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-   -   How do I get him to trust me again? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=108174)

  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:56 AM
    srhbomber
    How do I get him to trust me again?
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year straight and we dated before this off and on during that period I cheated on him twice and lied so I made a very bad first immpersion. About a few months ago I hung out with an old friend who is a guy and he totally freaked out. He accused me of cheating on him and wanting to be with this guy. I no that I have a past of cheating but I honestly didn't cheat on him but he refuses to accept that as the truth. He wants me to admit it and he says we can move forward and accept it but he wants the truth, I have told him the truth and I don't no what I can do to make him realize that? I want him to trust me and I am willing to do anything should I just tell him what he thinks is right even no I no that it isn't? And what do we do from here on out how do I begin to gain his trust back? Please help!
  • Jul 9, 2007, 09:06 AM
    Troubled Teen 13
    Hi , troubled teen here
    Your boyfriend should trust you straight away
    If there isn't trust then it is hard to move on
  • Jul 9, 2007, 09:55 AM
    Shaunta
    Umm... Actually She Said That She Had Cheated On Him Twice Before... Why Should He Trust Her If She Cheated On Him Before?? He Has No Reason Too... But Again If He Doesn't Trust You Why Are You Two Together Still?? No And Don't Tell Him That You Cheated On Him If You Really Didn't... Why Would You Tell Him That? If That's What He Wants To Hear Then That's What He Wants To Hear Hes Not Going To Change It And If You Do Tell Him You Cheated How Do You Think Things Are Going To Be? Because You Lied To Him Twice And Then You Tell Him You Cheated And You Really Didn't That Would Be Three Times... Tell Him If He Can't Accept The Truth Then He Has A Personal Problem...
  • Jul 9, 2007, 05:17 PM
    talaniman
    Well since you learned nothing from your mistakes of the past, they have come back to bite you. Who is going to trust the word of a two time cheater. I wouldn't. So what is he supposed to do when it looks like your cheating... AGAIN. If you where so willing to do anything to get his trust back you should have done it already and you didn't. So good luck, and learn.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:15 PM
    s_cianci
    Unfortunately, you're not in a position to be trusted. Mistakes from the past always come back to haunt you. That's something you've got to think about before you act. Remorse after the fact won't undo the past. If anything, it'll only keep you from repeating your mistakes. I think you're going to have to forget about this one and find a fresh start with someone else.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:21 PM
    huno
    Yeah, you've basically dug yourself into a hole, there. I can't imagine what would convince him you didn't cheat on him. It's even less likely that you can convince him that you won't ever cheat on him.

    Lesson learned for the next guy.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:34 PM
    nepeterson
    If there isn't "trust" in the relationship then there is no true and healthy relationship to salvage. People make mistakes and if you were truly sorry one should not be punished forever at least that's how a mature person who truly loves you would view it. Look on the other side of the mirror so you can see the pain and hurt he feels though. One time I think you deserve to be forgiven and move on but twice... I think it's time to allow each other to move on.
    Never admit to something you didn't do because it won't change his view of you but actually make it worse. The big question here is can he ever trust you totally and completely. It sounds like the answer to that is no. We make mistakes so we can learn by them. Hopefully you learned by this and will allow yourself a 2nd chance with someone else.
  • Jul 10, 2007, 07:36 AM
    srhbomber
    But he doesn't want to break up he wants to find away to rebuild trust and so do I we are engaged and have a kid on the way we both love each other very much and don't want to just give up like that
  • Jul 28, 2007, 11:22 AM
    tobeamiss
    I can see if you made a mistake and did it once. But you did it twice. I don't blame him for not trusting you. On the other hand, you're not married yet so that's a good thing. You might have to let him go because life will be hell if he can never trust you again. Maybe (and it's a big maybe), if you really believe it yourself, tell him that you're going to be truly faithful because that's what you want in your marriage.
  • Jul 29, 2007, 10:42 AM
    jaymaze
    Rebuilding trust takes sacrifice... Im in a similar position where I couldn't trust my ex and if we do ever decide to get back together and try and work it out, its going to take a ton of time and even more sacrifice. What do I mean by sacrifice? If you love this guy and you really want to be with him then you need to reassure him over and over again that you will do whatever it takes to win back his trust. Even the ego of the most confident man crumbles when he gets cheated on. I went from being the most confident guy, borderline cocky in fact, to being completely insecure and anxious after I discovered my girl had been with someone else. If she really does want me back then she's going to have to give up hanging out with her guy friends solo for a while. She's going to have to call me when she's out with her girls. Text me when we're not together. Email me from work. Anything and everything it takes to stroke my ego and let me know that she's always thinking of me and doesn't want anyone else but me. It sounds a little ridiculous but if you love him, and he's worth it, and you want him to trust you, you do whatever it takes no matter how insane it may seem. Because remember that no matter what you say it will always be in the back of his mind that you're out cheating on him again.
  • Jul 30, 2007, 11:36 PM
    Phily6996
    No baby no especially if you cheat twice I will tell your to kick rocks. Straight up the honest truth.
  • Jul 30, 2007, 11:39 PM
    mikezapwnzor
    If he doesn't trust you then I wouldn't trust him and I would just end the relationship... seems simple enough to me
  • Jul 30, 2007, 11:43 PM
    klovesj110603
    If u cheated on him he has a right to be a little uptight about this issue. I have been cheated on and it takes a while before u start to feel trust again. Look him dead in his eyes and tell him u have not been cheating anymore. It may indeed take some time but if you work together u can get threw it.

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