I live in Alabama and have a 4 month old son. My husband and I are getting a divorce, in fact I just signed the papers last week. The problem is that now he is telling me that he will offer no support of any kind until the papers are filed and it is court ordered. He is still paying off his lawyer, who will not file the papers until she is paid in full (which could be another couple months) then there is the whole court waiting process. Is there anything I can do now to get him to help support our son? It costs $140.00 a week just for his Child Care and that does not include the food or clothing an infant needs. Am I on my own for the next 4 or so months?

Go to the child enforcement and file papers for him to pay you support, also you may look into asking for custody of your son... custody has to be ordered for your son, before either one of you can legally claim him... right now custody is fifty fifty.. this means he has as much rights to your son as you have and also can take him anytime, anywhere in the world that he wants to and keep him as long as he wants and the cops or judges will not make him return him to you, but by the same token you could do the same. I would not wait for his lawyer to make decesions for my child I would go before a judge asap, also he does not sound as though he has your sons best interest at heart by with holding support. Good luck :)

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Originally Posted by shell336

I live in Alabama and have a 4 month old son. My husband and I are getting a divorce, in fact I just signed the papers last week. The problem is that now he is telling me that he will offer no support of any kind until the papers are filed and it is court ordered. ... Am I on my own for the next 4 or so months?

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Where is your lawyer in this? Your attorney should be advising you about how to get support. You should be able to petition the court to order support payments pending the divorce decree.

Your attorney should be able to file for a temporary order of support, but if you win, normally it will go back to the time you separated, but it will be up to the judges ruling.

But if he does not want to pay, even with court orders you are going to have to fight , take him back to court a lot and so on.

You should be able to get an interim order for support and custody issues during divorce proceedings.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Where is your lawyer in this? Your attorney should be advising you about how to get support. You should be able to petition the court to order support payments pending the divorce decree.

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I have not been able to find a lawyer that I can afford. I have an older child that I also have to take care of and the 10 different lawyers that I went to talk to all wanted $1500 to $2000 up front. I found one that would take $750 and let me make payments on the remaining $750, but I do not have that kind of money nor anywhere to borrow that kind of money. I called legal aid in my state and left a message. I called everyday for two weeks trying to get to the intake woman. Her receptionist finally got very ugly with me and told me that my call would be returned and to stop calling. That was a month ago and my call has still not been returned. My soon to be ex has no other financial obligations so he can afford to pay $500 up front and make payments every week, but he is intentionally trying to drag this out as long as possible, so that he can watch me flounder to get enough money to feed the boys. I have asked everyone I know if they have attorney friends that might help me and let me make payments or even take it out of the child support I will get. No one has been able to find anyone for me as yet. To make matters worse, he calls me on an average of 30 times a day to scream and cuss me for what ever is on his mind at the time. If I stop taking the calls, then he says I am denying him to ask about his son and he will use that against me in court. I am under siege and about at my wits end. I stay a nervous wreck because I have no idea what is coming next. I have tried to file a restraining order based off about 45 nasty voice mails that I got off my cell phone and work phone on to a disk as proof of his harassment, but I am even getting the run around on that issue. I spent two hours today alone going from courthouse to courthouse in my city trying to find someone to file an order to make the calls stop just to be told they would only do that if I would sign a warrant today for his arrest. Well, if I do that then he will get fired and I will lose any chance of getting child support. This is all very frustrating.

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Originally Posted by bushg

Go to the child enforcement and file papers for him to pay you support, also you may look into asking for custody of your son...custody has to be ordered for your son, before either one of you can legally claim him...right now custody is fifty fifty..this means he has as much rights to your son as you have and also can take him anytime, anywhere in the world that he wants to and keep him as long as he wants and the cops or judges will not make him return him to you, but by the same token you could do the same. I would not wait for his lawyer to make decesions for my child I would go before a judge asap, also he does not sound as though he has your sons best interest at heart by with holding support. good luck :)

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He has already tried to keep him from me but he ended up giving him back after 24 hours because James is a very fussy baby and my soon to be ex could not handle him. Please read my reply to Scott Gem's question about an attorney and that might help explain more where I am right now and why I feel I cannot do anything.

Thanks

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Originally Posted by bushg

Go to the child enforcement and file papers for him to pay you support, also you may look into asking for custody of your son...custody has to be ordered for your son, before either one of you can legally claim him...right now custody is fifty fifty..this means he has as much rights to your son as you have and also can take him anytime, anywhere in the world that he wants to and keep him as long as he wants and the cops or judges will not make him return him to you, but by the same token you could do the same. I would not wait for his lawyer to make decesions for my child I would go before a judge asap, also he does not sound as though he has your sons best interest at heart by with holding support. good luck :)

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I been been trying all week to get in touch with the DHR office in my county that handles these issues. I have sent an e-mail and left a voice mail on the automated system that answers the phone, but I have yet to get a return phone call or e-mail from them. I have printed off the papers from their website and have them filled out ready and waiting for someone to tell me when and where to take them. Also read my reply to scottgem's question to further see the efforts I have made to get help.

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Originally Posted by shell336

I been been trying all week to get in touch with the DHR office in my county that handles these issues. I have sent an e-mail and left a voice mail on the automated system that answers the phone, but I have yet to get a return phone call or e-mail from them. I have printed off the papers from their website and have them filled out ready and waiting for someone to tell me when and where to take them. Also read my reply to scottgem's question to further see the efforts i have made to get help.

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Shell he is very selfish and I am sorry for you and your children. Try and get involved with a domestic abuse group, you would not believe the resources that they have, and yes he has been abusing you and your children, I would forget the lawyers if he wants a divorce let his A$$ pay for it, as for the custody of the children you should able to file the papers yourself, but apparently the softy can't handle them but you never know how far an angry man will go to get back at you! Go to human services show up on their doorstep and ask for help, if your are in need and have no money then they will have to get you assistance in 24 hours. Do not let the court and human services get to you also human services will take his a$$ to court for you, because they will want to recoup the money that they give you. Give these things a try and let us know how your doing. Also if you have recordings of his rants keep them you may need them for custody and the domestic abuse group may love to hear them. :) I would not ask him for money again nor would I talk to him about getting a divorce. Do not try to reason with him as you have already seen it will not work. Just get your custody resloved as quickly as possible and get some help from the state. After you get the custody issue settled ( that is the most important issue you have ) then you can work on getting child support.

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Originally Posted by bushg

Shell he is very selfish and I am sorry for you and your children. Try and get involved with a domestic abuse group, you would not believe the resources that they have, and yes he has been abusing you and your children, I would forget the lawyers if he wants a divorce let his A$$ pay for it, as for the custody of the children you should able to file the papers yourself, but apparently the softy can't handle them but you never know how far an angry man will go to get back at you! Go to human services show up on their doorstep and ask for help, if your are in need and have no money then they will have to get you assistance in 24 hours. do not let the court and human services get to you also human services will take his a$$ to court for you, because they will want to recoup the money that they give you. Give these things a try and let us know how your doing. also if you have recordings of his rants keep them you may need them for custody and the domestic abuse group may love to hear them. :) I would not ask him for money again nor would I talk to him about getting a divorce. Do not try to reason with him as you have already seen it will not work. just get your custody resloved as quickly as possible and get some help from the state. after you get the custody issue settled ( that is the most important issue you have ) then you can work on getting child support.

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Thank you so much! I have been through a living nightmare the last month of my life. I guess I never really considered it abuse because he had not hit me, but I googled for domestic violence help in my area and found the YWCA and according to their web site, what he is doing is one of the worst forms of abuse. I called their 24 hour crisis line and spoke to a very nice lady who gave me the number to their court advocacy program and said she would also send a message to them to call me ASAP and I have to call them first thing in the morning. She could not really tell me what they could or would do for me but she did say that this is what they do. They know how to get the system to work! I am so hoping that you gave me the key to end this nightmare by your suggestion of looking for a domestic abuse group! I will keep you all posted on how things work out.

I'm glad you made some headway with the excellent suggestion bushg gave.

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Originally Posted by shell336

Thank you so much!! I have been through a living nightmare the last month of my life. I guess I never really considered it abuse because he had not hit me, but I googled for domestic violence help in my area and found the YWCA and according to their web site, what he is doing is one of the worst forms of abuse. I called their 24 hour crisis line and spoke to a very nice lady who gave me the number to their court advocacy program and said she would also send a message to them to call me ASAP and I have to call them first thing in the morning. She could not really tell me what they could or would do for me but she did say that this is what they do. They know how to get the system to work!! I am so hoping that you gave me the key to end this nightmare by your suggestion of looking for a domestic abuse group!! I will keep you all posted on how things work out.

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Shell spill your guts to them I don't care how minute it seems , if you ever felt like he was going to hit you, if he balled up his fist, if he shoved you or grabbed you, or even if he talked about striking you, if he coerced you into sex, or even badgering you, threathening to keep your kids, or withholding money, keeping you from family, and friends, keeping your car keys, holding the door to prevent you from leaving, pulling your hair, throwing things at you, all of this is abuse and I would bet if you sat down took a moment and thought about it you will find many instance of him doing these thing, do not be ashamed tell them everything, they will understand. On the rare chance that they can't help you I urge you to file the custody papers yourself it may cost you a $100.00 (I don't think it cost that much). Btw I hope this group will rock his socks. I love to see men like him put in there place. Don't give up, your children depend on you. :) peace