Ask Me Help Desk - Seeing a Married Man

Seeing a Married Man

I have dated this man for two years... Than we went our separate ways.. I wasn't ready for marriage and I didn't want any more children...

He started talking to another girls before we really stopped seeing each other. He moved her in within a year and now they are married and have a child together.

THe only thing is WE started seeing each other again right when she moved in and Im am still seeing this man... it's been about 4 to 5 years now...

HOW do I stop seeing him... even if I'm not sure I want to

Just flat out stop. Cease all contact with him and move on. I know it sounds hard but you have to have some self control. How would you feel if you were in his wife's shoes and he was cheating on you for 4-5 years? You would be heartbroken. His wife does not deserve that, she didn't do anything. :)

She knows me... She was the one that he started talking to when we were still together... I just didn't want to get married... He has been through so much with me and he is my best friend... I have several times to call it off... He always comes back... He calls when she is at work.. I don't want him out of life... But how do I keep him as JUST a friend

Make sure you are loud and clear with him that you just want to be friends. And when he contacts you wanting to hook up, just simply say no. I know when you love someone and they are your best friend, it is very hard, but you have to be stern. No one ever benefits from an affair and usually each person involved gets hurt somehow :)

ReNa, I am sorry you are in this situation. But do you realize how many people you are hurting by keeping this relationship going?

I am usually very harsh on "the other woman" but I will try to hold my tongue, or fingers as it is.

If they got married in a church, he took vows before God. He is breaking those vows and you are enabling him to do so. You are just as guilty.

So what if you knew her before, you know now that he is married. That means he is off limits. Period... no questions.

Oh, boo hoo, you don't want him out of your life. But he was, or should have been, the moment he said "I DO"

He's not yours any longer, he's hers.

I guess you could ask her if she wants to share, but I doubt she will agree to that.

He always comes back because you don't have the backbone to tell him to bugg off. He's not YOURS anymore. He's HERS.

Thank you for your honesty... They didn't get married in a church.. ANd I know when you say I do.. It should mean something...

I don't want him out of my life he is my best friend... I have been through allot.. and I am a very strong woman because of it... I was involved in 15 year relationship and know all about the other woman.. I just don't feel like the other woman, but I know it's wrong... I don't want him to leave her... I guess it's more convient for me ( and yes Him) but have you tried dating now of days.. .

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReNa07

I don't want him out of my life he is my best friend...

In all honesty, best friends don't have sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReNa07

I have been through allot..

Haven't we all, have you read my profile? That's an excuse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReNa07

and I am a very stong woman because of it ....

Good for you. So am I, but I don't fall into the arms of a married may. That makes you weak, not strong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReNa07

I just dont feel like the other woman,

Yeah, and I don't feel like I am 43, but guess what I am. And you are the other woman, whether you feel like it or not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReNa07

I guess it's more convient for me ( and yes Him)

Trying to have your cake and eat it too?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReNa07

have you tried dating now of days .. .

Just another freaking excuse.

Put yourself in her shoes. Or better yet, like I suggested before, ask her if she will share.

I was in her shoes.. . And I know it's wrong...

May be I am making excusses... BUT just may be I have turned the table..

How have you turned the table?

Im not always asking for him to see me or his time... HE is...

I have only had two men in my life... THe father of my four children and him...

I use to be so weak, and IM not any more.. I just don't want to loose this "now married Man' friend ship.. or his love... His love is true.. Even if he is married I believe that... I don't want him to leave his wife.. I don't want to ever get married to him.. YES because I know how he is.. BUT we makes me feel good inside and may be after writing all this out... I know what should be done... BUT I don't want him to be completely out of my life... I need his friend ship

Well, when married men or married women for that matter have relations outside marriage, it's all about sex... because neither would leave the partner they are married to... so the relations become strained... and if you just want to be friends, keep sex out of it... once sex comes into the picture.. best friend category doesn't remain as it is... it becomes something more... so decide what you want.

Thanks for that... and I believe that

How do I change this..

The thing is - you don't want things to change. You have made that clear. You have said you need his "friendship". It doesn't matter that you dated him first or any of that. He is married - translated - he is OFF LIMITS!
He has a child, a family. Do you want to be the reason a child goes with out his/her father? Do you want to be responsible for breaking up a home?
Find a new friend. This one is taken.

Quote:

I don't want him out of my life he is my best friend...

Then why are you having sex when all you want is a friend?? You can start by being honest with yourself, and admit you love the free no strings attached, SEX. Drop the excuses, your afraid to step out into a real life, and are comfortable with this guy since you seem to forget he is a lying cheating scumbag, who is quite happy with a booty call that's free and a home to go to. If second best is all you want, at least be honest about it, and see it for what it is, and don't BS us with this friendship nonsense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReNa07

Im not always asking for him to see me or his time... HE is ...

I have only had two men in my life... THe father of my four children and him....

I use to be so weak, and IM not any more.. I just dont want to loose this "now married Man' friend ship .. or his love... His love is true.. Even if he is married I believe that ... I dont want him to leave his wife .. I dont want to ever get married to him.. YES because I know how he is .. BUT we makes me feel good inside and may be after writing all this out... I know what should be done... BUT I dont want him to be completely out of my life... I need his friend ship

This is so freakin sad. Please reread what you have just written. You are to damn scared to be by yourself. If his love had been true he would have accepted that you did not want more children and not have gotten hooked up with this lady. You say you don't want to marry him. Because he is dishonest? And a cheater? And lives 2 lives? And could not be accepting of you? And screws 2 women at the same time? Please write us a list and tell us what is so great about this man and how he makes you "feel so good inside.". So being second and not being accepted for what you needed makes you feel good inside. I'm confused!

I think that you should have never started communicating with a married man that was dumb what was you smoking at that time?

But you'll be all right soon just make up yor mind

All I have to say is what goes around comes around. You will get yours for hurting this innocent woman and the innocent child. He will dump you on your a$$ and you will be alone. I can't stand people like you who make excuses for your idiotic actions. Hes cheating on his wife and kid, what makes you think your special? You said that you don't feel like the other woman. Well wake up because YOU ARE THE OTHER WOMAN!

OK, now this is not smart, I'd dump his @ss but WHO wanted to get back togetther u or him>