I have been in a relationship with a married man for over 4 years now. It is intense and we share a love that neither one of us has EVER experienced before. I am divorced with an 11 yr old son and he is living at home with his 3 children and wife. He says that his relationship at home is at a dead end, but has decided to stay for the kids sake. She has told him several times that she wanted a divorce, but nothing ever comes of it. This man used to be my boss, but now has moved to another building, but we still work at the same company and we still talk to each other daily. He is the FIRST person that I want to talk to when I wake up, the first one to call when something happens in my life, and the last one I talk to before I go to bed. (MONDAY -FRIDAY). Weekends are another story. I am left alone and he plays house with his family. Weekends are a love/hate situation with me, because I only talk to him when he leaves his house to run an errand or something. He loves me and I love him dearly. He is my best friend and I am his. That is also why this is so bad for me because most people can look for answers from their best friend, but not in this situation. I tell him that I can't live like this forever and he TOTALLY understands and wants me to do what is best for me, even though he will miss me greatly. I have tried to meet other men, but I just must not be ready for it, because I am still SO in love with this guy. I know I deserve better. I am just afraid that if and when I find another man to be in a relationship with, I will end up breaking his heart because I still have feelings for another man and it would not be fair to him. OR if I do become involved with another man and fall in love and the married man whom I have been involved with becomes divorced, what would I do?? I don't want anyone to be hurt, BUT I know if I stay in this situation, I would be hurting his wife and kids and his whole family and friends. I do NOT want to be labeled the other woman, but that is what I am. How did I get myself into this? I am so sorry for all my actions, BUT I am just having a hard time moving on with my life, searching for the life I deserve, the life my son deserves with me. He deserves to be with a Mom who is happy and able to "openly" show love to another man, instead of having to hide my relationship. As it is right now, my son and my whole family think that I will be single for the rest of my life. They wonder why I haven't really tried to date anyone, since I have been divorced for about 5 years now. I know I need to move on with my life, but it is easier said then done. I don't want to lose my best friend. We both have tried several times to call it quits between us. This time is the longest. We have not seen each other for almost 2 months now, but talk to each other almost daily. And the feelings for each other are just as strong as before. And because of that, I feel that this relationship was not AT ALL about the sex. It is SO much more! Because we work for the same company, we have to communicate, and quiting is NOT an option for either one of us. Could this be the real thing? I know deep in my heart, that if it is meant to be, it will be. Also, I know that it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all. BUT I still love him. This IS the real thing, but it has happened at the wrong time and place in life. What should I do? Better yet, I know in my heart what I need to do, but how can I do it and not hurt so much? I read this poem everyday, "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them!". Will I ever forget him? :confused:

As in stopping and getting over any relationship, you must not only stop seeing each other, but also stop talking to each other. Hard and cruel , but that's the way its done, so both parties have a chance to get over each other. What amazes me is how all cheater romanticize their illicit affair to make it look so clean, when in fact one has to lie to themselves and the spouse to have this thing going, and the other lies to themselves like they can't help cheating because it real love, yet everyone can plainly see that the female is miserable, and real love doesn't make you miserable. Leave him alone completely, and when you have healed you can find your own happiness, without him.

What a crockpot of blarney. If your love was so true, he would divorce his wife and marry you. He is protecting his assets by staying married. The old, "staying for the children" routine is such a load of bs. Children are smarter than many adults give them credit for and they see things many adults do not give them credit for too. Chances are his children are well aware their Father and Mother do not get along well. Unless he has lied about all of that, which is totally possible! Cheating spouses are liars, so that would not be a surprise.

How do you end this illicit affair? Start by saying no to this man. Tell him that the affair is over and you wish no further contact with him. Then mean it. Do not call, do not return calls, do not take calls. Same with emails. Change your job if necessary (and I think in this case, it is necessary for you to cut the ties). Get tough with yourself. You aren't going to get pity for your situation, except the pity parties you and your lover throw for each other. You seem like a smart woman, so start acting one who can take charge of her life and her emotions.

If this affairs come to light, who is going to lose? Bet you anything he would do back flips to stay with his wife and children. Then you would be out in the cold.

Go through the threads on the help desk and read about women in your position. Read about the hurt and betrayals those women have gone through. The deep pain they have experienced at the hand of a married man, all because they could not say no. They had the first opportunity to say they would not get involved with a married man and yet bit that apple of temptation.

Take better care of yourself, if not for your own well being, that for the sake of your own child.

I have one question for you. If he could cheat on his wife (the mother of his 3 kids) for so many years, what makes you think he won't do it to you?? We already know the ending to this story as "shygrney" has laid out. Hes NEVER going to leave his wife and kids. It never happens. Also what goes around comes around. What both of you are doing is wrong and both of you will reap the rewards of your wrong doings. The best thing is to move on with your life. Its good that you have not seen him in 2 months. Keep it that way. Find a social group or a hobbie. Use your time more productively.

Have you ever noticed healthy, happy people don't cheat?

Edited

Honey I feel your pain I'm in your shoes with my boss... GUILTY!but better to have lost and loved than to never have loved at all