Ask Me Help Desk - Flood her with kindness?

I got engaged a few weeks ago and I'm really excited! Unfortunately my fiance's sister has a problem with me and I am not quite sure how to handle the situation...

See, we used to be friends, but now I can tell she is purposely trying to be rude to me. She won't come straight out and say rude things, but she completely ignores me and shows intense amounts of favoritism to her other brother's girlfriend whom she used to have a problem with. It's really confusing me, because I am SO nice to her... I think she knows it bothers me too..

She is the only daughter in their family and their mom passed away 2 years ago... she rejected the woman that her father tried dating and made them stop dating and now I feel like she might try and do the same thing to me. What should I do? Should I confront her or be the bigger person and just flood her with kindness? Ahh, I hate drama.

Well, I think you should be nice to her - but I think that you should also sit down and talk to her. Not argue with her - but talk. Tell her that you feel some tension and wanted to know if there was something going on. Ask her what you did to make her upset (whether you think you did or not) Letting things go or not talking about them allows feelings like this to fester. And it sounds like people have tiptoed around this girl because she lost her mom and she's the only girl - it is sad - but that doesn't give her the right to ruin other peoples relationships. So, TALK TO HER - get it out on the table.
Relationships are all about communication. And, this person is going to be in your life, your kid's life and you want to make it pleasant.

Definitely confront her, you need to find out why she's being like this to you!

Don't be nasty about it, just sit her down and tell her how you're feeling, and that you want to know how she's feeling about the situation!

I agree to sit down and talk but in the case of my brothers fiancé that did not change anything. If being adult does not work, you have tried nice, rude just won't cut it, I would try condecending, patronising over the top, sickly sweet and purposely make conversation for your own amusement. Now I always look like the good guy (but I do think being polite is important) because I always put the effort in and I enjoy making her answer me!

I think you should ask your fiancé to confront his sister about her behavior. Obviously she is protective of him, and if you confront her it could stir up more trouble, which you don't want. Explain to him how her actions are hurting you and ask him if he will sit down with her and see what the problem is. Perhaps if he explains to her how much he loves and values you, she will come around.

Whatever you do, don't stoop to her level and be nasty. Consider yourself above that. Continue to be nice to her when it is a must, but don't push it. If she wants nothing to do with you, you might have to deal with that. There's no reason to not be civil to her, it might cause other family members to resent you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpottieOttie33

i got engaged a few weeks ago and i'm really excited! unfortunately my fiance's sister has a problem with me and i am not quite sure how to handle the situation...

see, we used to be friends, but now i can tell she is purposely trying to be rude to me. she won't come straight out and say rude things, but she completely ignores me and shows intense amounts of favoritism to her other brother's girlfriend whom she used to have a problem with. it's really confusing me, because i am SO nice to her....i think she knows it bothers me too..

she is the only daughter in their family and their mom passed away 2 years ago... she rejected the woman that her father tried dating and made them stop dating and now i feel like she might try and do the same thing to me. what should i do? should i confront her or be the bigger person and just flood her with kindness? ahh, i hate drama.

Forget the kindness. Just ignore her . You are marrying her brother , so she must be insane . You are going to be a part of her life but she doesn't have to really be a part of yours. If she has a problem let her deal with it . I am sure she will be nice to you once she realizes that she has gone to far and you are not letting her attitude bother you . And even if she doesn't t who cares. When I said ignore her I mean if she is rude don't be like... " is everything allright ??" or "you look nice today .." just look the other way and act like you don't care . That is the best thing to do. If you do talk to her , be polite but keep it short as well . Enjoy your time with your soon to be husband and don't let him get in the middle of it . It is his sister;s problem . Not yours or your future husbands. Also just say nice things about her to your man . That is the best thing to do . Take the higher ground sort of speak .