothing left for you. If you want him to be appreciative of you, than he has to respect what you do. If you do it all, he won't respect it, he will expect it. If you made a four course dinner every night, it would get old now matter how magnificent the meal. It is the same for everything else you do. Don't be a slave for him, be a partner with him. IT has to be about give and take, regardless of what he or you make.

This totally got posted in the wrong place, I am so sorry!!

I came home one day from school and he was watching his wedding video with his kids on my TV. I was very hurt that he would even bring that in my house much less watch it on my TV. Later that night he said that he didn't see the harm but he understood where I was coming from and if things worked out between us that it would be our wedding video in the vcr this time next year. I thought he loved me and I thought I knew him but I didn't know him at all and now I see that he didn't love me. He says that his kids are his world and he brought them into my life knowing that he was full of crap. If he loves them so much why would he bring them into it if he knew from the start that it was a game. I don't understand.