My live-in boyfriend of 21 years, decided to cheat on me with a woman (for 3 months now) while I was going over a terrible depression due to my brother's murder (in another state), problems with tenants, and my job becoming shaky. I really needed him and he turned to someone else for attention (great guy!)

I was living in a cloud for a year and a half but still managed to discover his affair. I asked him to leave my house but he begged to stay, and says he'll break up with her. I know I can NEVER trust him again - so the relationship is totally gone - with all the turmoil in my life, I didn't need this problem added to it - so I am NOT kicking him out because he gives me money for rent and takes care of the dogs when I have to travel to the murder trials (this will take seven years - it's a death penalty case)

My question is: Does keeping him around, hurt me further in the long run?

Yes it does hurt you in the long run. It ties you to a very unhealthy relationship, it keeps you from finding a hwalthy relationship, and it keeps him where he wants to be. You can find a dog sitter, a reliable roommate that you do not have to deal with the baggae of the boyfriend. I sit for several neighbor's pets when they are gone. One of my neighbors was gone a month and it just was no big deal. I don't know what pet sitters charge, since I don't charge. People have helped me when I needed it and so it is just a favor returned.

You can find a reliable roommate. Check references, Make a contract or lease agreement, don't leave anything out of an agreement. If you ever loan that person some money, make an agreement and have it signed and notarized. Protect yourself.

Just as you need to protect yourself now. Can you live with this guy living with you, knowing what you know about him? He has lost your trust, can you forgive him? Can you move from a romantic relationship to a platonic one with him? Sometimes that does work. Sometimes it does not.

I do understand that you have a great deal on your shoulders. Whatever you decide to do about this guy, I do wish you the very best. Hoping that your brother's murderer receives the penalities due to him. Take care.

Hello.

Sending you a great Big Hug... Im so sorry that your having to gp through so many things all at once.

Normally I say Once a cheater always a cheater so kick him to the curb your better off without him. BUT there is a twist to this one. Maybe just Maybe he could be saved.

Let me start by saying I just went through a similar experience with an old friend. She had so many thing going on in her life she was over powered by them all and needed help. As a good friend I helped and the longer I tried to help the more I could see that nomatter what I did or said it was wrong...

She pushed me away and never knew she was doing it. In her eyes I was pulling away from her (the now bad guy) so it took over a year for her to get to the point she could relax and see what she had done. During that time it was pure Hell on me.

Im not saying cheating is OK its never OK but as in all rules some times we break them not knowing what we are doing.

Maybe just Maybe you pushed and pushed, He tried everything to help and found himself in need os a shoulder to cry on and it couldn't be yours. The help this Lady offered as a friend in time crossed the line into Sexual help.

I know you wanted to have everyone tell you to dump him but I honestly think you need to open your eyes to what the people around you went through and are going through.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Sorry for your loss, and hope it turns out OK. As for the boyfriend, you really don't need him in your life right now, and should kick his cheating ways out of your life, and try to find a dog sitter and a room mate, or move to something you can afford. You have enough misery in your life, and its time to heal from all of this. Start by getting rid of the boyfriend.

Update... since the post, I found out things were much worse than I ever suspected. According to one of his women, they were picking out wedding songs.

Nevertheless, we have been seriously trying to work things out. I take a lot of blame for the problems. I often try to make him go away because I don't want to be hurt again. My mind tells me that he is not the guy I fell in love with but my heart won't give up on him. One of his women have stumbled onto this site and told him about it... so now, I know he's back in contact with them. It causes me to want to run away but I am still trying to work things out. I do still love him.

Loving someone who cheats and lies is unhealthy.

Oh my god, you don't need this crap. You obviously have your plate full. Don't bother with him or his tramp. It's kind of weird that she would be keeping tabs of you online. Just go No Contact fast. You need this to heal.

Just work on you, get yourself together, you don't need him for rent or to watch any dogs. There are always options besides leaning on someone toxic. Being poor is better than being with that loser. Best of luck.

Sounds like he isn't doing anything to resolve the situation. He may have never loved you in the first place so what are you trying to hang on to him. Move along there is someone better for you. You'll feel better after you resolve this. Letting it continue will drag you down.