Husband lying- how many times is OK?
Hi, I have been married for 4 1/2 yrs. We have been together for 6 1/2 yrs. It's a long story as to how we came to be, but I thought I had found the "one", and I still feel that way. I still get the "weak in the knees' feeling from him and i love him more than i have ever loved anyone( i was married before for 11 yrs). My husband has lied to me on several occasions. He lied about getting in trouble in the military(while we were married). He lied about quiting his job after the military. It wasnt just a lie then, it was the extent he went through. He didnt give a notice and I thought he owed that to his boss since it was someone he had known for awhile. And he pretended a conversation on the phone, a long conversation and then I found out( i looked at phone bill) that he hadnt been talking to anyone the entire time, this was a couple of years ago. He supposedly quit smoking about a 1 1/2 ago. I do believe he did for awhile, but recently I could smell it on him and I just assumed it was a guy from work he rides with even though i was uneasy about it. I have asked him on numerous occasions and he says, I promise i will tell you if i ever smoke. I promise. Before I knew him he did a few drugs with his friends, I never knew this side to him. He has constantly told him he would not ever do that ,because he knows that would be the one reason I could lose my kids( 4 from first marriage). He knows this. But time again says no way would he do this. I am a very insecure person ,but do get "sixth sense" sometimes, like women do, maybe not always right but still. And the other night I Had this feeling, and kept telling myself I needed to trust him more, he's always harping on why I don't. I hate lies. Its so hard to build trust when you are lied to. When I got home late one night, I had this urge to check his car( my insecurity) and in his glove box were a box of cigerettes with a small thing of pot. OMG! I went inside , turned the bedroom light on and confronted him, yes woke him right up and told him to explain this to me. I was so devastated, of course broke the cigs and flushed the other right in front of him. I even through something at him I was so mad. I feel like I have given him so much love and he is stomping it into the ground. He said he's only done it 3 or 4 times, but how do I know, when I asked him, he said that's how many, but not only did he do it, he was driving. The anger inside is so built up. I am so scared to be without him, because I really have felt like he's the one. He took off work that day , he was scared I wouldn't be here when he got home. The thought has crossed my mind. I don't know what to do. How many lies are enough. I told him that he is not a bad person, he's made some bad choices we all have, and I know he is a good person. I just don't know if he does. We have been under a lot of stress with ex husband. Please some advise someone before I lose it. Thanks