I have been in a relationship for 8 yrs. This person was my best friend, we did almost everything together, we were always together. He stayed at my place, I'd stay at his place. We would have if at all but little arguments over little things, nothing major. He asked me a few months ago if I wanted to marry him, which was a surprise, I could not give him a staight answer, but he took that as a NO. I was just scared. Well we were living together for a few months, but he recently moved back home because he will be going overseas soon. He recently went out of state for a couple of weeks, and came back, he just recently told me that he met someone when he went out of state, and decided to ask her to marry him. This really broke my heart and I was in total shock. He wants to remain friends, but I decided that I can not just be friends anymore, this was hard to do, but he broke my heart. Is this something that HE will regret, or I will regret?

Well - he was ready to get married - he wants more of a commitment - why didn't you? That's what you need to figure out.

I would take your answer as a NO as well - I bet you didn't give 100% explanation. He wants to be a his special gal for the rest of his life and you don't. You need to figure out your issues.

There is a great chance his cirrent relatinship won't work out.

I think you broke his heart as well - his needed mending and he found that in some one else.

WHY didn't you wanto marry - 8 years too long - you took him for granted - now he is gone.

Don't remain friends... pull back. Figure out WHy you didn't want to marry.

This is about you - not him.

Basically I think it's not your fault. I don't think he is worth it. If he really love u, he will always wait for you no matter how long it will be. How can he change his mind and find someone else in such a short period. So he don love u. I think that you will not regret. There are so many better guys out there, and he is definitely not the one. So don be sad ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by arunavcd

If he really love u, he will always wait for u no matter how long it will be. how can he jus change his mind and find someone else in such a short period of time. so he don love u.

---

This is just ridicilous (or whatever you spell that)!

If a normal guy loves a woman, and she says she doesn't want him, then he'd be considered a retard if he would wait for her until the rest of his life. If she says no, and doesn't change her mind in a reasonable amount of time (a few months) it would be NORMAL to expect a guy to interpret that no as a REAL NO, and move on.

I'd truly pity any girl that wouldn't take my no as a NO, and would prefer to wait for eternity for me to change my mind.

Well first of all there is more to this relationship, we dated in the beginning of our 8 yr relationship, then we stayed as very close friends, then we started getting serious again 2 yrs ago. I really wanted to marry this person, but I also wanted us to be sure we made the right decision instead jumping right into getting married. It is a very long story. Now that he met this person in such a short time (4 weeks ago) he wants to marry her, because he says she is his soul mate, which I did not take very well. They both live in separate states. I don't know if this will work out for them, but in the long run, I decided not to stay just friends with this guy, which has got to be the hardest thing to do after 8 yrs of having him in my life. What would you have done?

FIRST - YES - you defintely need to cut off ALL contact with this person for 2 to 4 months. Don't return calls. No e-mails. No text.

I DO NOT agree with just staying 'friends' with some one you are still in love with.

These relationships a lot of times fail - Long Distance is very hard - believe me - I know. And it seems Fast and Furious - which I don't believe in either. She is not his soul mate.

I know it's hard, But believe me - TIME is your ally - you need to wait this out.

By being needy-clingy and desperate you will only drive him away further. Work on yourself for now - workout, work hard at your job, school, hang with friends as much as possible, family, hobbies, take on NEW hobbies.

I have a feeling he may come back IF you do not contact him.

I am trying really hard to get through all this, I can't sleep at night, mornings are hard too, the fact that he is not next to me anymore. I am trying so hard also not to think about him, but we did so much together that it is impossible not to. I am trying my best to keep my emotions in, but when I alone I just start crying. I can't eat, I have no motivation right now, this is what he did to me. Does anyone believe in what goes around, comes around? :o

IF you play your cards right - yes. You CAN'T come across needy-clingy, desperate, insecure about this.

Keep ALL of this to yourself. Soon he is going to wonder why you haven't called.

Be busy - get out of the house and do things. Quit feeling sorry for yourself.

It WILL go away in time.

Trust 1000% on the no contact - that's the first step. AND don't return his calls either. It HAS to be this way - I know you want to call him - you do that and it's really over - trust me.

Forget him, I know it hard but you can do it, he is only with this other girl for the rebound from you! Well that is the impression I got anyway.

(1) he would never of fallen out of love with you that quick.
(2) he probily is just scarred to get hurt by you.

I hope that helps abit I think you should talk however be in the same room I know from experience nothing gets sorted out on the phone.

Well, I tried the no contact for a week, but he called me a week later, and wanted to come by my place to see me. I told him that was not a good idea, I did not want to see him because it would hurt me more and that I was sticking to not being "just friends" with him anymore, and have not spoken to him since, that was 2 days ago. I think that is the last time I will ever hear from him.

No way. You will hear from him. Trust me. Just don't call him. You most likely drove him bizerk.

Wildcat, you really think he will still keep calling me? I mean he told me that he "respected my decision not to be friends anymore, and hopes I am happy, now that I moved on". I really have already moved on yet, but I am trying. He is engaged now to someone who does not live in the same state, and is in the military. I think he will keep his distance from me too, what do you think? This is 8yrs of him in my life, and now it is down the drain!!

It's not down the drain!

Why do girls seem to think like this? "I have to stay with him, we have so much time invested..." I know I did the same thing when I was younger.

But you don't stay in a dead-end job because you would consider your time there wasted if you got a better job (that paid more and was better suited to your talents), right? If this logic made sense we'd all still be with the person we first went out with in seventh grade! It's a shame, it's a loss, but you are not beholden to him because you two share a lot of memories.

Has anyone been engaged to someone they just met in 3 weeks? If so did it work out? Just wondering if my ex is just doing this because he is in some phase right now, or if he is really in love.

No - You might not like this, but - he may have been in contact for a while with this gal. 3 weeks is not possible - are you sure they are engaged? He could have said that to upset you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lovesick

I have been in a relationship for 8 yrs. This person was my best friend, we did almost everything together, we were always together. He stayed at my place, I'd stay at his place. We would have if at all but little arguments over little things, nothing major. He asked me a few months ago if I wanted to marry him, which was a surprise, I could not give him a staight answer, but he took that as a NO. I was just scared. Well we were living together for a few months, but he recently moved back home because he will be going overseas soon. He recently went out of state for a couple of weeks, and came back, he just recently told me that he met someone when he went out of state, and decided to ask her to marry him. This really broke my heart and I was in total shock. He wants to remain friends, but I decided that I can not just be friends anymore, this was hard to do, but he broke my heart. Is this something that HE will regret, or I will regret?

---

Well he wanted to marry you and it seemed to him like you just wanted ot be friends, so when he was gone he found someone who said yes to marrying him. He might regret it, and you might regret it. It just depends.

Yes - he wanted to marry you. You didn't want to - he wanted to get married now. That's what happened here. Why didn't you want to marry some oyu have been with for 8 years? He's ready NOW. So of course he moved on.

I am sure he would still have married you - but, you still need to play your cards right AND decide to marry him.

But what would make him want to marry someone he only met a month ago? I did want to marry him, but I have a good head on my shoulders, and decided we should wait until he gets back from being overseas.

You know that's digusting... how do you want to marry someone after 4 weeks when you were with someone for 8 yrs... true he may have moved on if you rejected him because rejection hurts a man more than it hurts a woman but marriage?? what the heck... dont contact this guy but you know what you should do is if he does contact you is you should tell him how you feel and the reasons you told him no... I think he is not understanding and just feels like you don't want him.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lickemlolly

you know thats digusting...how do you want to marry someone after 4 wks when you were with someone for 8 yrs...true he may have moved on if you rejected him bc rejection hurts a man more than it hurts a woman but marriage???wtf...dont contact this guy but you know what you should do is if he does contact you is you should tell him how you feel and the reasons why you told him no...i think he is not understanding and just feels like you dont want him.

---

I did tell him how I felt. I know he understands. I just don't think talking to him anymore is not going to do anything, he is already set on getting married this weekend. Don't know if it will work out, if it does then I am happy for him, if it doesn't, well I hope he does not come back begging for me! Because I sure don't want to get hurt again. This girl does not know what she is getting herself into, this is a VERY unprectictable man!