Just got invited to a surprise party to celebrate the milestone birthday (40!) of a friend of mine. My former friend is also invited and is going. I really don't want to run into her. My husband says it's rude because I saw her at school all the time and we talked, I am just not in the mood to deal with this. Party is in three weeks...

Have at it guys... do I come down with the flu or do I get drunk at the party?

Thanks!

I think that if the person who is turning 40 is a good friend then you should go. As far as the former friend... no, don't get drunk. Carry yourself well, smile and nod and move on. There is no reason to "deal" with anything. Act like a mature adult and get this over with. It sounds like you are holding in pain and anger. You might want to figure out some ways of learning how to deal with that before the party! I think your husband is correct, though. It would be rude not to attend. Or perhaps you really just aren't a good friend?

Didi

If the person who is turning 40 is your good friend, you should go and be apart of the surprise. Don't mind the other former friend of yours. If you run into her, do what Didi said, act like a mature adult and carry yourself well. Hold your head up high. You never know you might actually get along with this person. It does seem as if there is some tension or anger built up between you two for years. She/he might have learn to forgive and forget that situation. What ever happens, I wish the best of luck to you.

Turning 40 for your friend will not happen again. It is an opportunity that you have to share in the celebration. Attend the party for the sake of your friend. Who cares who else is there? You don't have to speak with your former friend. Just avoid her if you need to. But, this may be an opportunity to become friends again.

I have broken up with a number of friends over the years and then gotten back together as friends. This may be just the situation to make up and be friends. You never know what will happen until you try.

But, none-the-less, I would still attend the birthday party.

I also agree with the answers that have been given above this one.

I don't think it's rude, but I want to tell you something about my real life.
I was invited to party many times before, then I said no no no every time. Now people don't ask me any more, I am glad.
So it's up to you, if you expect people leave you alone... that's fine to say no.
But remember after you 've said several times, you problly won't get a chance to be invited.
Thanks.

Don't let your former friend ruin your current friendships, it will just end up being a vicious cycle that you can't stop.

You have NO real good reason not to go, so I think you should go and deal with anything you would have to deal with. You can do it!

You should go!

Have fun, but don't get drunk and be irresponsible! :p

Not to enjoy yourself because of one person makes no sense. Go and have fun with everyone else. No don't get drunk.

Thanks everyone! If it was a HUGE party this wouldn't be a problem, but technically there's only 10 of us. The birthday person and my former friend have been friends for 20 years, so they have more history than we do (but oddly enough, in the past three years my former friend and I were closer than those two ever were).
It's just mind boggling that last week I get a present and a phone call from my former friend, we played phone tag and now she's once again ignoring my phone calls. There's a saying in Mexico "either pitch, catch, or get off the mound", I wish she'd just get off my life's mound :). She made overtures to rebuild and then ran... what's up with that? (read my other post... )
The main reason to go to the party would be to see the birthday person's face because she was ADAMANT about no parties :)

I remember your other post very well, and its time to let the BS go and accept people for what they are. Its you letting her live rent free in your head, and now it controls your life to the extent you can't celebrate with others who are your friends also. LET IT GO, live and let live.

It's hard to let go when someone leaves a present at your front door with a note that to the uneducated would seem nothing is wrong... followed by a phone call 10 days later which again, to the uneducated would seem nothing's wrong (I did not acknowledge the birthday email or present). It's MADDENNING... I hate pretending nothing's wrong when someone has hurt me, I did it for years but now I'm too old for it. During the school year, I had to pretend "everything was chirpy" because all the contact we had to have with activities we were volunteering for. With the school year being over, I was having a DANDY time until...
I guess I'll be civilized at the party... but if you think about it... my former friend has told me for MONTHS she has "no time" to do anything... but when something comes up that doesn't involve me... she's there, with a sheepish look in her face. I've seen this happen MANY times.
But yeah, let's leave Tallarin a present so she doesn't feel completely neglected... now THAT is BS!
Oh well... party on dudes! And thanks!

Tallarin -

Hi, I just came across your entire thread of the problems you had with your best friend. Are you still available to talk to? I realize this all happened 3/4 years ago. I'm wondering how you are doing now?

Wow... hey, I know this is random.. but I googled 'my best friend isn't talking to me' because to be honest.. she really isn't it doesn't even feel like she's my best friend anymore. Any time I ask to hang out, she just tells me she can't and I asked her recently if she could hang out the next week and she just said she couldn't. Anyway.. I ran across one of your.. well, older questions about your old best friend and I just really felt like asking you how your doing. I know, random, but hey.. there's no shame in asking. I've had to ditch a best friend before and it definitely isn't easy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by valleria

Tallarin -

Hi, I just came across your entire thread of the problems you had with your best friend. Are you still available to talk to? I realize this all happened 3/4 years ago. I'm wondering how you are doing now?

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Hey! Lol I think we both ran across all her questions and ran into a similar conclusion that we had to ask! :)