To be bluntley honest let me start by saying I am a very insecure person, so much so that I don't even like going to stores by myself.

Well my boyfriend and I have been together for two years and I am still having trouble feeling like he even likes me. He isn't very affectionate and when we go out with other couples (our friends) it seems like me and my boyfriend are more like friends. He walks next to me, but he doesn't like holding hands so I have to put my arm through his in order for us to walk side by side and to touch. I don't know if he is unsure about expressing his feelings for me or uncomfortable, but it really bothers me. Also, since we have been together I just hung out with a few of his friends for the first time. He never invites me over to their houses when he goes over to just hang out. He claims I would just be bored because all they do is watch boxing and UFC matches and he knows I hate watching that (which is true). But I don't want to go over there to watch that, I just want to be able to hang with his friends and get to know them so they like me.

My last issue, which is the biggest and hardest to understand is that when we fight, he always says the most hurtful things to me about my past. I admit I say some pretty messed up things to him sometimes too, but he knows I made some mistakes and I've changed and moved on from my past and I want to forget it. But he always incorporates that part of my life into fights. When I told him that it really hurts my feelings when I say that he stopped for a while, but we just had a fight today and he brought it up. I did say that he deserved to be hung for the way he treats me, so that might have triggered him to bring that up again, since I mad that nasty comment.


When I confront him about my feelings he gets mad and just says he wouldn't be with me if he didn't like me. I just don't understand how he can act like this and not think there is anything wrong with the way he acts.

Please help me with suggestions on how I can get him to open up to me so I can understand where he is coming from. I love him and I want our relationship to last, because when we are good, the relationship is real good and we often talk about a future together. Thanks

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dipsetmami69

To be bluntley honest let me start off by saying I am a very insecure person, so much so that I don't even like going to stores by myself.

Well my boyfriend and I have been together for two years and I am still having trouble feeling like he even likes me. He isn't very affectionate and when we go out with other couples (our friends) it seems like me and my boyfriend are more like friends. He walks next to me, but he doesn't like holding hands so I have to put my arm through his in order for us to walk side by side and to touch. I don't know if he is unsure about expressing his feelings for me or uncomfortable, but it really bothers me. Also, since we have been together I just hung out with a few of his friends for the first time. He never invites me over to their houses when he goes over to just hang out. He claims I would just be bored because all they do is watch boxing and UFC matches and he knows I hate watching that (which is true). But i don't want to go over there to watch that, I just want to be able to hang with his friends and get to know them so they like me.

My last issue, which is the biggest and hardest to understand is that when we fight, he always says the most hurtful things to me about my past. I admit I say some pretty messed up things to him sometimes too, but he knows I made some mistakes and I've changed and moved on from my past and I want to forget it. But he always incorporates that part of my life into fights. When I told him that it really hurts my feelings when i say that he stopped for a while, but we just had a fight today and he brought it up. I did say that he deserved to be hung for the way he treats me, so that might have triggered him to bring that up again, since I mad that nasty comment.


When i confront him about my feelings he gets mad and just says he wouldn't be with me if he didn't like me. I just don't understand how he can act like this and not think there is anything wrong with the way he acts.

Please help me with suggestions on how I can get him to open up to me so I can understand where he is coming from. I love him and I want our relationship to last, because when we are good, the relationship is real good and we often talk about a future together. Thanks

---

Hi there,
I would say that your issue stems more from the insecurity you have with yourself rather than your partner's response to the situation. Our backgrounds have a great deal to do with the people we are now, but this can be challenged and changed to suit our needs. I would say that you need to respect your partner's choices in not wanting to hold hands in public rather than trying to 'force' him to walk next to you by linking arms with him, and also respect the distance he requests in going to his mates houses on his own; after all, we all need our own space, and men often try to pull further away if they feel 'trapped' - you may well find that by allowing him his space he will ultimately respond by drawing closer to you. As you say, you've been together for over two years - if he didn't like you and who you were I'm sure he wouldn't still be with you now. Try to have a little more faith in yourself and in your relationship, and I am sure you will reap the rewards.