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-   -   Needs some neutral opinions (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=108134)

  • Jul 9, 2007, 07:05 AM
    prod07
    Needs some neutral opinions
    Hi ,


    I just wanted to get some thought's from other about this situation. My g/f just got back from a vacation a few days ago with some friends and she was telling me all about it she told me she got hit on like 2 times. Ok no big deal it happens the question I had is one night a guy was sitting a few yards away from her and her friends and she ordered a drink he orderd the same drink and paid for hers as well. Later that night he went up to her and talked to her and she told me basically they talked and eventually her and her friends just left. Now my question is should a girl with a b/f except a drink from someone they don't plan on hooking up with or doing anything with for that matter?? And 2 do you even bother answering the small talk they try to start..? Just any opinions would be great. And I am also grateful she tells me everything I just wanted some more input from netrual parties thanks!!
  • Jul 9, 2007, 07:17 AM
    self_lnflicted_hell
    I think that for 1, since she did tell you everything herself and you didn't have to hear it from anyone else says a lot. 2, accepting drinks from someone else isn't wrong, in my opinion. I do it all the time, less that me or my man have to spend! LOL And 3, just talking isn't anything, as long as the guy understood perfectly that she was taken and that he didn't say anything wrong and if he did that she reminded him that she has a boyfriend. As long as it was only casual chit-chat, I would'nt see anything wrong with it.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 07:22 AM
    prod07
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by self_lnflicted_hell
    I think that for 1, since she did tell you everything herself and you didn't have to hear it from anyone else says alot. 2, accepting drinks from someone else isn't wrong, in my opinion. I do it all the time, less that me or my man have to spend! LOL And 3, just talking isn't anything, as long as the guy understood perfectly that she was taken and that he didn't say anything wrong and if he did that she reminded him that she has a bf. As long as it was only casual chit-chat, I would'nt see anything wrong with it.
    Well that's the thing inocent chat I understand she said she didn't mention that she had a b/f and he didn't mention that he was interested in her but if he wasn't he would not have bought the drink.. that's what I guess I was a little weirded about was that she didn't just bring up the fact she had a b/f but than again what can you say hi and by the way I have a b/f... lol not sure :)
  • Jul 9, 2007, 07:29 AM
    Nosnosna
    First of all, she's being honest about the whole thing... that's Good Sign Number One.

    As for the drinks... I'll accept a drink anybody buys me, for whatever reason. I mean hey, it's a drink, and it's one I'm not having to pay for. What they may want from it means very little, in the end, because it's either a friendly gesture or a compliment, and both of those are good things.

    For the talk... it's just talk. When I'm out, I'm out to have a good time, and that means that I'll talk with anybody, as long as they aren't being a jerk. I go up and talk to other people as well... it often is as simple as I like the song they got into a minute ago, too, and want to compliment them on their taste. I've met some really great people just talking in bars and clubs, and while yes, sometimes I did have ulterior motives, it's more often just being social.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 07:41 AM
    prod07
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nosnosna
    First of all, she's being honest about the whole thing... that's Good Sign Number One.

    As for the drinks... I'll accept a drink anybody buys me, for whatever reason. I mean hey, it's a drink, and it's one I'm not having to pay for. What they may want from it means very little, in the end, because it's either a friendly gesture or a compliment, and both of those are good things.

    For the talk... it's just talk. When I'm out, I'm out to have a good time, and that means that I'll talk with anybody, as long as they aren't being a jerk. I go up and talk to other people as well... it often is as simple as I like the song they got into a minute ago, too, and want to compliment them on their taste. I've met some really great people just talking in bars and clubs, and while yes, sometimes I did have ulterior motives, it's more often just being social.
    Makes senseee that's why I need opinions lol
  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:12 AM
    talaniman
    The fact that she told you is proof she isn't hiding anything and she was at a bar to have drinks and fun and she did. I wouldn't give this another thought.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:17 AM
    Tuscany
    Wow your girlfriend sounds like one heck of an honest lady. Which is a trait that is hard to find anymore. I think that it is wonderful that she loves and respects you and your relationship enough to tell you what went on. It is when she is not upfront that you need to worry.


    I would let it go, and relish in the love of your girlfriend.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:28 AM
    alkaline
    In my experience, it is hard to decline a drink that has been bought for you.

    Generally, the way I'll handle it is to go and thank the person that bought it for me, talk to them for a few minutes, and then casually dismiss myself from the conversation. If I have a boyfriend and the guy doesn't get the message that I'm not interested in him, I'll say so. If he sees I'm not interested and doesn't press it, I might not say so because it would almost seem unnecessary.

    I don't think it is wrong to accept the random drink, and here is my reasoning:

    The guy is buying a drink to start a conversation. He didn't approach me first and ask if he COULD buy me a drink. If he had done that, I would have politely said no, and something along the lines of "I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate it if I accepted a drink from you, but thank you for asking." If a guy wants to use buying drinks to take the first step instead of talking to you as the first step, I think that it is a risk they are taking. They offered the drink without knowing anything about you, maybe they should have talked to you first. That's my opinion on that.

    I'm a very chatty, open kind of person. I also hate being mean to people. When I get hit on or approached by a guy, I try to let them down politely so they don't feel like crap. I consider how I feel when I put myself out there, and how I would want to be rejected.

    I think it's OK that she talked to him. I talk to people when I am drunk all the time, and I don't hook up with them. In fact, I do that even when my boyfriend is with me (he usually is).

    I can understand being a little put off by the situation. She was away without you, and you feel a little threatened that a guy came on to her and her reaction to it was more receptive than you would have liked. I agree with the posters above though that it says a lot about her and your relationship that she told you. She knew you could get jealous over it, but she told you anyway and it was something you never had to know. I think the reason she told you was because this guy really wasn't a threat to you at all.

    To be fair, would I be a little upset if the same thing happened with my boyfriend? Yeah, I probably would be. That is your emotional side jumping in. However, my logical side would say to me that I probably would have handled the situation the same way, and that is knowing that I love my boyfriend and wouldn't want that guy or anyone else.

    I think it's all good. :-)
  • Jul 9, 2007, 08:55 AM
    prod07
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tuscany
    Wow your girlfriend sounds like one heck of an honest lady. Which is a trait that is hard to find anymore. I think that it is wonderful that she loves and respects you and your relationship enough to tell you what went on. It is when she is not upfront that you need to worry.


    I would let it go, and relish in the love of your girlfriend.
    This is true thanks a lot I really am lucky that she is so honest. I like when she goes out with her friends and has fun I do not want her to regret anything she did not do with me cause I felt unconfortable about it... that has ruined a ton of relationship from what I've heard
  • Jul 9, 2007, 10:06 AM
    prod07
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman
    The fact that she told you is proof she isn't hiding anything and she was at a bar to have drinks and fun and she did. I wouldn't give this another thought.

    This was my origonal thought it makes a lot of sense thanks, I guess sometimes I look to deep into things... and I notice when I do I start to make things up in my head :rolleyes:
  • Jul 9, 2007, 10:29 AM
    talaniman
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by prod07
    this was my origonal thought it makes alot of sence thanks, i guess sometimes i look to deep into things........and i notice when i do i start to make things up in my head :rolleyes:
    Glad you can see that things are not as complicated as we think they are. Your already way ahead of the class, if you recognise this about yourself.
  • Jul 9, 2007, 01:10 PM
    dipsetmami69
    I don't think it is wrong to accept a drink from a man. As long as they don't hook up, why not take advantage of a free drink.

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