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My husband and I usually agree on most big things in our lives. However, our son is now 3 and I am thinking that I want another baby. My husband does not... at all. He loves being able to concentrate on one child. So do I, but I think I will regret later on that we only had 1 child.
How do you negotiate this argument?
Depending on how old you both are, I'd say give your husband some more time.
My two children were four and a half years apart. That was terrific spacing! When I had the second one, the first started preschool after four years of being an only child. He was ready and eager, smart and mature for his age. The younger one then was treated somewhat like an only child. There was never sibling rivalry because each had a chance to develop his own special talents and abilities without interference from the other; each had his own group of friends.
I strongly suggest you wait. Give this child everything you've got in the departments of offering guidance, allowing bits of independence, teaching responsibility, etc.
Don't nag your husband over this because that will just make him dig in his heels even more.
I would rather have one terrific, well-brought-up child than two or three whom I realized too late that my husband and I couldn't handle after all.
I'm not sure that this is something that can be "negotiated." This is one area where you and your husband have decidedly different opinions. That's not to say that either of you is right or wrong ; you just have different feelings about this particular matter. How old are the two of you? People often change their minds about these things over the years. 5 years from now your husband may change his mind and decide he wants another child after all. You might also change your mind and decide that you only want 1 child after all. Or you might find that you don't have the regrets you think you're going to have after all. One thing is sure however and that is that you shouldn't force another child on your husband if he's reluctant. That'd be a bad mistake. Either wait for him to come around to the idea on his own or resign yourself to having only one child.
Tell him your child would want a sibling that might help!
Often times when you have that first baby, and you have all that one on one special time together, it is a scary thought to have another for many reasons. Being afraid that you won't be able to possibly love another baby as much as you love your first. Being afraid you won't be able to devote as much time to your first child, and they will begin to resent you.being afraid of the added responsibility. Will you have enough financially, physically, emotionally to provide for two children. Starting all over again with an infant that depends totally on you for everything... a baby that is so fragile... will you be able to remember how to properly take care of one? Will the first child get jealous, lonely, or feel deprived?will they have a good relationship together? And so many more questions. Everyone says " you'll never be prepared to have a baby, until you have one". Well the same goes for each new child you bring into the family I think. We recently just added our second boy to the family. My first son will be three in 2 1/2 months, our second son is now 6 weeks old. My husband was afraid to try for another baby for months on end. Finally about 6 months after talking to him about it, he agreed. I didn't push him, I didn't try to talk him into it. I just told him my feelings on it, how badly I wanted another, how the spacing of the years was just right for what we talked about in the past, etc. He was still hesitant when he agreed,but I finally got him to talk to me, and reveal why he was so hesitant(all the above statements were his worries)we talked about it, how I was nervous too, etc and lucky for us, it took us a year before we finally conceived, so we both had time to get ready. I think the important thing here is for you to sit down with him and find out the true reasons behind his hesitancy. From there try to resolve the issue. Perhaps he just needs time. But I can assure you, once you hold that baby in your arms, none of it matters. You DO love that child just as much as the first, and the love for the first doesn't dimenish. If anything it just grows, as you watch you child bond with the new baby, and take on the loving role of big brother. Nourish their relationship by making sure that the older sibling doesn't feel left out, or replaced. They love to play the "big helper" role, and are great at it. Try not to share the older siblings things with the younger, unless the older agrees. If you do decide to have another child, don't worry, it's just as marvelous a journey as the first time, it only gets better.remember, communication and patience is the key. Good luck.
I am in the same perdicament... I have a 3 year old almost 3 1/2.. And I'm ready for number two. Like my friend said if I got pregnant now my son would be over 4 years old. And I really don't mind waiting another 6 months or even a year I cannot wait another 5 years as my step father suggested. I don't want a 9 year old and a newborn. I just can't get my husband to agree. He tells me maybe in the future but tells his family and friends never. He's perfectly happy with the one we have now, as am I but I want my son to have the privilege of having a friend for life. I don't know what to do... :confused:
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but having two children close together is absolutely no guarantee of their having "a friend for life." My two sons are four+ years apart, and never could you find two more opposite personalities. They don't hate each other, but friends they will never be. My sibs and I are mostly four years apart. We live in our own worlds and rarely see eye-to-eye on anything. I've found this is the case in most families--sibs don't become friends for life.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdreamer85
What's a really good reason to have another baby?
They may not be friends for life. But they will share something with each other they will never share with anyone else.
I have only one child. It drives me nuts. Sometimes because of the day to day stuff - it would be nice for her to have another child to play with (one that wasn't invited over). But mostly because of the future. When we are older and she is grown. It would be nice to have someone else in this world that really knows her and has her back. It scares me when I think of us dying and she will be alone. Hopefully by then she will have her own family - but she will never sit around my kitchen table with her siblings sharing "remember when" stories about her childhood. Or have some to call that won't judge her and will just let her vent.
Also, I think that being an only child, you grow up thinking the world revolves around you. How could you not - the world does revolve around you at home.
Having a sibling, you learn conditional love. Your sister doesn't have to love you. Your mom always will. There are so many things to be learned by having another sibling in the house. I think that is a HUGE benefit of having more than one.
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