Okay, I am the wife of the 7 year cheater. When confronted he said that she was NOTHING to him and that he had broke things off with her about 2 months ago. I recently found journal entries in his handwriting that chronicles his obsession with their phone calls, what she said, what he said, the day/time and sometimes minute by minute. His obvious anguish when she did not return calls, his growing suspicion of HER, where they went to dinner, phone sex, ad nauseum. Question, I plan to present him with this new info and ask him to come clean all the way or I will call her. Do you think this is wise? I have not decided if I can stay in the marriage, this is going to be the deal breaker, is an ultimatum wise?

Sure is. Make sure you attach the divorce papers with the journal entries when you present them to him.

XenoSapien

Why, what good will getting him to come clean do ( not that he would anyway, he would only lie to the point he had to) And what good will calling her do,

Call a marriage couselor or a divorce attorney

A ultimatum, is this the 3rd or the 5th?

Hello.

Im sure she knows about you already. If they have been together for 7 years she would have to know why he can't be with her all the time.

Do you expect him to be honest with you after cheating for 7 years. He is so good at his lies now how could you ever trust him.

Keep the new proof to yourself and file for divorce. Use the proof to get more from him in court.

Don't get me wrong I'm not for taking advantage of anyone but this guy has taken 7 years away from you that you know about. He has spent who knows how much money on her that should have gone into your family. Take him for everything you can and smile your way to the bank.

I know the money isn't what you want now but your going to find out that once you get past the hurt and Find Mr. Right it will be nice to live a little better knowing your ex just paid for your 7 year fling hehehe.

Good luck
Dennis777

The ultimatum is only good if you have made up your mind of what you want to do. You aren't sure you want to stay anyway. You have to decide that first. If you even want to try.
He already lied that this person meant nothing. With this journal - you know that is a lie. Can you believe him when he tells you anything? And what could he tell you that the journals don't already?

I am all for calling this lady - if you are wanting your marriage to work out. If not, don't waste your breath. You won't get anything in the end.

I do think that in order to move on, you need full disclosure. But, do you think you will get it? He's caught now - he is going to say what you want to hear. Can you believe him?

If you aren't sure of what you want - then maybe a trial separation is in order. While separated, go to counseling. If you give yourself, say, 3 months - you can then figure out what you want.

After seven years of getting away with it, he is not likely to stop. Don't show him those journals. If you can take the original journal without him noticing, then do. If not, then go to Kinko's.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I don't think counseling will help. He is not likely to stop. He has/had a long-term relationship, not a one night stand. His emotional bond to her isn't going to vanish, and giving him an ultimatum will only make you hurt more.

I'd recommend contacting a lawyer.:(