Ask Me Help Desk - Too young?

Too young?

OK I am 16, as well is my boyfriend, and we are VERY serious, I want to marry him when I finish collage , that way I won't have any chance about ruining my education and having a baby, and I know that if I get married I will have intercourse. But he wants to marry before collage but after high school. Now I want to be financially stable before I even try to take up any responsibilities that come with marriage. He on the other hand is worried about our relationship and if we go to different collages what if we have a falling out, we are so attatched to each other that I don't think it could ever happen, but he is so afraid to loose me that he worries and he want me to commit to him just in case, he trust me its just that were young and people change and we grow in different ways,
Anyway I need some advice, assume that were together after high school and now should we marry before collage or after?;)

OK sweetie, this may not really be for me to answer, but I honestly think that you are too young to think of marriage at this time. First finish college no matter what this guy tells you and get all your priorities straight. Believe me, you will be doing this for YOU and not anyone else. I have a 14 year old daughter and I really would not like to see her throw her life away so early in life just because she really likes this guy... you have a long life ahead of you and if this love is strong like you say it is, it will last a lifetime if you wait a little longer. Don't worry about going to different schools. If your love falls apart, then it really was not meant to be in the first place. I have to tell you. I love ice cream but I don't think I could eat it every day... notice the word love?? It can mean anything!

After college, definitely. Look here and you will see that divorce rates for those marrying young are drastically higher. Not to say that some don't work out, but these statistics speak volumes about how much people mature in a few years.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but if you want to have any chance whatsoever of getting into college you need to work on your writing and spelling skills. And before everyone jumps on me, that's not a criticism, it is a serious suggestion. Whether you like it or not, you ARE judged by your communication skills. If your entrance exams are even remotely like your post, you're going to have a tough time getting a decent school to notice you.

I once asked myself such a question. And I know, there would be two things for me to understand. I must understand that the early marriage has risks of divorce. And I must understand that he is not mature enough to make sure I am the woman he like most in his entire life.
After I know these two things, I give up marrying dreams. I know there is a long road for me to march. The road's name is life. And its theme is difficulty and overcoming.

My advice is wait on the marriage. Sounds like your partner is insecure and that never helps a relationship. Go to college and get your education first. Then see how things are then. If you both still feel the same way and continue to be with each other then it is your choice then.

Statitics show that earlier marriages have a greater rate of failing in divorce. Do you want to be in that situation? Older you are and waiting longer for a couple chanches are better for a long marriage.

Joe

Gosh... I look back at the person I was at 16 and recall just how immature I was... I had a very romantic view on the world, I thought I knew, and could do all. I was in a couple of relationships that I thought were 'it' forever... thank goodness I didn't commit to anything at that time. In the years since (and I'm only now 23 so I'm still not a deep well of wisdom, but perhaps you will see that I can relate to your situation) I have grown and lived beyond anything that I could have imagined at 16. University, employment, purchasing my own real estate, more study, socialising, meeting new people - all of these things change and mould you into what sometimes seems like a completely different person.

I am now 23 and I have met a wonderful man, beyond what I could have ever imagined when I was 16. At 16 I didn't even realise that a partner so wonderful could ever exist.

I'm not saying 'don't... I'm just trying to indicate to you that though I'm sure you love him and have a lovely relationship - you have so much to experience and learn. Maybe if you truly believe that it is the right relationship for now and always, then give it time, give yourself time to grow and be certain that when you're 23 you aren't going to meet someone as I did and truly appreciate all the wonderful things about that person.

I know there are never any certainties in life, but I would suggest that even by posting on here asking this question - you truly already know the answer, and as indicated by the responses, we all (including you) think that yes - you are too young. Young people seem to see that as a condemnation, but it is never intended as such - it's just truth, reality, and people that have been where you are now and beyond sharing their experiences.

I think it would be great if you had a big think about what marriage is, what it means, and know that despite societies trends, it is intended to be FOREVER! Not just until you get sick of it, or meet someone better - it is a HUGE deal - and for all we know, we live only once - so take our advice, wait, go out an achieve your goals - think in single digits for a while as opposed to thinking in doubles and see where your head is after college.

Good luck =)

I think your to young take it from me cause I'm 16 too and you might think that your in love but once you get married and then you look back and think why did I do this. Your relationship chould change and so could he so I think you should wait until after collage and if you are still together and still want to get married then you should go for it. Well I hope you find your answer and do the rite thing and keep one thing in mind don't do something tat you willl regret later.

GOOD LUCK
HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR U

Please stick to your guns, and get through college before you make those life decisions. You both will grow and change, and whether you grow together only time will tell. Your boyfriend is scared and insecure and wants you locked in now, and when your in college I see this as a major problem, if he doesn't take the proper steps to overcome his issues. You have a long way to go, so stick to your plans. You already know that neither of you is ready yet.

Yes, my advice is getting your master if you can , then think about marriage.
U need a way to back up, because guys change their mind all the time, be self-sufficient and learn to handle "everything" before you get married.
Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by sooperblond

ok i am 16, as well is my boyfriend, and we are VERY serious, i want to marry him when i finish collage , that way i wont have any chance about ruining my education and having a baby, and i know that if i get married i will have intercourse.

Having intercourse doesn't inevitably lead to having babies. There is such a thing as birth control, and I strongly suggest you learn as much about your body and ways to avoid pregnancy as possible. It is the responsible thing to do!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kattalover

Having intercourse doesn't inevitably lead to having babies. There is such a thing as birth control, and I strongly suggest you learn as much about your body and ways to avoid pregnancy as possible. It is the responsible thing to do!

Um I think there is two ways in the sex life either you do it and that's that or you play it safe and don't do anything, I am playing safe. I never trust the birth control and I won't take it, I will be abstinent instead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sooperblond

i never trust the birth control and i wont take it, i will be abstinent instead.

Good luck!

Marry him I would because you could grow apart with you being so young X

If he really loves you, he will wait until you are sure you are ready.

Your boy friend sounds very insecure. Get your college education first, and if you both find you are still a match, go for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Your boy friend sounds very insecure. Get your college education first, and if you both find you are still a match, go for it.

That's def. right! Can't be said any better!

You should definintely wait until after you graduate from college. My sophomore year of college I got engaged but between working and going to school being "wifey" to my fiancé was not working out and we were both miserable. College is the time were you define yourself and figure out what you want to do with your life- it is fun but it is also a lot of hard work, you don't need to make it any harder by getting married. Bottom line if your relationship isn't strong enough to withstand college then you should not be marrying this person anyway. I am sure that your boyfriend is a very nice person but there is a whole world out there.