Am I in love with my best friend or is it just a rebound
This story is long and complicated but here goes.
I've been married for 12 years to a woman who was a member of the church I attend. She would come to my family's house a couple of times a week to have Bible study with my mom. She was 7 yrs older than me (I was 20 at the time) we started seeing each other much to my parents dismay and were married 2 years later. The relationship quickly went cold. In 2000 I was sent out of state for 6 weeks to work on a project for the company I work for. While there I started an online relationship with a woman living overseas. My wife came out to see me to discuss our marriage and to inform me that she was pregnant. I knew I had to do the right thing and stay with my wife, but 3 months later she miscarried. We decided to stay together and in 2002 our son was born. Again the relationship fell apart and I started dating a woman I worked with. I moved out and moved in with my girlfriend. It didn't last long. She had become very demanding and would become angry if I would want to spend time with my son. My wife and I decided that for the sake of our son I should move back in with them. I did, but my wife and I slept in separate rooms and were basically just roomates.
In late fall of 2005 I was out with a friend and we decided to drop into an 80's club that I had heard about. We weren't there long when my attention was caught by a woman that I saw on the dance floor. I knew I had to talk to her. I made my way to her and we started to chat. It turns out she was a weekend regular, not there to hook up with anyone, but just to dance and to help out the staff. The next night I went back by myself to see if I could find her. She was there. The more I talked to her the more I liked her. She was so friendly and down to earth. I felt so comfortable with her. A couple of weeks later we started dating. She was everything I had ever looked for. It didn't take long for me to realize I was falling for her, and she felt the same toward me. We were together for nearly a year when I started feeling guilty. I felt that I had not been a good role model for my son. I had become weak in my faith and I knew that I had to try to do what was right. The day I broke up with her was one of the hardest of my life. I loved her and I knew that she loved me too. I wanted to spend my life with her, but I knew I had to do things the right way and work on stengthining my faith and being more of a parent to my son. I had every intention to disolve my marriage and to someday make this girl a permanent part of my life.
My wife decided that she wanted to try to work on our marriage. I was still so much in love with the other woman, but knew I had to try to do what I felt was right. Things didn't improve and my wife filed for divorce in jan. the 1st court hearing was set for the end of April. In early April I went to see my ex girlfriend. I wanted us to try to be friends. Being around her though, I knew my feelings for her were still very strong. I still held the hope that my marriage could be saved and so I had to force myself to stop thinking of my ex. I stopped contacting her, which I knew hurt her. Slowly my feelings for her started to taper off and I could concentrate on what I needed to do. The divorce proceedings started and I moved out of my home and into an apartment. It was the first time I had ever lived alone. I was so scared of losing my son and afraid of the major changes that were taking place in my life.
In mid may I was hanging out with a female friend (she and I had known each other for a few years and I considered her to be one of my best friends. I had never seen her as anything more than that. She was more like a sister to me than anything). She admitted that she had an attraction to me. This took me completely by surprise, but suddenly I started seeing her in a new light. We decided to start seeing each other. It didn't take me long to fall in love. In mid June I told my ex girlfriend that I was dating my friend. She was crushed. She had held on to the belief that if my marriage didn't work out that she and I would be together again. I told her that as much as I wanted us to be friends that we couldn't because she still loved me, and I was with someone else.
Does anyone have an opinion on what is going on here. I've gotten myself into such a confused state of mind. I'm dealing with going through a divorce, being on my own for the first time, being in a new relationship with a girl who up until a month and a half ago had only ever been just a friend, and on top of that I still find that I miss my ex girlfriend with whom I had so much in common. Any advice or suggestions would be wonderful, because right now I don't really know which way is up and which way is down.
