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-   -   How to fan the flames for at least a few sparks (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=102686)

  • Jun 19, 2007, 07:19 PM
    angieleaf
    How to fan the flames for at least a few sparks
    Been in a relationship for, say, 3.5 years - cohabitation, marriage, baby, all on top of each other (but at least not at the same time). Plus several job/career changes for both.

    How do we keep it together? He's my best friend but he's drifting away. He spends his free time doing stuff, doing hobbies of every scope of imagination, while I lie in bed and read in the evenings. No social life to speak of, that went downhill after the wedding, at least for me.

    Sorry for such a downer post. But any clues to fan the flames are wekcome.:confused:
  • Jun 20, 2007, 01:47 AM
    Clough
    Just some suggestions. It's so easy for couples to get in a rut.

    Join a group or club together that involves something that the two of you like.

    Plan a trip together that doesn't involve the baby. Find someone to take care or the baby while you are gone.

    See what it is about the things that he likes to do concerning his hobbies and maybe become involved in them in a direct way, or find ways that could enable him to do them.

    Speak with him about the way that you a feeling. See what he would like to do.

    Go out and get a "makeover." See what he thinks.

    People are going to change. It is a part of life. Open dialogue with the other person is the most important thing that needs to happen.

    Just some ideas. Hopefully, others will be adding theirs.
  • Jun 20, 2007, 06:53 AM
    Dennis777
    Hello Angie.

    Your in the same boat most couples get into, the spark is gone and your drifting apart. The key is going to be getting the spark back and I mean the sexual spark, the spark that makes him want to be around you all the time.

    One trick that seems to work for almost everyone is the next time you go out to a movie, mall, dinner anything away from home for some time, Don't wear anything under your dress, don't let him know about it until your in the parking lot walking into the building. Whisper to him that you didn't wear anything just for him. Maybe flash him or let him feel your nakedness. Now that you have his attention you can keep it by reminding him as the trip goes on. Don't let him have you until you know he is about to explode. Many times wanting to stop at one last store on the way home is the breaking point and you never make it out of the car hehehe.

    If you have kids and have to take them along then use that. It makes the flirting more exciting knowing how much more forbidding it is. Just don't let the kids see your assets as your flashing him hehehe.

    If you want more ideas let me know.

    Good Luck
    Dennis777
  • Jan 13, 2008, 12:01 AM
    inspiredbylife
    For every thing that bothers you about your mate take a and write down something that brings a smile to your face about him. We so many times think or dwell on the not so happy thoughts. When your not in this mood you may ask him to set some time aside to talk about what he would like to see happen in your marriage as well as yourself. This gives him some time to think about it where we expect them to say it right then on the spot because we want it that way. I don't feel we can ever change another person but look at ourself first what do you need to do for you. What about your friends do you get away just to go to the library for a couple of hours time to rediscover you as a woman. Or any other place that may gave you time for you. We go in and out of phases in relationships and our families, enjoy and learn how to see this uncomfortable feeling being a sign to search for a balance your in need of. Calm your heart and you will see the source of the troubles more clearly. Inspiredbylife

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