My 14 year old son and I relocated to Arizona from Oregon so I could further my Education in healthcare on location for 16 weeks. Because it was taking time to find a home I allowed my son to finish the school year at my adult daughters home in New Mexico. The agreement was I would pick him up when school got out May 25, 2007. Without my permission my daughter purchased an airline ticket for my son to fly home in Oregon to visit family and friends the day school was out. I was informed after the fact. So then the new plan was I would pick my son up when he returned on the 19 of June 2007. Now I am informed again that he will not be returning on that date because his Grandfather Ortiz has just passed away. His father whom has been living in the Virgin Islands for the past seven years, owes State of Oregon child support is allowing our son to make all the calls on where he now wants to live. Our son tells me he does not want to come home to me because I have re married. I have held full time employment medical,dental and vision care for our son since his birth. My trainning is complete here in Arizona and I plan to relocate back home to Oregon once I have an acceptable employment offer or I may return before that as I am very home sick and now heart sick that my son is being allowed or he thinks he is being allowed to choose where he wants to be. What would be my legal rights at this point? What would be the first step to take? Inform the State that this deadbeat father is allowing our son to calls the shots on where he chooses to be?Please advice. Thank you, Kathleen Lundquist

No, it is you that is allowing your ex to do what he wants, and that is allowing a 14 year old to do what he wants.

Of course he can not, you merely demand that the child be returned or you will file criminal charges against the father for interfering with custody. Or just report him, and report it to the police to have the child returned.

Child has not rights to decide anything, you are allowing it by not demanding him back and pressing criminal charges.

Your ex is not the custodial parent, therefore he is lying to your son by letting him think it is up to him. My advise is if you really want your son to come home to you, talk to him. When I was 17 my mom remarried and I moved out several months before she did, in fact I moved out the day she told me she was engaged. Rather than fighting me on it like most parents would, though she wanted me to come hoem, she wanted me to be happy. About a year after her wedding, I moved in with her and her husband for a few months before movng back out right before I finished high school. It all boils down to this. You want to live with your son (NOTHING wrong with that at all!) but you also want him to be happy. So talk to him. Tell him you will willing compromise too. This is something I totally understand from the child's point of view so I hope that at least from that stand, I can give you some perspective.