Me and my husband have now been married for 9months. For the first 6months of our marriage we were going through a custody battle for his 2 yr old little girl. When the biological mother found out about our marriage she said we would never see the little girl again. We went to court the first time and agreed to her having primary custody to our visitations rights. Four days after it was settled in court we have not seen the child sense. We are now back in the court system with the mother in contempt. She neglects our visitation will not answer the phone. Teaches the child foul language to say toward her step mother, Is not in a stable home and is staying with a man that she is not married to. How can I prove that the child deserves a better life?

It would take quite a bit. But do keep taking her in for contempt. Judges hate that, and eventually could simply reverse custody to you guys all together because of it. But it will take patience. Judges don't really "get involved" when it comes to moving in new partners. Though a lot of people consider it morally wrong, unless the new person is a convict, drug dealer/user (and it can be proved) or something extreme like that a judge won't find the parent unfit for it.

First of all, what does the mother do that makes her an unfit mother? Is she an alcoholic or drug addict? Does she hit the child, neglect her or starve her? Does she leave her alone, or with a lot of different strangers, have weird people in and out of her home? Is she mentally ill and unable to care for the child? Often, in order to find a parent unfit, the lawyers will request a battery of psychological tests. These often have to be paid for by the person trying to prove a party as unfit, and their lawyer can request the same be done for them. It can be a costly and unnecessary procedure. If the mother is just a pain in the a$$, it's best to stay away from claims of her being unfit, and instead try to find another way of mediating the situation.

Secondly, I hate to say this, because I understand where you might be coming from, but your reference to "OUR visitation rights" is incorrect. It is your husband's visitation rights and legally has nothing to do with you. "WE" are not now back in court - "HE" is. This may be the kind of thing that causes this child's mother to refuse to answer the phone or honour visitation. I think you should be as supoortive to your husband as you can, but maybe if you backed off a bit and let the situation be between your husband and his ex it might not be as volatile for the child. Again, I don't know the situation, but I have seen this happen before when I was a counselor.

It is such a shame that this little girl is stuck in the middle of all this nonsense. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you and your husband. I'm just wondering if there is a better way of achieving the results you require than this way.

I hope this all works out for the best of this little girl, for she should be the primary concern of all. Best of luck!

Hugs, Didi

Hi there I saw this post and was just curious how everything turned out? You see My husband and I are in the same situation as well only difference is my husband has a 6 yr old son. So believe me I do completely understand what you went through. We are about to go through the same thing. We have been together for 3 yrs and married for 1 yr and his ex wife has been like this from the moment she found out my husband and I started to date even though we abide by the child laws she has always done things her way. So I guess what my question is, do you have any advice?

athenamiller22,it was posted on Jun 29, 2007, 02:39 PM

Yes I am aware of that still just wanted to know the out come.

When their one and only last post was Jun 29, 2007, 02:39 PM it means they are not coming back for a follow up.

@ athenamill22 - How is that situation going for you?
My husband and I are in the same boat. Only he was never married to his daughters mother.

Just because you don't like the way the mother is raising the child doesn't mean its wrong. You have your view and she has hers. Obviously the little girl needs. To be with the mother unless of course she hits her or uses drugs or is an alcoholic. Your husband will get visitation rights especially if he is keeping up with his support payments and if he is doing what's right. You should imagine how you would feel if your ex and his wife were trying to take your daughter. It woul dhurt you a lot. You say she is living with a man unmarried, but who are you to judge? You cannot decide how this woman lives her life. And you can bet your bottom dollar that mother loves her litle girl more than you can imagine. So as you go through this, you should try and take your feelings out of the equasion. That little girl will probably want to be with her mommy more than anything. And as she gets older, she will be able to make her own mind up about things. But for now, she needs her mother. You should go for visitation and all that, but I would strongly suggest that you do not try and separate a child from their mommy. It is not right. It is not right at all.

Oh for heaven's sake.

This thread is THREE YEARS OLD, and the OP hasn't been back to follow up.

Closed.