Ask Me Help Desk - My Love or my Family?

Well I am 18yrs old girl... I am in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now.. we were friends be4 thatt.. Just little background knowledge that I am not allowed to date or be in a relationships because of religious reasons, so my parents are against it. My mom recently found out about us.. and she wants me to stop talking to him and end this relationship until he is ready financially to get married.. which is a long time from now since he is 20 right now.. Currently, we don't meet or go out.. we only talk on phone or online.. and he understands and that's why decided not to meet and stick to talking on phone and online..
Now my mom is asking me to completely stop talking to him.. I really do love him and believe that he is sincere about us as well.. however, not talking to him for more then 5 years that's impossible.. My mom says that if he loves you truly he will wait. I know he will wait but just the idea of not talking to him for such a long time.. seems immpossible.. my life day by day is turning in to hell.. becuz now I have to hide and talk to him.. my sisters are against me on this as well. My question is what should I do? Leave the person I love the most for my family? Or go against my family?

I respect peoples religious beliefs but sometimes I have a hard time understanding them.

It is natural in life to fall in love. We are creatures that crave love. Why is it that you have to stop seeing someone because of religion.

This is just my opinion but...

You are a legal adult. If it were me, I would date whom ever I wanted regardless of my parents religious beliefs. At 18yrs old, I wouldn't be thinking of marriage but only of enjoying my life and experiencing as much as possible.

Ok... before I continue... what is your view on these religious beliefs?

Oh... and one more thing. Why should it be a choice between your love or family. If your family truly loves you they will respect your decision and be there no matter what.

It's easy for your mom to tell you to stop talking to him but she forgets she's torturing you because of that.

If it's really impossible for you to date him, be friends!

But why make such a big deal out of dating?

Hello.

I have a question for you...

You said you can't see him for religious reasons then you talk about 5 years. I can understand your parents saying you can't be with a person that doesn't have the same religious background as you but it sounds like your being told you can't be with him until he is able to support you. If you can help me understand a little better I will be able to help you much better.

Which religion is it that says that you can't date someone until you are 23 years old, or until he is financially able to support you? I feel like something is missing here.

Didi

It sounds to me like dating is not an option unless it is for marriage... and only if he is financially stable enough to start and support a family.

Sorry, I pushed post before I was finished...

I am puzzled how you can say that you are in a relationship when you do not date or meet, only talk on the phone or online. I also have concerns that you are considering putting a 'relationship' of this manner ahead of your family relationship. I am especially concerned that you would be talking of marriage when the two of you really haven't been able to deal with the normal relationship issues that a couple faces as they date. Life on the phone and internet is considerably different than the way it is when you are together socially.

I think if you had been dating for 2 or 3 years and they were trying to end your relationship that I would feel differently. I also think that IF this is what you opt to do, there should be mini-steps building up to it. For instance, in order to assert any independence and choices in your life, I think the first step is to move out of your home. Have your own apartment and be totally self-sufficient. If you do this for a period, then you prove to your family that you are more capable of making rational decisions concerning your social and emotional life.

In some ways I can understand why your family is concerned. Maybe they are just trying real hard to help you to mature before taking serious steps? I know that some relationships can survive with a beginning such as this, but the reality of it all is, they are few and far between.

By the way, I DO understand. I left home to marry a 19 year old when I was 16.

Hope this helps,
Didi

I'm very sorry for your situation. Think about what your parents would do if you chose to continue dating him. If they'll just be angry, defy your parents. If they'll cut you out of their lives completely... well, I was going to say quit dating him, but your family should love you unconditionally. If they don't, SCREW 'EM! You know you will always have a friend in this guy, even if it doesn't work out romantically and I'm sure you'd have the support of your current friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unknownsoul

Well i am 18yrs old girl...I am in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now..we were friends be4 thatt..Just lil background knowledge that I am not allowed to date or be in a relationships becuz of religious reasons, so my parents are against it. My mom recently found out about us.. and she wants me to stop talking to him and end this relationship until he is ready financially to get married.. which is a long time from now since he is 20 right now.. Currently, we dont meet or go out..we only talk on phone or online.. and he understands n thats why decided not to meet and stick to jus talking on phone and online..
Now my mom is asking me to completely stop talking to him..I really do love him and believe that he is sincere about us as well..however, not talking to him for more then 5 years thats impossible..My mom says that if he loves you truly he will wait. I know he will wait but just the idea of not talking to him for such a long time..seems immpossible..my life day by day is turning in to hell..becuz now i have to hide n talk to him..my sisters are against me on this as well. My question is what should i do? Leave the person i love the most for my family? or go against my family?

Hi my mum doesn't agree with my fiancé if you read my posts you will no why I ran away to live with him and my mum isn't talking to me she was but she hates hm follow your heart I did and I'm soooo happy.