I have a friend who lost her baby at almost 8 months into the pregnancy. We received an e-mail from her sister-in -law who gave us the terrible news. Many of us are not sure what to say to her during this difficult time. I sent a card to her just to let her and her husband know we are thinking about them.

I don't know when she will return to work, but I know she will start to communicate via e-mail soon. I do not have kids, so it is difficult to relate to this very horrible thing that happened. I just want to be there for my friend, and want to know what are the most comforting words to express my sorrow.

The words that are spoken from your own heart will be much more of a comfort than anything that we can say here. I am sorry that her little angel was called back to heaven so soon. I am sure she will need a grieving period. All you can do is be there to listen.

My friend lost her son at about 6-7 months pregnant due to an undiagnosed medical problem. By the time she knew something was wrong and rushed to the hospital, her son had already died, and the doctors were surprised she had not died yet herself. I can tell you what she has told me. The things that have really hurt her, driven her crazy are when people say things such as " you are going to have more aren't you?" " when are you going to get over this? you need to move on" " do you want more, or are you too scared to try?" " atleast it wasnt born yet" these things to her were some of the most painful things said to her, amongst others. Having other act as though she didn't have a real child, that she was still just a mother of one, instead of two, and that she should just forget all about him. The most meaningful things to her, is just having her friends there for her, not trying to do or say things to " make it all better". Just being there for a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen.