Hello,

I'm 37. My daughter is 14 and son is 12. I've been divorced for 4 years. I've been dating a wonderful man for 3 years. We want to marry but my entire family does not approve. Not only do they not like my boyfriend they simply feel I need to wait until my children are grown and moved out before marrying or even dating. My mother is very controlling and lives near by and has much influence on my children.
They cannot give me one reason for not liking him. My mother has even tried to have him investigated to no avail. He's an ex-military man and ex-police officer. He is squeaky clean.

I was married for 15 years to an alcoholic. He was never around for family functions and I've never been able to have a normal family life. The man I am dating now is my best friend. He loves family and its important to him to have a good relationship with his in-laws. My family however gives him no respect. They rarely awknowlege his presence in the room. This has caused a lot stress within our relationship and a few times we've come close to calling it quits. He always comes around however and he says he will wait until they will accept him.

-My question is.. should I wait? If so how long? I feel like my kids will never really ever want me to remarry not now or ten years from now. I feel like they will adapt and could even become good friends with my fiancé given half a chance. I adapted, my mom remarried when I was 5.

How is it that I see people all around me with children get remarried and its accepted and normal and for me it seems so hard?

My family feels that disrespecting him is only hurting him and they don't see that it hurts me too.

What should I do?

I would say if your mother is influencing your children to a point it causes problems in your life, you need to cut mom out of your life for the most part, and deal with mom on YOUR terms, not hers.

So they don't accept him, who cares, if he is a nice and wondrful person, stop fathers can be great in a child's life.

So take control of your life, and stop allowing your family to run it.

Maybe you should talk to your kids and if they like him and he asks you go for it I mean its your life not your family running your life
Love Aly :)

My advice, It is time to set bounderies and even cut your mother out of your life if she is so controlling with you and your children.

You need to make decisions that are best for you and your family. You're an adult and you need to live your own life without the interference of your family or especially your mother.

Joe

Your mom needs to butt out. You are a grown woman. Your mother needs to respect your life choices. If she doesn't then tell her until she shows you the respect you deserve she may have no communication with you or your kids. Your children still want to have Daddy back, a happy family. This is natural to children. They don't understand the complexity of relationships. They are fragile, so I know you want to do the right thing. But who's in charge of things? You are. He sounds like a great guy. In time your kids will probably realize your marriage to their father is over and will accept their step dad for the good in him.

I think your mom has been listening to Dr. laura too long. Sounds like she took the words right out of her mouth. Go and make a good family. Your mother will always be your mothr but not always your boss. I only say this because there are a lot of families that work with step-parents but sadly many do not and they make things worse. You sound thoughtful and smart and your boyfriend sounds that way too. I think he would be a great influence in your kids' lives and yours. Good luck. Mom needs to know that you are a woman now, not a kid.

Its not your mothers opinion that counts, but the effects on your children that should be a priority. If they accept him, your in. If not better to wait until they are older, or gone. Talk and listen to how they feel. Yes you deserve happiness, but not at the expense of your kids well being. He will understand if he loves you. Do you know how they feel about this situation?? Find out, and go from there. Mom will live with whatever decision you come to, and your kids are old enough to express themselves.