Myself and my husband are at a loss with our 13 year old daughter. She is always back answering and cheeky. She seems to have no respect for either of us talking to us like dirt at times. I have always ensured she can talk to me about anything which she often does. However I found out recently she had slept with a 17 year old (this was when she was stopping out at her friends house) which we feel like we can never let her stop out again and now have found cigarette ends in her room which she said were her friends. She has been in bother at school previously with her attitude however the teachers said this has greatly improved but the girls she hangs around with are constantly in trouble at school. I am a loss at how to get through this - I am aware it could get worse. I broke down today as I am so stressed out. Can any one give me any advice?

I have heard this so often, you are not alone. I don't have to worry about this, but some of my friends are. Worried to the point where they have enrolled one or two daughters in hard core boot camp to sort them out and it actually works !

First, get a full evaluation, both mental and physical, at a mental health facility near you, to make sure of the issues your dealing with, and work with them to address her needs, and as parents, go through her personel effects, and monitor her phone, computer, and belongings, so you know what's going on. Know her friends, and their phone numbers, and where they live, and you and her father stay united. Trust is earned and once lost, has to be regained. Good luck, teen-agers are a full time job with plenty of overtime.

Hello

13 going on 23 is a hard age for both boys and girls. Its even harder on the parents hehehe.

The first thing is her friends, at her age she is a leader or follower so find out who is pulling the strings. Make her bring home each friend so you can meet them and get all the info from them like name, age, phone number, parents. Next make sure your daughter doesn't have any classes with the bad friends. You can't tell a teen who they can see and not see but you can control their environment so the time spent with bad friends is short at best.

Once you slow down the outside problems dealing with the home problems is easy.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Yes real tough age, I do hope you called the police on the 17 year old, since 17 years old need to know they can't do this, ( it is rape no matter if the child said it was ok)

And yes, get the complete work up of her health. And get her into counseling if possible.

But in the end, you have to control her, limit her going anywhere not supervised by a parent, if she don't listen, ground her, limit her activiteis.

I have had a similar problem except it was with my step-sister. She wanted to run all of the time and my mom and step-father did not allow it. She began sneaking out at night to meet boys and her so called friends. (although she always talked behind their backs.) Anyway, I caught her one night sneaking out but she was not aware of it. I told my mom and the next day she confronted my step-sister. Eventually my parents sent her to get medical help where she was sent away from our home. I honestly couldn't say that I missed her. I was so fed up with all of the arguing and fighting that I was glad she was gone. Finally when she was home again things were okay for a while. But things went back to the way they used to be real soon. My mom said she was going to send her back and that night my step-sister ran away from home. We got the police involved to help us find her but they didn't help. The next day she was back. My mom told her that the police where coming for her to escort her back to the medical institution. She was furious. She went back to the institution but later we found out that she reported abuse. My mom lost her job and she was a very good child protection worker. I was so mad. My parents never laid a hand on her. It was her word against ours. The social workers that took our case never talked to me and I never got to tell my story. Now my family is living from paycheck to paycheck and we are barely making it. She is in a foster home and living just perfect because my step-father has to send child support to her even though he did not do anything. She gets money because she screamed abuse.

My advise to you is to trust only your insticts. Your daughter doesn't want your help if she did she would ask for it. There is really nothing you can do. I wish I could tell you otherwise. You should just let your daughter do what she is going to do and hope and pray that she will change her ways. It is a very difficult age and it is a stage that she is going through to try and fit in. Talk to her and listen to what she has to say. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. Be her friend and not her mother. Try to understand what she is going through.

The cheekyness is a teenage things but she doesn't seem to realise that most boys around that age are just wanting sex and nothing more. Smoking is probably peer pressure as you say her mates arnt the brightest either. You just need to sit with her and tell her that danger and all. If you don't shout, sound angery or like your threatening your more likely to get through... try to keep her away from the bad crowd but don't restrict her from all her friend cause that will make her hate you

I would be her warden... Her little $ss would be with me 24/7 . Friends would be allowed in my home and in my home only... and only the ones I approved of. She would wear watch and listen only what I approved of and if she did not like it, well tuff. If she got an attitude then tuff I would take it down to the bare bones... till she had nothing but a bare room. If that is what she wanted. Also like other posters said, boot camp is an option but I would be the boot camp. I would rather she be angry than to be dead from effects of cigs, drugs and aids. She has poor judgment and she would suffer the effects of it. Even if I had to quit my job and sleep in the same room with her at night and home school her, but I would be damned if she would get her way! Let her know in no uncertain terms that it will not get worse. Stick to it, never make empty threats follow through with what you say or she will never believe you mean business. My kids do not dare go there and I have a 13 year old daughter and 15 and 17 year old boys. They know I will go to extreme measures if needed. Life is not perfect in our home nor do I expect it. Extreme behaviors call for Extreme measures. :)