When my 16 year old gets frustrated with me his mom or with anything really but mostly me , he takes it out on my toddler who is his stepbrother. What I mean is that he is mean to my 4 year old and makes him cry.. I guess just to get some kind of gratification from it . Of course I get very angry and I try to talk to my teen but he is just obnoxious . Then I raise my voice to try to get my teen to understand . The more I talk the more annoying comments and facial expressions I get from my teenager.
afterward my toddler is very sad , crying , cause he thinks his brother is mean to him and it is his (4year olds) fault. But I tell him that it is definitely nothing he ( my 4 year old did) and he seems to understand but I am sure he is confused. Also me raising my voice at my teen scares my 4 year old.
I am wondering should I just ignore my teen all together? When he gives me attitude?. or will that be like saying that I am OK with what he is doing ? I am just really concerned about my toddlers emotions. And I am very frustrated at the same time because it is hard for me to discipline him since he has his own mind . Not sure how to handle this.

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Originally Posted by misskobe

When my 16 year old gets frustrated with me his mom or with anything really but mostly me , he takes it out on my toddler who is his stepbrother. what i mean is that he is mean to my 4 year old and makes him cry .. i guess just to get some kind of gratification from it . of course I get very angry and i try to talk to my teen but he is just obnoxious . then I raise my voice to try to get my teen to understand . the more i talk the more annoying comments and facial expressions I get from my teenager.
afterward my toddler is very sad , crying , cause he thinks his brother is mean to him and it is his (4year olds) fault. but i tell him that it is definitely nothing he ( my 4 year old did) and he seems to understand but i am sure he is confused. also me raising my voice at my teen scares my 4 year old.
i am wondering should i just ignore my teen all together? when he gives me attitude?.. or will that be like saying that i am ok with what he is doing ? I am just really concerned about my toddlers emotions. and i am very frustrated at the same time because it is hard for me to discipline him since he has his own mind . not sure how to handle this.

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Girl Don't worry about it that how kids act the 16 year old is probably just a little jealous if the 16yr old was the only child for a while then he is not going to be use to all of the attention going toward the 4yr old one day take a trip out with just you and the 16yr old he will that time that they had to spend with you don't just do it once do it all the time then get both of them together sometimes and let them spend time together to they both will love it

Don't just let your teenager get away with everything if you do your just telling him that he has the authority to what he wants to do show some Discipline let him know who the boss is and tell him it hurt you more than it hurt him tell him that you are the mother and he is not runin nothing but his mouth!!

I agree with the above poster that you should spend some alone time with the 16 yr old. But when the 16 yr old starts in on your 4 yr old. There would be punishment... no discussion. He would get grounded and things taken way. We would sit down and I would let him know today that this behavior would not be tolerated any longer in our our home. Then I would follow through, when he kept running his mouth I would pick up the phone and call the police he would be warned that this would take place. And follow through, It may be hard to do but do not let him control your house . Good luck

It is so hard to tell not being there and seeing how much is being done.

16 year olds act like 4 years old most of the time, and often need to be treated as such. But often all of the fighting and what seems like hatred makes them the best of friends after a time. And is just how kids with that age difference acts.

On the other hand if it is really too much, then it is merely the lack of control of the 16 year old, so at some point, you take away their computer, their CD's their other music things, you ground them, and so on.

But it has to be "both" parents doing it and working together

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Originally Posted by misskobe

When my 16 year old gets frustrated with me his mom or with anything really but mostly me , he takes it out on my toddler who is his stepbrother. what i mean is that he is mean to my 4 year old and makes him cry .. i guess just to get some kind of gratification from it . of course I get very angry and i try to talk to my teen but he is just obnoxious . then I raise my voice to try to get my teen to understand . the more i talk the more annoying comments and facial expressions I get from my teenager.
afterward my toddler is very sad , crying , cause he thinks his brother is mean to him and it is his (4year olds) fault. but i tell him that it is definitely nothing he ( my 4 year old did) and he seems to understand but i am sure he is confused. also me raising my voice at my teen scares my 4 year old.
i am wondering should i just ignore my teen all together? when he gives me attitude?.. or will that be like saying that i am ok with what he is doing ? I am just really concerned about my toddlers emotions. and i am very frustrated at the same time because it is hard for me to discipline him since he has his own mind . not sure how to handle this.

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Hello darl I'm a teen and if I was you I would tell him stop being a prick or if not he can find some where else to go as your 4 yr old boy don't need it as he's a little tucker and he's so cute so yeah please get back to me and let me know what's going on take care darling talk soon

He knows he is in comntrol... I have 15 year old that likes to think the same way... and yes it is hard to put him in check. He works and buys some of his own things. But in this house mom and dad are in charge. Example: If you are told no video games and u think you are going to play them because you bought them, then they will be removed from your room taken to my room by me or locked in my trunk, same for cell phone, same for iPod, same for clothes... everything in life with the exception of basic food, medical care, exercise, and basic clothing, and a bed and shower is a privilege, If you want privileges while you are under my care until you are 18 then you must abide by my rules no tormenting and abusing anyone or anything in our home. Yes he tries us and he is put in his place time and time again... he has been grounded for 3 days. He wanted to run his mouth on everyone because he was unhappy that hew was grounded, we informed if that attitude did not change he would just get more days, he knew it would happen so he shut it up. In the past he would just keep running it and tormenting his person of choice for the day... usually his younger sister. But a few visits from the local police shut him up. We are not going to beat you but you are not going to abuse us either you will be removed from our home. Period, we all deserve to live safe and free from abuse and torment.

Thank God that I don't have any teenagers to deal with anymore!
I killed them!

Ok just kidding, but I know that feeling of wanting to sometimes. I wish I could give you some answers that will stop the insanity of a teenagers wrath but I just don't know. All I can tell you is to set rules. Make sure he knows those rules and the consequences of braking them. Be steadfast and unwavering in enforcing them. As hard as it is, try to listen to how he feels but let him know that when he raises his voice or becomes aggressive in his tone or words the conversation is over. I would suggest avoiding arguing with him. He just wants to bring you down to his level and see how far he can push you. I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but if at anytime you feel the 4 year old might be in any real danger because of the 16 year old... it's time to kick him to the curve. No ifs, ands, or buts about it!

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and I am very frustrated at the same time because it is hard for me to discipline him since he has his own mind . Not sure how to handle this.

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Granted they have their own minds, and can be frustrating most of the time, but you cannot let their own mind rule your house. Rules, and enforcement of those rules, is an absolute must, and if you think that's hard to do, just imagine the consequences of not doing it, and the problems that causes. They will run over you, and do as they please. Even though your teen buys his own stuff, in your house, you rule, and can take anything he owns, and lock it away no matter who bought it with whom evers money, until he bends to the rules, or gets out of your house. I suspect there is no father present, or he is not of any help, but discipline is absolutely the way to go, as he is ignoring you, and your authority. Stop excusing his bad behavior, and get in his A$$.

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it is very hard to take things away because it is hard to enforce. Most of the stuff he bought with his money and he just won't do it . I can't really twist his arm . He usually stops bad behavior when I tell him several times.

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I've raised teenagers male and female, and they worked, if they wanted to, but my rules all the time, its never a matter of, they "wont" do as I say, when I say... NEVER. But I started young, like when the could almost talk. If he can buy stuff, is he paying rent??

My 16-year-old slips once in a while, but knows better to try and use it all the time. I've unplugged and removed the computer; screen and all, for weeks. I've taken the sidekick away and whatever, it doesn't matter what he's purchased, he's still a minor under my roof. I've even used "military school" and his face dropped... sometimes you have to use extreme measures.

Your boy should understand that your little one has a young absorbent mind and his [16-y/o] behaving like a toddler around him isn't very admirable for a 16-year-old young man.

Good luck Kobe!

My son is pretty good , he just likes picking on the toddler. I am uspset because me yelling at my teen upsets my toddler not because it upsets my teen or me . :) my teen knows that after he is 18 , everything I do for him is doing him a favor so he knows to stop when I tell him( he is a teenager so it takes a few times) but he stops so I don't have to take things away from him.. . But like I said I don't like upsetting my toddler , but I think from all that I have read here the answer is yes continue to disapline my teen even though it may upset my toddler. I am sure my toddler understands to some degree. I didn't have siblings so I don't get the sibling rivalry people tell me about lol . Thanks for all the responses.

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yup he doesn't run the house that's for sure, but I don't like upsettin the toddler , I guess the answer is YES, correct and scold my teen even if it upsests my toddler.

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I think your toddler would rather be upset, using your words, than be picked on by his older sibling. To coddle the older child so not to upset, your younger one is not doing you any good either, as what does that teach your toddler. Your toddler sees his brothers' attitude and he to will mimic this behavior later. Your toddler is more resilient than you give him credit for, and learns faster than you think.

You said," my teen is just really annoying and acts dumb."

My son "turned" annoying and dumb around 13, he is 18 now and not as annoying and dumb as he once was. I would say you are the mother of a normal 16 year old boy. Lol

Well I think its about time he finds he's own joint then maybe your little one might feel more at home reply and let me know if everything is ok:confused:

I think he needs to know who is boss! No fiddling around. Take what he likes till he shows respect for the younger one. Cut and dry. No need to yell just go to his room take it all and start putting it back one by one with the good behavior!