:confused: Hello,
My 16 yr old son moved in with family out of town and transferred to new high school which has made him much happier. He wants to live with us again, but still attend his new school. We are both torn of how to handle this. He does not want to ask us to move, and we don't want to move, yet he is much more happy, outgoing and productive. He wants to do better in school and go to college.

At his last high school, he was classified a loser, ignored, had little or no friends or self-esteem. He turned this into depression and anger, for which he was put in juvinile hall for assault. He moved in with family to decrease the conflicts and power struggles we were having, i.e. to take a break from each other.

My question: Do I uproot my two other children from their schools, change jobs and sell home to ensure his happiness for two years before he goes off to college?

You are 'between a rock and hard spot' with this decision and I really don't see any compromise that is going to do anyone any good in the long run. The ideas you have, selling house, uprooting, etc. is not really the way to solve the problem.

Do you think you son has learned enough social skills, while being away, to handle himself back at the old school?

Maybe the best thing is for your son to stay where he is for a couple of years and spend more time with you on the weekends .

After all, he will be going off to college and will be in the same boat as he is now. I know for sure its hard to let them go, cut those apron strings and just let him tough it out where he is.

How far away is the other high school? It is possible, I understand, to go to a school that is out of your district if you pay the appropriate fees. If it's close enough, you might consider having him live at home, but be enrolled at the other school. It will mean having to get him there every day, but that would be a lot less disruptive than moving.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bsmom91

:confused: Hello,
My 16 yr old son moved in with family out of town and transferred to new high school which has made him much happier. He wants to live with us again, but still attend his new school. We are both torn of how to handle this. He does not want to ask us to move, and we don't want to move, yet he is much more happy, outgoing and productive. He wants to do better in school and go to college.

At his last high school, he was classified a loser, ignored, had little or no friends or self-esteem. He turned this into depression and anger, for which he was put in juvinile hall for assault. He moved in with family to decrease the conflicts and power struggles we were having, i.e. to take a break from each other.

My question: Do I uproot my two other children from their schools, change jobs and sell home to ensure his happiness for two years before he goes off to college?

---

This town is about two hours away

I am new at this and not sure how to reply. He has good social skills, he is just having a hard time at his home school finding friends because he is not athletic, doesn't party etc. Having a hard time finding a social circle to join that accepts him for who he is.

I can say from experience that if your son has made a turn around and has become motivated and happy with himself and school do not change it! Your relationship with him will far outlast the 2 years apart. But 2 hours away is hardly reason to be apart, you can bring him home every weekend, holiday and all summer long. May your time together quality since it can't be quantity and tell him you LOVE him and would LOVE to have him home but you see how happy he is where he is and that makes you happy for him. Just because he is doing so well now where he is is no guarantee that he would transition back to where he was happily. He may very well fall right back into old habits and trouble. Encourage him to make the very most he can out of the last two years at school because they are very important for his future. And most importantly that you will always be there for him way beyond those two years.

First off I'm 16, and it isn't so great being teenager when life is like that.. . I would say; you don't have to move to be near him. Just let him be where he is. If he's happy he's happy. ( and he's only got two more years anyway).

-al the best