My step mother has always been not so great to me, blew up over stupid things, spoiled her kids (half sisters 10 years younger) , when me and my full brother got stuck with all the chores, even cleaning her room and my sisters rooms, etc. But then when I moved out we started to bond a little bit, her telling me she thinks she should have done things differently, and that she has emotional problems , had been on antidepressants etc... so I think we are doing good and am happy we are no longer fighting. Up until last christmas that is, she lost it and yelled at me telling her I ruined her christmas blah blah blah a whole lot of confusing, my dad got upset telling her that she can't treat his daughter like that and doesn't even know why she is mad. No one I ask even know why she got angry but it came from nowhere, the night before we went shopping and had a great time together. Any way she hasn't talked to me since, and won't I have tried many many times to talk to her, and I've been nothing but nice to her, even sending her a mothers day card and a birthday present. The only thing she told my dad was that she "didn't like my lifestyle" which make no sense, I don't do drugs or even drink, I have a great job, and an amazing boyfriend that everyone in the family loves. It is causing a rift in my family she is singleing me out and making it increasingly difficult to see my father and my sisters, family holidays or outings get canceled because she refuses to be somewhere I am. This causes constant problems with my dad and step mom as well, since my dad has sided with me on the issue. She is making me feel terrible for something I didn't do, and she won't even talk to me about. I don't know what I should do about it, or what more I could do about it. I think she needs help, something is wrong with her chemical balance. Or she really hates me and her true side is finally showing its ugly self.

Going crazy

Man, this one is a tuffie. To me it sounds like she might have something wrong with her. People don't just explode on other people for absolutely no reason. I mean if you didn't do anything wrong she shouldn't have any reason to hate you or be mad at you. You should talk to your dad about maybe getting her into some therapy or something :)

Your step mom sounds a lot like my sister, I know my sister doesn't hate me but she is very controlling. She has always interfered with my relationships and she has tactically tried to ruin my marriage and relationship with my kids. I truly believe it is a chemical imbalance or some type of mental problem.cut her loose I did and am much happier

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Originally Posted by pimelfmallet

My step mother has always been not so great to me, blew up over stupid things, spoiled her kids (half sisters 10 years younger) , when me and my full brother got stuck with all the chores, even cleaning her room and my sisters rooms, ect. But then when i moved out we started to bond a little bit, her telling me she thinks she should have done things differently, and that she has emotional problems , had been on antidepressants ect..... so i think we are doing good and am happy we are no longer fighting. Up until last christmas that is, she lost it and yelled at me telling her i ruined her christmas blah blah blah a whole lot of confusing, my dad got upset telling her that she can't treat his daughter like that and doesnt even know why she is mad. No one i ask even know why she got angry but it came from nowhere, the night before we went shopping and had a great time together. Any way she hasnt talked to me since, and wont i have tried many many times to talk to her, and ive been nothing but nice to her, even sending her a mothers day card and a birthday present. The only thing she told my dad was that she "didn't like my lifestyle" which make no sense, i dont do drugs or even drink, i have a great job, and an amazing boyfriend that everyone in the family loves. It is causing a rift in my family she is singleing me out and making it increasingly difficult to see my father and my sisters, family holidays or outings get canceled because she refuses to be somewhere i am. This causes constant problems with my dad and step mom as well, since my dad has sided with me on the issue. She is making me feel terrible for something i didn't do, and she wont even talk to me about. I dont know what i should do about it, or what more i could do about it. I think she needs help, something is wrong with her chemical balance. or she really hates me and her true side is finally showing its ugly self.

going crazy

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I think you are doing everything right :3 I just hope that you talk to your father and this and how you feel. Try to get your step mom into a type of threapy, it isn't you it is her and I don't think it is because she hates I think its because something is wrong with her.

Sounds like she has some mental problems and there is nothing you can do about that. I say it is up to your dad to not let his relationship with you falter. She is his wife , his responsibility. It may be a pain, but maybe you guys can get together without her.
I would imagine this may be harder on your dad especially if he does not know what to do. So just keep in contact with him and not deal with her.

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Originally Posted by pimelfmallet

My step mother has always been not so great to me, blew up over stupid things, spoiled her kids (half sisters 10 years younger) , when me and my full brother got stuck with all the chores, even cleaning her room and my sisters rooms, ect. But then when i moved out we started to bond a little bit, her telling me she thinks she should have done things differently, and that she has emotional problems , had been on antidepressants ect..... so i think we are doing good and am happy we are no longer fighting. Up until last christmas that is, she lost it and yelled at me telling her i ruined her christmas blah blah blah a whole lot of confusing, my dad got upset telling her that she can't treat his daughter like that and doesnt even know why she is mad. No one i ask even know why she got angry but it came from nowhere, the night before we went shopping and had a great time together. Any way she hasnt talked to me since, and wont i have tried many many times to talk to her, and ive been nothing but nice to her, even sending her a mothers day card and a birthday present. The only thing she told my dad was that she "didn't like my lifestyle" which make no sense, i dont do drugs or even drink, i have a great job, and an amazing boyfriend that everyone in the family loves. It is causing a rift in my family she is singleing me out and making it increasingly difficult to see my father and my sisters, family holidays or outings get canceled because she refuses to be somewhere i am. This causes constant problems with my dad and step mom as well, since my dad has sided with me on the issue. She is making me feel terrible for something i didn't do, and she wont even talk to me about. I dont know what i should do about it, or what more i could do about it. I think she needs help, something is wrong with her chemical balance. or she really hates me and her true side is finally showing its ugly self.

going crazy

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Basically the same thing has happened to me... only I haven't moved out yet as I'm only in grade 12... she just yelled at me while I was eating breakfast "Can you go downstairs so can have some privacy in my own home?" but not nicely at all... I don't understand why she treats me like this... I can relate to what your are saying... and tips on how to deal with it?

You are one of many! Wait for the motherinlaw. Really, just wait for the mother in law, she will eat your step mom for lunch. Maybe I can help a little with your scenario because I have found a special word and have been using it in my arguments in witty different ways, it's called a... (spoken like= "MAR-TER" "MARTYR" it is a person who shows a great deal of suffering in order to obtain sympathy, sometimes at any cost. My "martyr" has lied back-stabbed set up and denied all in a single half day. These people usually have severe control issues and self esteem issues, they have the ability to make the more honorable yet vulnerable people around them feel depressed, isolated, they can create issues from absolutely nothing and somehow twist it to mold their own odd fabrication of a new and somehow justifiable truth. They will manipulate truths and facts before sharing your problems with their friends and family. It is surely a problem that comes with depression for a lot of people who suffer from being a martyr, like Maykitty11 posted "Quote":... she just yelled at me while I was eating breakfast "Can you go downstairs so I can have some privacy in my own home?"(End quote) Anyway its all very familiar to me. They are stubborn and make their own sense out of things that don't make sense, they are prone to jealousy in relationships with loved ones. Maybe she feels your dad loves you more? It doesn't matter because in my experience there is just nothing you can do... They still mark you as a target even if they give you a break now and then. And stubborn, oh are they stubborn. If she is using your lifestyle as her excuse to hate you, just imagine what she would do if she ever had any real dirt on you. Stay private, and ask others not to share your info with her. So to end this lovely long note, be glad you don't live with her and that your dad is able to see the view from your side of the situation. And be glad you don't have to eat your breakfast in the basement. LOL

Both of my parents are very much like your step mother. They suffer from severe depression and even though it is obvious to everyone else, they will not admit it. They constantly blow up over the tiniest "problem" and end up screaming at my siblings and I. I try to make visits back home a couple times a year but we end up in a huge fight every time and my dad kicks me out of the house. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I see a lot of parallels between your situation and mine. I agree with everyone's answers so far: your mom is definitely suffering from something (most likely depression) and she is taking it out on you. I definitely do not think she hates you deep down especially since she has mentioned that she wishes she had done things differently. You are very lucky to have your dad defending and listening to you. I think the two of you should sit your step mom down, have a long talk, and try to get her into therapy and maybe look into antidepressants. Just don't take things personally! When she yells at you over something insignificant, see it as a result of her problem and don't let it bring you down!!

I agree with everyone's posts so far. Your mom is definitely suffering from something (most likely depression) and is letting it affect her relationship with you. I don't think she hates you, especially since she mentioned she wishes she did things differently. My parents both suffer from severe depression and it has really affected our relationship. Since I was a little kid, they have blown up over the tiniest "problem" and ended up screaming at my siblings and I. Neither of them will admit they have a problem, though, so they have not sought help. The depression led them to saying incredibly mean things to me and even "disowning" me a couple times. I think you and your dad should sit your step mom down, have a long talk, and ask her to seek therapy and/or antidepressants. By the way, thank your dad for being so supportive and standing up for you. Most importantly, though, do not take her bouts personally. She has a problem and is not dealing with it. Next time she gets overly worked up about something do not let it bring you down for even a second. You sound like a great person and I would hate for you to become negative and pessimistic like your step mom and it is easy to do when you are around someone so much. I have had to work HARD not to be negative like my parents.

On a side note, I love Greg Quinn's definition of the word Martyr. My mom is suuuch a martyr!

Yes... A lot of moms are . LOL

What happens to people and their updates?

What it sounds like to me is your step mom suffers from bipolar rages. I often do the same thing just before a mania. She could be misdiagnosed(anti deprresants), and the medicine could be making her worse. It is not you by any means and her having times of apologizing which I hope she has done will let you know she is just another slave to her emotions. You need to talk to your step mom and let her know that it hurts your feelings and that maybe she needs a more thorough examination. Make sure it is on one of theose days that she is willing to speak to people and you know she will hear everything, I'm sure you have known her long enough to know what mood I'm talking about.

Weird... I never liked my step kids but I never made them clean my room or my kids' rooms. I never interfered with their time with their dad. I never did anything mean to them. I just didn't like them. But that's weird that she would flip on you. Are you sure you didn't say something that she might have overheard & not liked? Are you sure you're giving us the whole entire story here? Cause if you are, oh hell yeah, she's wacked. Just carry on with your life, you're on your own now anyway & you don't need her. You have your dad on your side & that's what you wanted anyway. So be happy, you don't need to deal with her anymore. Ding dong the wicked witch is dead. I can say that cause I'm a step mom too & my husband is a step dad.

I know a lot of people that flip out for absolutely no reason and it is usually bi polar or they are really really miserable with themselves and make everybody around them miserable just because.

Well, my step mom has did the same to me when I was young. Blew up over stupid things, had mood swings occasionally. You see, what she is doing to you hun is called emotional abuse. This isn't a thing to be ignored. If she has these weird spazzes where she has to make you feel bad, then you need to stay away from her. If you want to see your dad and sisters, ask them to come visit you. If they bring her with them, well, I suppose you could either go to court, or get her to leave.

I need help too... my step mom ignores me. She treats everyone in the family better than me and I don't know what to do... ive tried to make our relationship better by trying to start conversations with her but nothing works!. I feel depressed all the time and I feel like I am nothing to her. I try to do random chores sometimes to help her out too. Also, whenever I bring my girlfriend and my other friends over, she ignores them even if they say hey to her. She treats my sister's friends like they were some type of celebrity... is it me? What's wrong with me to make her hate me so much? I feel like complete crap and there is nothing I can do... somebody please help me...

Greg, where did you get that definition from? You have totally described my mother, she has her out bursts all the time with me when I have done absolutely nothing wrong even if I'm trying to help her out on things (such as cleaning) and then the next minute she is as happy go lucky. Lol
She says I'm selfish, childish, immature, irresponisble, annoying, she gets mad when when I leave when she has her crazy tantrums and says that I should act my age instead of running away. (the main reason why I go is to avoid any arguments) she is extremely rude and very offensive to me even in front of other people. She is a lier saying things I didn't do (but yet she convinices herself to believe in that lie). She is extremely bossy, and always has to be incontrol of everything. Oh and she NEVER ADDMITS THAT SHE IS WRONG OR Apologies, she will somehow blame it back at me to make me feel bad.
So does this mean she hates the living day lights out of me? What the hell should I do? I have told my dad and he agrees with me. So what do you think is going through her mind for me to make her so mad?
HELP!!!!!!!!

A couple of things.

You're always going to be your father's daughter, and therefore a part of his life -for life. She on some level is insecure and threatened by his love for you. She could end up being dumped or divorced...

Also, you may look a great deal like dad's ex wife, which is also a reminder of the ex?

I wouldn't give her any ammunition.

I am a relatively new step mom, at first I did so much to really try to get on with my step daughter - who's a teenager and a good kid and I like her. I did so much and tried to make a positive connection with my husbands ex (of ten years ago who now has partner etc) - cards to acknowledge her - invite for coffee - friendly stuff to see if we could have a friendly connection for the kids sake ( and mine of course ). This was refused and I have never been acknowledged by my husbands ex - slowly slowly through nasty e-mail my husbands constantly got - it was clear that she was still resentful and angry and hadn't moved on in many ways. This has over time had a knock on effect in my ability to sustain being a positive and friendly person in my husbands daughters world. I am never mean - always polite to her - but I have stopped investing my care and attention and do the bare minimum ( she is 16 and lives with her mum but stays so she can go out ). I support her connnection with her Dad fully but I have stopped building my own connection and now keep out. I fought so hard to no be the wicked step mother and be kind and supportive - now although not the wicked step mother I really do see how for so step parents it is really hard and all sorts of difficult feelings can be triggered and against one's best efforts it can have a knock on effect on the relationship between step mom and children. I know - its about really making an effort for that not to happen - but it's a human thing too and I feel frustrated at the situation. So all I am saying here is - the inner world of the step mother can be full of all sorts of difficult feelings and challenges and there may be factors that you might not know about about - politics - money - jealousy - envy - sadness - struggle - but my feeling is it is rarely to do with the step child - but the complexity of managing all sorts of differing emotions and relationships with ex-wived - husband other kids etc etc - it does sound like there is a lot going on for her on a mental health front and my advice would be to protect yourself emotionally - adult children of split families can still feel " I've done something wrong ' good luck

SAD