Ask Me Help Desk - When is it too late?

Ok, I have been on and off with my friend for over a year. From the start to now, he's definitely become my best friend. So, I've been "friends" and "more than friends" with my best friend for over a year. During April or May we were back to "more" and were doing great, on the verge of going out. As I was waiting for him to ask me out, he was dwelling on the fact that I'm going away for college. So, no relationship. I didn't like the idea but understood where he was coming from. Starting a relationship would kill us for when I had to leave and bla bla bla.. I knew it but didn't want to accept it. So- no relationship. As I had to accept it, I didn't want to. So that made me want him for me even more. He started seeing this other girl, I played the best friend role. I did not want to accept that we were done. So, I hooked up with other people to tryy to get over him/because I missed the affection. He came back, after so many on-and-offs, yes-and-no's. I was happy because I believed I loved him. Of course I did, he's my one and only. The kid I wanted to spend my entire summer with and even attempt a long distance relationship with. But why now that I have him, don't I want him so bad? Should I put those feelings aside and just take advantage of having him or should I take these feelings as a signal and break whatever we are or have off and do whatever I want this summer? I love him, but I don't think I'm in love with him. Two very different things. I think because he somewhat kept me on a string for awhile, he wanted me too late or later than I wanted him to take advantage of me (not in the sexual way) and now my feelings have faded a bit.

Ok well the only thing I can say is why be with someone you don't want to be with, if he was the one for you then you would be happy and trying to keep him in your life.

I think it's a strong case of wanting what you can't have, almost like an obsession but then when you got him you realised he wasn't the guy you thought he was, maybe you imagined him in your mind for so long that the real guy just couldn't live up to it.

My advice, have a talk with him and let him know how you feel, see how he feels and then make a decision then.

Have you ever stopped and thought to yourself... "Is this making me happier or is it making me more sad"? Based on that alone, things should be more clear. I'm sure the whole college thing has taken its toll on the both of you, so it's not like anybody did anybody wrong. This makes this decision that much harder. Since you both have already spoken to each other and came to some common ground (continuing the summer together), I don't see why that would be such a bad idea. You are mature enough to acknowledge the fact that it will end by the end of the summer. As long as you are mentally prepared, I say go for it, but be careful. Sometimes in life there are no right or wrong answers, especially in this case. I actually think it's better for you that some of the feelings have faded because the attachment will not affect you as much in the end. You will be able to maintain a healthy mind set and see things in a heightened perspective, which does not harm you at all. Honestly breaking things off will always have you in a
"what if" mind set. If he took the risk and finally said yes, then take the risk together. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work, but if it does, wouldn't you be glad you took the risk? Good luck!

So you're getting mixed feelings... the spark that you felt for him went away as there were too many offs and ons... and guess what... spark is not something that comes on its own... it's quite a mental thing... so if you feel u do not have those kind of feelings right now... take it easy as a friend and need not analyse too much. Go with the flow of any bond... if it develops well and good, if not... forget about it...

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Dying2know, Ok, I have been on and off with my friend for over a year. From the start to now, he's definitely become my best friend. So, I've been "friends" and "more than friends" with my best friend for over a year.

Make up to break up is a confusing game to play. Mixed up feeling with you or he wanting more, but don't know how to get it. Not healthy.

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During April or May we were back to "more" and were doing great, on the verge of going out.

You thought you were more, but did he?????? No communications, again, not healthy.

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As I was waiting for him to ask me out, he was dwelling on the fact that I'm going away for college. So, no relationship.

You are not on the same page as he was.

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I didn't like the idea but understood where he was coming from. Starting a relationship would kill us for when I had to leave and bla bla bla.. I knew it but didn't want to accept it. So- no relationship.

You should of left each other alone then, if you really understood. You didn't

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As I had to accept it, I didn't want to.

And you didn't, you still wanted more.

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So that made me want him for me even more.

Of course it did, always does when you wanted more.

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He started seeing this other girl, I played the best friend role.

Even with the feelings of wanting more, you accepted less.

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I did not want to accept that we were done. So, I hooked up with other people to tryy to get over him/because I missed the affection.

Didn't work worth a darn, and never does.

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He came back, after so many on-and-offs, yes-and-no's. I was happy because I believed I loved him.

Here we go back to the make up to break up stuff.

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Of course I did, he's my one and only. The kid I wanted to spend my entire summer with and even attempt a long distance relationship with. But why now that I have him, don't I want him so bad?

You didn't love him you just wanted him for more. It was about him being your comfort zone more than the person.

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Should I put those feelings aside and just take advantage of having him or should I take these feelings as a signal and break whatever we are or have off and do whatever I want this summer?

Its pretty selfish to play him for what you want, after all you went thru to get back together only to realise after getting him back, that's not what you want in the first place.

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I love him, but I don't think I'm in love with him. Two very different things. I think because he somewhat kept me on a string for awhile, he wanted me too late or later than I wanted him to take advantage of me (not in the sexual way) and now my feelings have faded a bit.

More selfish game playing on your part. Now you want to shift the blame on him, even though you are as much to blame for this mess as he is. Maybe more so since you both have no communication and used each other to hide your true feeling of inadequacy and insecurity, and add the lack of communications, what a disaster, and waste of time this is. Had you been honest with each other you would have given yourselves time to examine your true feelings for each other and taken the right steps to have a healthy relationship, and not this manipulating each other to have more, when its convenient. You should both stay together, and get some maturity, and find out what an honest caring relationship is with no games. If you split now you would probably ruin the feelings of whomever else you deal with, as neither of you knows what you want, or what a healthy love is about. You both should be single for a while. Your probably not bad people, but just don't know what you want in life yet.