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Help!

3 yrs ago I met this guy and he just broke up with his girl (they were together for 3 yrs and he broke up with her for me) well we were fine for about 8 months. Then he went back to her because they were engaged before and were together so long he felt he should give her another chance. Well, recently (add another 3+yrs to their relationdship) we saw each other again. I left my child's father shortly before seeing him again and we got back together and again, he broke up with the same girl for me again. But now, 6 months later, he went back to her. I'm heartbroken but he loves her and will always have those feelings. But I feel like yo, you broke up for a reason, not just over me. Things got bad to the point where you wanted to be free. We had never argued, we were great together. But he loves her, not me. I feel so lost. Please give me some advice to get over the love of my life!

Forget him and move on, it may be that he will never have it quite right where she is concerned and his confusion is (unfortunately for you) because he has feelings for her. You can't let yourself get caught up in this.

You must try and move on and find a life without him, in time find someone new who can love you and only you.

It must be hard for you, I can appreciate that but moving on is the best way.

Thanks. He was my first love and I never felt the way I feel about him with anyone else, even with my child's father. I know I have to move on but a part of me wishes he'll someday show up and take me back. I miss him already and we broke up wed!

Quote:

Originally Posted by karma

thanks. he was my first love and i never felt the way i feel about him with anyone else, even with my child's father. i know i have to move on but a part of me wishes he'll someday show up and take me back. i miss him already and we broke up wed!!

I understand your pain, I really do but in time things will not seem quite so overwhelming and believe me when I say that time really does help heal this pain of loss. It really does take some time though and speaking personally, it took me at least 6 months before the healing was really quite evident. I made a choice to accept that my ex was gone and to take steps to move on with my life. It was very hard and a lot of work and grieving helped me through those dark days. That was over 9 months ago since my breakup and I do emphasise the quality of time and how it can work for you, not against you as long as you try your best to take positive rather than negative steps to help you to heal. Inevitably you will make some mistakes and take backward steps but things will change soon enough.

Some pointers in the right direction I have given to others in the past who were in a similar situation to and which helped me also are shown below.

He will likely be in your head 24-7 for quite some time to come. This is a huge loss for you! What you must do now to help yourself heal from this loss is to:

1.) Maintain NO CONTACT -- NO LETTERS, E-MAILS, PHONE CALLS, TEXTS, NOTHING!

2.) Keep yourself busy, go to the gym, take up an old hobby, spend time with friends and relatives, whatever.. Try to avoid alcohol where possible (it won't help)

3.)Try not to dwell on the past too much, focus on what you can do for yourself to improve you, as a person. Perhaps you have lost part of who you were before you met him. Try to establish what this was and get it back.

Try to accept that he is gone!

Whenever you need any advice or you are feeling down, come on here and talk, believe me these guys and gals offer great advice and they have helped me immensely and they will help you too!

I wish you well and hope that your healing starts soon!

Letting go is the hardest part but once you finally do it, the rest is simple.

I believe that true love lies with your ability to do this.

Hello.

It sounds like when reality of the relationship sets in he runs away. He dumps her to find excitement with you then when the lust is gone and reality sets in he jumps and goes back to her because she is letting him. What you both need to do is dump him and both of you find guys that will treat you like the special ladies you are.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Thanks Dennis. I think you're right. He needs to figure out what he wants and we aren't helping by letting him get his way. God, when you are in it, it's so hard to see the big picture. Please guys, keep them coming! I can feel the strength in me grow with every response. This helps so much more than I thought it would! Thank you all!

I think this will be a always be a problem, my ex usually break up maybe every 10 months with me this, is her sixth time. And it hurts like hell every break up. Take it from me do really want to be hurt over and over with same person. He's going to keep doing this. Find someone stable.

The others are so right Karma, the sooner you accept he is not going to be in your life, the sooner you can grasp the big picture, and move on with your life. As Geoff has so rightly pointed out the quality of the work you put in on yourself at this time is what will move you along to healthy place, so the decisions you make are reasonable, and you will clearly see this relationship was not healthy to begin with. To get healthy you must stop letting him go back and forth by leaving him alone and slowly building your life that makes you happy without him. Stay with it as time will allow you to better deal with the feelings you have. We all here have gone through the same funk as you are in and you can get over it as we all have. Stick around.

Thanks Talisman. You all are so right. I will get through this. It's hard but I'm not allowing myself to count the days until he might call. I will go on with my life, and be better and stronger for it. My mind's there, but it's my heart that I'm worried about. But, I have to be strong, take it a day at a time, then before I know it, it'll be months that I haven't thought of him. How I wish that day was here!

Quote:

Originally Posted by karma

It's hard but I'm not allowing myself to count the days til he might call.

I did this with every break up she did with me, 1st break up I tourcherd myself for 3 months, 2nd break up 2.5 months, 3rd maybe 2 months the other were weeks or a day. But my point is I did this to myself I couldn't eat lost a lot of weight. I was to the point were I had shakes all the time toward the end, then she would come back. DO NOT do this. That was my biggest mistake. I thank God I found this site because she was my first love and didn't know how to handle my emotions. Just be happy It's only been twice.

Hey karma everybody has given you great advise on this forum. I suggest now that it may be worth looking over past threads. From these you can see other peoples situations and their paths of healing and advise given to them.

In time you will feel better once more.

You deserve better. Really. Think about it. DO you want to be always waiting for him to leave you again for her? No way to live! Move on. FInd someone who will treasure you. I know easier said than done. Change your routines. Get a new job. Join a health club. Start going to church. Good Luck. Stay strong!

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words. I know I will get through this and everyday I get stronger.