I'm finding it very hard to deal with a recent split.
We were seeing each other for just over a year and things were wonderful. We even had a plan of getting a house and married etc. We moved to another part of the country to setup home as house prices were cheaper in that part of the country. For the first 2months it was wonderful
It all started going wrong when she wanted to fulfil a fantasy. To be with two guys.
I didn't have a problem with this as I have been swinging as the extra person with couples in the distant past... so I didn't have any sexuality problems on this. She wanted to ‘like’ the guy for something like that to happen
After a big let down when we tried it out, she continued seeing the guy under the pretence that they were just friends and I could do nothing about it. It carried on for three weeks and she fell in love with the guy. Even after me having a nervous breakdown and to have her the next day look me in the eye and say nothing was going on.
One week later she tried to break up with me nicely. Saying the classic line of “I love you but I’m not in love with you” I thought this was genuine but its because of money I owe her.
Its been 5 weeks, she is getting on with life with her new guy, I have nothing, only a car that I owe her money for and she is bugging me for it even though once I get another job I will need it. We have no written contract and I’ve been tempted over the last couple of weeks not to give her the money back but it will end up making me an arsehole now that leads me to the crux.
I used to love her and we shared a lot of good times but now I have nothing left but hate. I have a 16 page letter to send her but can't bring myself to send it. In addition I have enough to ruin her, the new boyfriend and most of her friendships... its just a question of waiting for the right moment. It could end up being very messy for them.
Before any of you guys suggest I get another date... nope. I have very low self esteem, I'm not ready and I wouldn't want to burden myself on another woman as I'll probably end up getting hurt again. In fact I hate everything about the world and me as I feel shortchanged every step of the way. I've not been bad to anyone or done bad things and my faith in humanity is almost gone.
I've never done the revenge thing before and I don't know where it will take me. Iknow that if I cross that line I may end up doing a lot worse things to people but I can't help feeling that this is/was because I'm too trusting and caring.
All I want to do is forget about her and what happened but doing that is so difficult as I no longer have any desire to do any interests, friends are far away and I can’t even get absorbed by my work as I don’t have a job even though I'm trying... it seems things aren't worth doing anymore
Any advice
M