:) 726 and im still kinda tired, dont wanna work and i dont wanna be fired, yah oh how i wish i could change the world 4 every single boy and girl oh yeah, oh yeah, should i call in sick should i go in anyway, should i call my friend should i tell he i got rabies, yeah, oh how i wish i could change the world 4 every single boy and girl oh yeah, oh yeah.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Singergirl101

:) 726 and im still kinda tired, dont wanna work and i dont wanna be fired, yah oh how i wish i could change the world 4 every single boy and girl oh yeah, oh yeah, should i call in sick should i go in anyway, should i call my friend should i tell he i got rabies, yeah, oh how i wish i could change the world 4 every single boy and girl oh yeah, oh yeah.

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Um yes sugjestion don't use the word rabies you not professional umm do you record so I mean like do you have the mellidy some were on cd that you could send to me if so send it at [email protected] thanks

Silverchair used the word rabies, in the song freak.

Quote:

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No more maybes
Your baby's got rabies
Sitting on a ball
In the middle of the Andes

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Professional? What's the words you use I nthe lrics got to do with that mate?
Its not like your writing a formal essay, your writing a song.
Its good singergirl,
Though - "should i call my friend, should i tell him ive got rabies" is better grammar :)
And rabies is a real world, just like any other. Its no less "professional" than antidisestablishmentarian.

I think that they are fine! Nice job! I hope that you don't mind, but I just "tweaked" it a bit so that it makes more sense and put it into a form where it makes more sense to fit into a rhythm. I encourage your to keep practicing. You already have a good sense for rhyming and putting rhythm to your words. I hope that you show this kind of writing to a music teacher at your school, if you have one there. I am a professional musician and have also been a teacher of music for many years.

Where I have placed a couple of underscore lines linked together, ( __ ) are possible places where you could take a pause.

7:26 and I'm still kind of tired, __
Don't want to work and I don't want to be fired. __
Yeah, oh how I wish I could change the world __
For every single boy and girl, oh yeah, oh yeah __

Should I call in sick, should I go in anyway? __
Should I call my friend, should I tell him I've got rabies? __
Yeah, oh yeah __
How I wish I could change the world for every single boy and girl __
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.