In 2004, I became engaged to a woman. I was suddenly without a job and was trying to round up some money. She told me she would help me with $1000. I told her I didn't want to do that because I didn't want money to come between us. She said "That is what couples do!" So I took the money and she said that she was sure that since she and I were together the money would be replaced in due time. I also needed $350. For that I told her that I would pay her back in week, which I did because that was a loan. I also took $100 from her on another occasion and paid her back in a few days as that was also a loan. When we started having problems and I broke up with her, she is now saying I owe her the $1,000. To me she is giving me an invoice for dating her. She has been threatening me with a lawsuit for two years. I never signed anything... which is what she NOW wants me to do... any advice?

It sounds like she expected you to pay the money back all along. With what you said that "since she and I were together, the money would be replaced in due time".

She could take you to small claims court. Even if all you had was a verbal agreement - she could win.

I would talk to her and work out a payment plan.

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Originally Posted by NowWhat

It sounds like she expected you to pay the money back all along. With what you said that "since she and I were together, the money would be replaced in due time".

She could take you to small claims court. Even if all you had was a verbal agreement - she could win.

I would talk to her and work out a payment plan.

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She never mentioned the money until I broker up with her. I talked to an attorney and feels it was a gift.

Well, sure, she is mad that you broke up. That is kind of a given.
It could be up to a judge to decide whether it was a gift or not. You just have to ask yourself if it is worth the pain in the A$$ to go to court and all that is involved there or would it just be easier to pay her back?

You didn't ask her for the money, she volunteered it to you, and she insisted you take it even after you said you didn't want money to be a point between you.

Seems quite clear to me that this was a gift (in the legal sense).

And frankly - If she's been "threatening" to sue for two years, but hasn't... She's simply using this as something to berate you with. Next time she threatens you, give her the name and number of your lawyer. I doubt she's actually going to do anything.

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Originally Posted by NowWhat

Well, sure, she is mad that you broke up. That is kind of a given.
It could be up to a judge to decide whether it was a gift or not. You just have to ask yourself if it is worth the pain in the A$$ to go to court and all that is involved there or would it just be easier to pay her back?

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I feel if she wants it to go down like that, then she can take me to court. I am not going to bend over backwards for her. I know if I told her I wanted her back the money would be a non-issue. She is also under the impression that I would get thrown in jail if I don't show up for court and not pay her if she wins.

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Originally Posted by phillysteakandcheese

You didn't ask her for the money, she volunteered it to you, and she insisted you take it even after you said you didn't want money to be a point between you.

Seems quite clear to me that this was a gift (in the legal sense).

And frankly - If she's been "threatening" to sue for two years, but hasn't .... She's simply using this as something to berate you with. Next time she threatens you, give her the name and number of your lawyer. I doubt she's actually going to do anything.

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She told me last year "she has an attorney that is 'working on it.' " When I told her I guess I would hear from the lawyer, she contacted me and said she wanted me to sign a promissory note... Now my lawyer friend told me that if he was approached with a case like that... he wouldn't even waste his time UNLESS there was something in writing... So my thoughts are similar to yours... why hasn't she sued me in almost 3 years? Her "attorney" probably told her to get something in writing. I realize that if I had or signed something now, I owe her the money. But I am not going to. The money that I did borrow from her I paid back... $350 and $100. Both times it was very clear it was a loan...

In the legal sense, I agree with the previous posts, that a court would consider the $1000 a gift. Morally I would think that you should return the $1000 gift to her. As in the case of a lady receiving an engagement ring from her suitor; in the event of a breakup, the proper, although under no legal compulsion, the lady should return the ring. Others may disagree, but that is what I would do. Life is too short.

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Originally Posted by Dr D

In the legal sense, I agree with the previous posts, that a court would consider the $1000 a gift. Morally I would think that you should return the $1000 gift to her. As in the case of a lady receiving an engagement ring from her suitor; in the event of a breakup, the proper, although under no legal compulsion, the lady should return the ring. Others may disagree, but that is what I would do. Life is too short.

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I understand that, however, she did keep the engagement ring. And after it was officially over, assused me of stealing it. She now insists that "stole" her ring and screwed her out of $1000. Again, when we were together... the money was not brought up...

Then perhaps she is not a lady, and deserves what she gets.

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Originally Posted by Dr D

Then perhaps she is not a lady, and deserves what she gets.

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I am not too sure what to make of it. I haven't heard from her in over a year. I then ran into one of her friends at a wedding. Two days later I get an email from her saying she's taking me to court and that her attorney has been working on suing me. I just told her it was time to move on with her life and she accused me of being "mean and immature" and that she's done being "nice" to me about the money. How long does it take to sue someone in small claims court?

I am not really sure how long it takes. She would have to file something with the court, then they would send you a notice with a court date, etc. Normally, the date is 30 days out or more depending on how backed up the courts are.
If you truly feel this was a gift - then hold your ground and see what happens. She may just be using this as a way to keep in touch with you.

I agree about the gift thing. However in your ex's way of thinking she may only have respected it as a gift while you were together because in a relationship you share things, but now you are broke up so she doesn't see it like that anymore. I bet if you got back together the whole law suit thing would end. Honestly that is probably what she is really after.

You would be a little stupid to sign something now wouldn't you? What ever you do don't string her along to get her to leave you alone by telling her you'll pay her even a dollar back. Once you tell her that, she's got you.You don't know when she might be recording conversations or saving e mails. Further more the engagament ring was your's after the engagement was over (providing you paid for it). If you truly don't owe her the money then tell her to have her lawyer contact yours and don't have anymore contact with her.

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Originally Posted by stonewilder

You would be a little stupid to sign something now wouldn't you? What ever you do don't string her along to get her to leave you alone by telling her you'll pay her even a dollar back. Once you tell her that, she's got you.You don't know when she might be recording conversations or saving e mails. Further more the engagament ring was your's after the engagment was over (providing you paid for it). If you truly don't owe her the money then tell her to have her lawyer contact yours and don't have anymore contact with her.

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I told her I didn' t care about the ring. She could keep it. And when I said that... the "the ring is gone" story came up and "I must of stolen it." My question is... why hasn't she sued me yet? Why does she keep dragging this out? She knows I am not going to give her a dime. It's when someone tells her they saw me is when she contacts me saying her lawyer is working on it.

She drags it out because this is the only thing that she feels she has "over" you. This way she can continue to have contact with you. Even if the contact isn't pleasant - it is something.
If you want to let this go - then don't respond to emails and don't answer her calls. If these are just empty threats - she will soon get the picture and let it drop.

First of all, don't sign anything. Secondly, let her rant and rave all she wants and if she wants to, let her take you to court. She'll probably get herself laughed right out of that courtroom. Well, not really, but you get the picture, right? I seriously doubt any judge would even entertain a small claims matter that dates back more than 2 years.

Jimmy, this is getting to be nothing more than a silly drama and you're partially responsible for contributing to it. Whatever you had once with this person is over, so just drop it and let it go. Ignore her as if she's disappeared from the face of the earth. Pretend in your own mind that she doesn't exist any more and respond accordingly. Delete her e-mails, move them to your SPAM folder and don't even look at them. Don't answer any calls from her and if she knocks on your door don't answer. If she continues to pursue you then charge her with harassment and get a restraining order against her. She has no intention whatsoever of suing you over the $1000 and is just desperately trying to reach out at you one way or another. You obviously hurt her ego by breaking up with her and she wants to have the last word. Furthermore, I think you may be enjoying the power that this gives you, knowing that this woman is obsessing over you, even though you didn't deliberately seek for it to be that way. While it may be tempting to take it all in, doing so only fuels the fire. Forget her, like I said she's disappeared from the face of the earth and insist that she regards you in the same manner. If she won't, then you take legitimate legal action against her.

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Originally Posted by jimmyhags

I told her I didn' t care about the ring. She could keep it. And when I said that... the "the ring is gone" story came up and "I must of stolen it." My question is... why hasn't she sued me yet? Why does she keep dragging this out? She knows I am not going to give her a dime. It's when someone tells her they saw me is when she contacts me saying her lawyer is working on it.

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She should have been more responsible with keeping up with the ring, so that's her problem. I think she is jealous that you still have a life with out her and she thinks that having this to hold over your head is a way to make you miserable and keep you in her control to some degree (Kind of like she's got you by the balls). Maybe she is missing you and has a funny way of trying to keep contact with you with out seeming desperate. Or in other words she just needs an excuse to hear your voice (Drama queen fashion). I think it's probably one of those two things. I don't think she really intends on suing you because it would be much simpler and cheaper for her to just take you to small clams court. I think also if she had a lawyer he would be contacting you himself. I guess there may be a chance that if she dose have a lawyer he’s wanting her to get something from you to prove you owe her the money so he’ll have a case. Bottom line is unless you have hopes of getting back with her or you want to continue going through this same BS you should just stop all contact with her. Let her do what ever it is she feels she needs to do but don't let her harass you over $1,000.00 you don't owe her. On the other hand if there is the slightest chance that you do owe her the money, then just be a man and pay her back her money so she will have no excuse to continue harassing you.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

Jimmy, this is getting to be nothing more than a silly drama and you're partially responsible for contributing to it. Whatever you had once with this person is over, so just drop it and let it go. Ignore her as if she's disappeared from the face of the earth. Pretend in your own mind that she doesn't exist any more and respond accordingly. Delete her e-mails, move them to your SPAM folder and don't even look at them. Don't answer any calls from her and if she knocks on your door don't answer. If she continues to pursue you then charge her with harassment and get a restraining order against her. She has no intention whatsoever of suing you over the $1000 and is just desperately trying to reach out at you one way or another. You obviously hurt her ego by breaking up with her and she wants to have the last word. Furthermore, I think you may be enjoying the power that this gives you, knowing that this woman is obsessing over you, even though you didn't deliberately seek for it to be that way. While it may be tempting to take it all in, doing so only fuels the fire. Forget her, like I said she's disappeared from the face of the earth and insist that she regards you in the same manner. If she won't, then you take legitimate legal action against her.

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Well this is what I said only this is much better.