Well Im going to start by saying this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I had been dating my boyfriend casually for 2 years and finally we became serious and exclusive for a year. We have had some ups and downs in our relationship but finally we decided we either needed to be together or stop talking completely. I was so happy in the relationship and I really thought we were going to stay together forever. One night I made a big mistake, after having way too much to drink I ended up still hanging out at our friends house while he went home. I don't really remember much of the night but I ended up hooking up with my friends friend who was up visiting. I knew I had done something bad but didn't really get all the details until I talked to my friends the next day. I thought it was best to keep this from my boyfriend until I knew how to tell him. He finally found out two months later because someone had mentioned something about it and he asked me and I finally broke down and told him the truth. He was also upset with my friends because they were his friends too and they kept this from him. He was embarrassed and his pride was hurt. I know I need to own up to mistakes and I can't blame it on alcohol but I didn't want to ever do what I did. So anyway... after we broke up we still talked and for the next 5 months after that we still hung out still did basically everything we did when we were together but we were not boyfriend girlfriend anymore.. I thought things would get better eventually but one day he was talking to me and said that he needed to go on a break or something. He said he never really had the chance to deal with this on his own since we never stopped talking even after we broke up . I have had to deal with so much these last five months but I can only imagine what is going through his head and how he is feeling. I have stayed and waited for him because I really do love him. Well my question is Am I a idiot for wanting to stay around and make things work? He says that he does not know if he can ever get past this and get over what I did but if there is still a chance that he might I want to take it because I want to be with him. He always brings up the incident when he is drunk and angry and I don't know if I can take it if he is always going to hold that over my head. I made a mistake and I have had to pay for it every day for the last couple of months. I haven't had the urge to go out and do anything and I have been there for him for everything.. I just can't see the end between him and me but I don't know if I'm wasting my time if he doesn't know when he can get past this?

I do understand that it was wrong and I regret it everday. I made a huge mistake and I never want to drink that much again to whre I don't have control and don't know what I'm doing. I want to gain his trust back so I don't do anything that would make him worry or think I'm doing something else. Ive been spending my time doing other things and working rather than going out and partying.. I ask for his forgiveness everday and I only hope that one day he will realize that he can't live without me and decide to give me another chance. Thanks for your thoughts it has given me good insight on the situation and I realize that I don't want to give up on him yet or on our realtonship and I will contine to fight for him.

Krystle, you two need to take a break, go to counseling (presumably this was a very serious relationship if you were together for 3 years). However, you do have to be prepared to never be with him again. It's rough, I did something VERY similar to you and I haven't spoken to that ex since it happened 3 years ago. It sucks but he didn't want anything to do with me after it happened.

I will say you've been doing a good job with disclosing your every move to him. That will help to regain his trust should he ever want to get back with you.

I think you should ask him face to face are the feelings still there and if he can't give you an answer you should move on... you tried for so long and if he doesn't want 2 see that then he doesn't want it 2 work out so then there's your answer.

We were only dating seriously for about a year but we have been just in like a open relationship before that... anyway though the thing with him... he just wants a break to try to handle things on his own but not necessarily wants to end things completely.. he tells me all the time that he still has feelings for me and cares about me its just hard to show it after what I did to him.. he definitely doesn't want me out of his life he wants to forgive me and he's trying to everday.. When we go on a break should I not talk to him at all? Should I give him those couple of weeks to just think about things? Or should I even see him at all
? I don't know what to do..

Let me also add that we are still in college I'm 21 and he's 23 were still young and have our whole life ahead of us but I really want to make it work with him because honestly there is no one else out there that I want

I would say take more than a couple of weeks... maybe 6 months. You should have a complete break (no phone calls/emails/texts/etc unless there is a specific purpose). Both of you need time to think about the situation, date others, etc. When you have the takin-a-break conversation, encourage him to date others and be sure that you both understand that what happens during the break is not the business of the other.

American... Why date others? Especially after being together and to know that there was someone else with them and not ever knowing what happened and how many people... Eww... If that's the case, just say good bye forever. It will not work after that happens... I say try staying busy and if you do meet someone else, don't let him know because he may want to come back. Find out if he is looking for someone.

There are 2 options I see here.

1. Move on and let him go. What you did really hurt the relationship. Its not something that can be fixed overnight. He has a right to be angry.

2. Work it out. Sure, its going to be hard. There is a trust issue that has to be worked out. He is going to be angry and yes he is probably going to remind you of how much it hurt. But if you really think he is the one... get some counseling together. Work it out. Be trustworthy. It may not work out but you can try.

Actually a counselor can help.. It's not a bad thing. I think you both should go together... I think the counselor will help him get over it and you too which can be great. Talk to him about it. If not then I think you can do it too. I'm sure you've told him how sorry you are and that you weren't all there because you drank too much. Tell him you won't drink anymore if he is not around (and keep your word!). Tell him that when he is ready that you will make sure not to make the same mistake again.

I encouraged dating others because a break isn't a break if you keep talking and don't branch out. This is a HUGE problem in the relationship that will take more than a few weeks to think over. Taking a larger amount of time and dating others will help them to understand not only what they mean to each other, it will help them figure out if the relationship is even worth salvaging. This is a 3 year relationship so what is 3-6 months off?

The break will cause more problems. They may return and the thoughts of them with another will be greater problems! Not a good idea especially if they really love each other!

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Originally Posted by americangayboy

I encouraged dating others because a break isn't a break if you keep talking and don't branch out. This is a HUGE problem in the relationship that will take more than a few weeks to think over. Taking a larger amount of time and dating others will help them to understand not only what they mean to eachother, it will help them figure out if the relationship is even worth salvaging. This is a 3 year relationship so what is 3-6 months off?

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Sorry but I can't agree with you on this. He has fears and trust issues about this relationship. If they intend to work this out why would she date anyone else. Its just going to bring more drama and cause him to pull away. This will just confirm his fears about her cheating and prove to him that she wasn't serious about the relationship.

Exactly Sdjosh!

It'd probably be wise for the both of you to take a break for a while. Let him sort out his feelings and decide for himself how he's going to cope with this from his end of it. As for you, you can best show him that you regret what you did by not repeating your actions. Control your drinking and your impulses. When he sees you doing that he may be convinced that he can trust you again. Of course, if he absolutely refuses, despite your best intentions, then you may have to resign yourself to the fact that the relationship is over and you need to move on.

I'm not so sure that it will. They've been broken up for a while and are just now deciding to take a break... what they need is space and new prospects. They are codependant and really need to see what else is out there. How can they work out their relationship if they are still attached at the hip? They shouldn't discuss their dating with each other, but I think it would be good to do it since they are supposedly not together.

Leave him alone to sort out his feelings, but you both share the blame, because what real man leaves his drunk partner at the mercy of others to begin with. Think about it before you bear all the guilt, and bend over backwards to kiss his butt. You have apologized, has he.