I am confused about whether to continue a two year relationship or not. We see each other 3-4 days a week. He lives a couple hours from me and stays with me most of the time we are together because I need to be close to my job.

Good things: interested in many, many of the same things, he is a great companion, always brings flowers or grocery items when he comes, helps me with yard work all the time, my family like him, he is very intelligent, sexual facet of relationship very satisfying, his mother and adult siblings are wonderful...

But

Bad things: his friends are all about 20 years older than him and mostly women, he has never revealed to these friends that he is in relationship with me, he knows about my work, my finances, my health but I know nothing about him, he relates things we have done together as if he did them alone, he can be very arrogant, his home is extremely untidy and he drives a total junk heap of a car, most of his clothing is very outdated, he does not say he loves me and never talks of a future together...

The good things don't need explanation, but I really would like to know how others interpret the meaning of the bad things about this man.

Is it time for me to move on?

Thank you.

Dump him find a guy who has bucks and drives a great car and wears the best threads remember there isn't no food on a poor mans table,so pack up and start your search good luck ps don't date men who make under 50 grand a year

You stated that his mother and adult siblings like you, are these siblings of his or his mother. He could very well be an old soul, the fact that his place is a mess explains that he is a confirmed Bachelor, his mode of transportation... old junky things highlights he is a man that honors getting the most for his buck, he is frugal, or he ascribes to the if it ain't broke why replace it... so those are not things to trouble yourself with; however, if the adult siblings are those of his mother, then you know that he is an old soul, think about it, if the adult siblings are his, his +20 yrs old friend equate to his comfort level. However, what bothers me... how has he gained the Insider Track on you... is it because you FREELY shared with him, if so, no need to be alarmed, you set this atmosphere based on _______________-what??

So let us not get the hairs on the back of our neck standing because you gave a little too soon, too quick. I can't venture to say why he has not declared his love for you, why he does not speak of a future with you... because I do not know the terms, the conditions this relation is built upon; however, he knows. So ask him to spell out the relationship, what does he want/expect and do not be afraid to share your expectations/wants. Lack of communication is never good. Open up to him, ask and thus you shall rec'v.

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Wow. You don't mince words. I appreciate your forthright honesty! You have helped me clarify my thoughts too. I often feel that perhaps I expect too much of others... or perhaps I expect too little.

Food for thought.

I do sincerely appreciate you taking time to respond.

N.

To date someone for 2 years or more and say you know nothing about him,is crazy,maybe when you wake up from your dream you'll find out more about your boyfriend who you dated for more then 2 years.come on who do you think we are morons,let me tell you we are experts don't come in here and try to make up a question to waste our time is that clear.

You have no right to "judge" my question. The question was totally sincere.

Do I have relationship issues? I most certainly do and I admit it.

That is why I ask for "others" to relate to me their perception of my reality. I am trying to learn, to improve and to have happier outcomes relationship wise.

For you to be so rude is uncalled for. Perhaps Mike... you are indeed a moron? Now - how does it feel to be judged?

I am hoping you can do some learning also.

N.

Don't listen to Mike - he's trying to get his jollys out here - he has no intereset in actually helping.

I don't like the idea that he doesn't tell his friends about you. The bad stuff really bothers me as well. You should take care of your stuff.

Well just because he isn't speaking about commitment for the future doesn't mean that it won't happen... what it could mean is that he is just not ready to settle down yet.. for women its all we ever want is to get married and have kids... for men it takes time... so perhaps he is not ready to take it to the next level yet.. he lives a few hours away from you... hmmm.. do you know he is not with someone else while he is there? 3 or 4 days leaves 3 or 4 days for him to be with someone else while he is not with you... but there is no saying that is what is going on for sure but I have been there done that so becareful

Nagoli,

I'd be interested to know if there was a certain event that makes you want to take stock of the situation. Is that it, or was it just you woke up one day and realized the cons were outweighing the pros? Have you told him you want to know more about him and share more of his life with him (and do you indeed want these things)? I also wonder what it is he has to be so arrogant about.

I ended something recently where it got to the point that I was just waiting for him to do something "wrong" so I could have a reason to break up with him. But he never did anything "wrong" because I had set the standards so low for this particular relationship (for a variety of reasons). There WAS no bottom. I just woke up one day and the pro/con list was WAY too out of whack. Could this be what you are dealing with? Do you know why you are questioning the relationship at this point?

It sounds like you're doing a good job taking stock of things. Good luck.

And I'm not so sure all women ever want is to get married and have kids. I know that's the 'norm' but I don't have a burning desire to have children. Just a thought.

Yes - I know plenty of woman who don't want kids. (I am little older)

My gal doesn't want them right now - and I am cool with that - more golf! More drinking! More traveling!

Thank you to Wildcat, Lickemlolly and Turtlegirl for your responses. You have helped me see things more clearly.

Yes, Wildcat, you are so right! I do need to take care of the bad stuff. On some level I know that but can't decide "for sure" how to do it. He becomes extremely defensive and angry if I try to question him on any issue.

Oh gosh, and yes, Lickemlolly, I am concerned that he could have "sidebar" relationships going. I tell myself that he is entitled to female friends but at the same time feel threatened by the friendships.

And Turtlegirl... you really made me sit up and listen. I think I AM waiting for him to do something wrong so that I can know for sure that breaking up is the right response.

I have a history of attracting unavailable men and a history of ending it before they can end it on me. It is because of this history that I don't know if I'm simply "bailing out" instead of doing the work.

It is so great to be able to "talk" to others about this! Thank you.

Lol.. wilcat you are crazy.. no I wasn't saying all but most do... I have some friends that never want kids they'll be happy with a dog but guys just have a somewhat diff perspective... marriage and kids means their freedom goes out the window... no more late nights out.. nagging wife screaming kids... I watch those damn shows like maury and montel where the couples have been together 7 8 years and won't get married because they don't want to be tied down.. but no its not all but I have to say most... I have some girlfriends that won't stop talking about it... smh good luck

nagoli - you seem like a real nice, sincere woman - you deserve more. Just don't settle - I wish people wouldn't settle.

lickemlolly - well, my gal is with me in Chicago this weekend and, guess what, she said she wants kids soon. What is it with you woman? Change your minds like the wind. Ha ha right?

I told you... lol... lmaoooooooo.. good luck

Yeah - but answer my question! Haha haha!

I need an aswer! What is it? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Answer to what? What is it with women?

I still don't particularly want kids. (I'm also a teacher so I see plenty of them as it is.)

And I messed up and saw whatshisname last night, as a small part of a larger evening. It's okay really. It is what it is. It was never a real relationship anyway. I guess I don't take my own advice...

I think summer will bring something more worthwhile. Cheers!

Saw him meaning? Haha

Bigger evening?

"Answer to what? What is it with women?" YES!

Yeah, yeah, I SAW him. I saw a lot of him. I also told him it made me sad that he never wants to know more about me or what I'm doing and he was pretty blunt about what the deal is and has been. He said he doesn't want a relationship. I don't with him either, I just find it remarkable that you could know someone for so long and just not really care that much. I mean, I'm not in love with him but I care about him. Yeah, yeah, we've been through this before. I'm far from heartbroken. But a woman has NEEDS!

Bigger evening, went out w/friends, had my brother and a friend over along with Mr. Idontcareaboutyouexceptforsex.

So what is it with GUYS!? How can you have sex with the same person for over a year, a lot, and not really even care about her?