Ask Me Help Desk - Lesbian or bi

hi I am 25, I don't know if I will call myself bi or lesbian. Still now I am wodering.I have sex before with a female (girl to girl) and I find it good, even there is no penetration I mean the real thing (penis) I feel satisfied.. I like the way she touched me because its so gentle but if I have sex with my boyfriend it is painful. I consider myself virgin because there's no penetration, we do oral sex but not returning the favor... sometimes I hate myself but I don't know why I feel like this...
I loved the girl because she's nice, she care for me a lot... I split up with my boyfriend but he don't know the real reason(girl)... is this consider a sin to my boyfriend and to god...

when I was a child I been abused with my father... but I tried to forgive him... many times...

It sounds as though maybe you are still having issues with the fact that your father abused you. I am not going to tell you how you should feel about having a relationship with a male or female. That is up to you to decide. I do feel like if you believe in God that no matter what you do you are a child of God and him/her understands that you have been abused and that you are confused . So honey do not feel guilty, because you are only seeking to be loved. I think that you should really get into a group or counseling that deals with your abuse issue. If you take care of your feelings, then maybe you can make a guilt free choice as to what you want. I wish you the best and I am sorry that your father did not behave like a loving father should have. Good luck and may you find peace in your life.

Drop the religious thing-it is just causing you stress and further guilt. You are still feeling abused and need to talk with a counsellor. If you are bi or les don't worry-if you are hetro good for you.

I think you need some support, sexually and psychologically-dropping your boyfriend, you may need to discuss it with him if you care, about your abuse issues it may help him to know th truth and you may find a greater sexual connection with him more than a woman if he understands you with this issue.

Best wishes.

Ask God. He knows the answer. He created you and knows you better than anyone. In the book of Matthew it states "Even the very hairs of your head are numbered." I too had a father who abused me and abandoned me. I went through the same thing that you're going through right now. What you do is your decision, but I know from my experience that my life changed, and I never knew real love until I found God. Good luck =o)

Quote:

Originally Posted by putimo

hi i am 25, i dont know if i will call myself bi or lesbian. still now i am wodering.i have sex before with a female (girl to girl) and i find it good, even there is no penetration i mean the real thing (penis) i feel satisfied.. i like the way she touched me coz its so gentle but if i have sex with my bf it is painful. i consider myself virgin because theres no penetration, we do oral sex but not returning the favor....sometimes i hate myself but i dont know why i feel like this......
i loved the girl because shes nice, she care for me alot.....i split up with my bf but he dont know the real reason(girl)....is this consider a sin to my bf and to god....

when i was a child i been abused with my father......but i tried to forgive him.... many times....

Your last sentence of your post pretty much says it all. The reason why you can not open up enough to a man, the reason why you feel more comfortable with a women is because of the way your father treated you and the abuse that happened. This of course has effected the choices in men, and also the intimacy. The pain that your feeling is truly the pain you feel and have from your experience with your father. Have you ever been to counseling about what has happened to you. I hope that you start the process of healing.

If I read it properly, this is an ex boyfriend now, right. Does your ex know of your experiences in the past? Whether it is a sin considered by your ex does not matter.

You need to ask yourself, ask God in prayer if what your experiencing is because of the past, is it something you will be able to work through? It seems to me that your more comfortable with women because of the treatment you got with your father, and until you clear up this issue and truly deal with it, no one will really know if you are one way or another or both. Just because you have had this experience I do not think this makes your gay.

There was this women I knew, she got raped and this tramatises different people in different ways, this person is now with another women as her partner and I think it stems from that experience.

I hope you work through this and get the additional help to get out all your thoughts and feelings and find out who your true person is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by putimo

hi i am 25, i dont know if i will call myself bi or lesbian. still now i am wodering.i have sex before with a female (girl to girl) and i find it good, even there is no penetration i mean the real thing (penis) i feel satisfied.. i like the way she touched me coz its so gentle but if i have sex with my bf it is painful. i consider myself virgin because theres no penetration, we do oral sex but not returning the favor....sometimes i hate myself but i dont know why i feel like this......
i loved the girl because shes nice, she care for me alot.....i split up with my bf but he dont know the real reason(girl)....is this consider a sin to my bf and to god....

when i was a child i been abused with my father......but i tried to forgive him.... many times....

NO I don't think that it is a sin. Just do whatever makes you happy, and if she makes you happy stay with her.