My husband and I were really excited to learn recently that we are pregnant. We have had some complications and agreed that we would not share this news with our family until we meet with the doctor and know everything is all right. Well, I found out this morning he did in fact already share this news with his family who lives overseas last weekend. I even asked if he mentioned anything when he spoke with them last weekend and it hurts to know he straight out lied to me. I thought this would be news we would share together, or at the very least, I would know when he shared the news with his family! He has already told me that he has seen a new side of his parents (my husband was very disappointed in their lack of involvement in our wedding... they treated it more of their going away party to relocate back overseas than their son's wedding day.) and he's noted they most likely will not be very involved when we do start a family, but that choice is up to them how much they want to be a part of their grandchildren's lives. If he feels that way, I don't get why he was anxious to tell them and then lie to me about it. I just feel betrayed right now. Also, anytime I get upset, he tells me it is just a side effect from the pregnancy and I am over-reacting. It's more of a big deal that he lied to me than it is that he told his family the news. Thanks for letting me vent and get this out of my system!

It really shouldn't be anything to worry about. To me it sounds like he told his family because he was excited and then you said not to tell anyone and he was sorry that he did but didn't want to get in trouble from you / nagging because of his mistake. It also could be a little manly pride or embarrassment because he did make a mistake; but again, I don't think its anything to really get mad or worried over.

Best of luck with your new addition to the family :)

Perhaps he wanted to tell them without you knowing, in case they reacted badly to the news, he didn't want you to be upset by their possible reaction(and it sounds as though those suspicions were correct and they are being selfish about the whole situation, just like at your wedding). When he heard their reaction, he was probably trying to figure out how to best tell you, without upsetting you. Perhaps he was just trying to protect you, and doesn't think of it as lying to you. When we are pregnant, we do tend to feel things more deeply then we would have in the past. Completely normal. It doesn't mean we over react(though at times we certainly do) it just means that our emotions are closer to the surface, and we are more vulnerable to them. I don't think he meant to go behind your back, and tell them without you being a part of it. Guys tend to act more out of a protective manner, and then don't understand why we don't always see it as that. It was wrong for him to not tell you, but I don't feel that the intentions were wrong or malicious. Don't deny your feelings in the matter, but try not to be angry with him either. It can't be easy for him to know that his own family doesn't want to be a part of the two most wonderful things in his life right now. His marriage to you, and your child together. Use this experience to bring you closer together. Good luck and best of wishes. Feel free to vent here any time.

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope all continues to go well with you and the baby.

Now, as for the issue at hand... sweetie, I understand both of your reasons for wanting to keep it a secret and for failing to keep it a secret. The truth is, in your marriage your motto should be: "No secrets!" I also hear you when you say that you are hurt, and you have a right to be. However, let this be a lesson to you that almost always, secrets just do not work! At least you have learned that your husband can't keep them! Maybe he has just learned this for himself.

There are probably a lot of reasons he shared this with his family despite saying he wouldn't or didn't. I believe when he said he wouldn't, he meant it with all of his heart. When he said he didn't he was probably disappointed and ashamed that he did, and hurt by their response.

Use this whole situation to strengthen your relationship and your new family life and do not allow it to create distance between you. Promise yourself and your husband not to put him in that kind of situation again (holding a secret) and have your husband learn that telling you something that he knows might disappoint you will NOT result in a horrendous fight, but in an opportunity for understanding and forgiveness.

Concentrate on learning from the experience, discussing how similar situations will be handled in the future, loving each other and creating a happy environment for that baby to be growing up into. Remember, baby feels and hears you and 'daddy' now... so make the experience one of nurturning and warmth instead of stress.

Hugs to you.

Didi

I told the woman who is carrying my child (I'm still not sure how to best refer to her... so bare with me ;)) that we should wait until all tests are in before we tell anyone.

And then I told my brother... who has been my best friend and confidant since the day he was born. I'm not keeping this a secret from my "baby's mama" (rofl, had to use this one at least once) because I want to lie or conceal anything from her. I just needed some support from my brother because of the state of shock that I was in.

I'm figuring your husband needed the same thing... he's probably scared as hell, not because he wanted to hurt you or betray your trust. And his fear probably has absolutely nothing to do with his preparedness to take on this exciting new role in your lives and everything to do with the fact that there is a very impressionable +1 about to be added to his world.

Hope the male side of the answer helps and that things are well!