After 12 years in a horrible, abusive relationship, I am getting a divorce. I am really young, so I know that I have my whole life in front of me. I can't help feeling, however, that my world has come crashing down. Horrible as he was, my husband is all that I have ever known. This way of life is the familiar. It is what I am used to . I just feel so lost. I do not even know who I am anymore. I feel so strong whenever he is not here, but whenever he is around, I feel like he has some sort of power over me. I begin to wish that he would be good to me, and care for me, even though I know he won't and he doesn't. I know that this relationship has to end, because it is not good for me. How can I stay strong, and begin to recover from this hell I have lived in? How can I begin to be independent and find myself? Any advice is appreciated.

A few years ago I was in a very abusive relationship, he used to beat and verbally abuse me. It took awhile for me to finally say that's it I am done, I left him and moved on but I had my struggles. I had no money when I left all I had was few clothes and a crape job. I pushed through it though. Overtime I was vulnerable or I wanted to go back and be with him, I kept telling myself what a horrible man he really was for doing all those things to me. NO women or man deserves to be treated like there no one and just a piece of sh*t.

I am now happily married to man who loves and respects me so much that he would never raise a hand to be in a million years. I have been married for a year and in this relationship for 5 years. There is hope out there just keep looking and don't give up hope.
You know what you may need is a support group in your town or in the next city, do you have family? If you want you can email me privately if you don't want to discuss things on the posts ([email protected]).

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Originally Posted by teachermama3

After 12 years in a horrible, abusive relationship, I am getting a divorce. I am really young, so I know that I have my whole life in front of me. I can't help feeling, however, that my world has come crashing down. Horrible as he was, my husband is all that I have ever known. This way of life is the familiar. It is what I am used to . I just feel so lost. I do not even know who I am anymore. I feel so strong whenever he is not here, but whenever he is around, I feel like he has some sort of power over me. I begin to wish that he would be good to me, and care for me, even though I know he won't and he doesn't. I know that this relationship has to end, because it is not good for me. How can I stay strong, and begin to recover from this hell I have lived in? How can I begin to be independent and find myself? Any advice is appreciated.

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Hey how are you I hope after you get divorced you feel abit better I suggest that you go now for a new blace to be relax you should travel for I while for about month to make yourself relaxed and I think you will find new one who will loves you and treat you well but just give it time and choose right this time

I have been in your position, but the other way around - my girlfriend was the controlling manipulative abusive one.
I ended it 6 months ago after 4 years together and I can tell you now that is has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. After 4 years of stress and emotional clobbering, I too got very very used to it and had HUGE withdrawals from the adrenalin rush that it created day in day out.
Thankfully for me she met a new man very shortly after I ended who is far younger and thus will be easier for her to control. Had he not come into the picture I think I could well have ended up going back to her.
My advice to you would be to go and see a therapist. Talk to friends and family for as long or as much as you have to and realise that the relationship was an addiction to the stress and upset he created within you.
It will take you a long while to get over this. I would not consider looking for any other relationship right now. You need to heal. You need to rediscover who you are again. You need to love yourself again, and forgive yourself.
First step is to STOP any contact with him. This is so so difficult, but you need to do it for your mental and emotional health. Think of him as heroin - poisionous and addictive.
Every time you have contact you are getting another hit.
Try your very best not to think about him - realise that if and when you do, he still has control over you.
See as much of friends and family as possible. Force yourself to the gym. Force yourself to think positively about yourself. Don't let the b*****d win. He is not worthy of your thoughts.

When you are lawfully not together anymore, you can take personal time to find yourself. Get your dreams and all the things you want out of life before you can start letting other people in your life to share your vision of life and likes you for you.

You can then start going out and find the one that you missed;)