Me and boyfriend broke up 3 weeks ago.. we had a perfect relationship but initially his best friend had hit on me behind his back, I told him and one year and a half later he feels he can't be in relationship as feels he can't be with me and keep his friends as to difficult for him as would mean losing his whole social life.

We lived together, and broke up very amicably, though incredibly painful for me and desperate to get back together.

Any how have spent time apart and tomorrow he goes back home... am going to do no contact at all in the hope it works. However his birthday is in a week and because we ended on good, friendly terms I feel it would be rude if I ignore occasion and would show I harbour bad feelings I think

Was thinking of sending mobile text message on the day?? Should I or shouldn't I?

And what else can I do (apart from do nothing and let him go) to get him back?

A personal birthday card!

Yes, a birthday card, let him know how you feel, say the things you want to, and say goodbye.

Let that be your last contact with him, give yourself time to heal. If he doesn't want to be with you then he won't come back. And if he did? Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in the relationship? I wouldn't..

Good luck.

No not a birthday card as thought that would be too personal.. but a message from my mobile/cell phone to his saying something simple like 'Happy Birthday hope you have a great day etc'

Is this OK, or should I just ignore the event and him entirely??

I really wish we could get back together and am trying to accept we won't but still hope and that's why trying not to mess up and need to know if should contact him to wish him a happy birthday or not.

Thanks... please give advice!

That's why I suggest the birthday card. Writing your feelings down can help immensely. Just do it, and if you don't want to send it at the end? Then don't. But the process of writing it down I think you will find very useful.

I still think sending him a card to say goodbye is a good idea.

From your other posts, I would say do not contact him at all. I understand that you still hold out hope, but he made the decision to be with friends instead of you, and even though you had an amicable break up, your still emotionally attached. Leave this alone, and heal from this break would be my advice. Sorry I know you want to, but I don't think you should give yourself any false hopes he has changed his mind about this relationship..

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I understand that you still hold out hope, but he made the decision to be with friends instead of you...

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It's this part that makes me wonder: is that really the reason he broke up with you? It's pretty implausible. I am sure you've heard the saying, "Bros before hos," but in practice I've never known a guy to abandon a girl for his buddies--it just doesn't happen. I've observed this from my friends more times than I care to remember.

My guess is he just wanted out of the relationship and this is the excuse he chose. You're probably not going to get him back without knowing the real reason you broke up.

For his birthday, you should just give him a brief call, or a text.

She was in much deeper, than he was.

Hey,

So guys would really like your opinion.

Yesterday I read a link connected to another thread how doing absolute NC is not necesasrily the right thing as still shows your ex you are bothered and upset that you have to avoid them... thinking along those lines I decided to text my ex yesterday as it was his birthday (not because I wanted to break NC but thought it would make me look I'm OK with everything - THOUGH I AM NOT! )

Anyhows sent a simply light text saying happy birthday, he replied straight away saying thanks, asking how I am in my new job and to send him photos of me at it- replied saying all OK, getting on fine but didn't ask about him - then he replied he was really happy for me and that's it I didn't send back.

At first felt really good - couldn't believe how happy I felt hearing from him like that as expected him to be more cold and thought based on the idea that strict NC makes you look defensive it made me look good.

However in the evening was home alone and cleared more of his stuff, I found an old sim card of his - tempation struck me and put it in phone and found text messages from an ex he was dating before me whilst they were together - it totally crushed me - the thought of him loving other girls and knowing he will have a new one and girls throwing themselves at him (he is very popular and good looking) really really hurt and devastated me.

So guys I guess you will all tell me I shouldn't have sent the message in the first place (or checked out messages from his ex)- but part of me says I did the right thing not to show sour grapes - equally I think I should have ignored him to drive the point home with him as now he won't be missing me

Am feeling so down today, and my chest hurts so much with pain.

Please can I have your advice and opinions as trying to figure all this on my own is driving me nuts.

Ah, the games we play with our own mind. Since you have no way of knowing how another feels, we tend to fill in the blanks, and that's when all the fears and insecurities creep into the equation. This is normal and common when going through grief, and our emotions are still very raw and fresh. Let me clear something up about no contact. It is not to make you look good to the ex, or make them miss you. Its not about them at all. Its about you getting healthy and avoiding confusion , to heal and learn to handle your own emotions, and see things clearly. When you get healthy you can make better decisions about everything, and are no longer a prisoner of your own feelings. A common thing among those that break no contact, is a great feeling to be in contact again, giving rise to false hope of reconciliation, and also confusion, when you realize that you have made no progress and must start all over again. No contact stays in place until you have healed enough to deal with the feelings and emotions of a break up, and can accept it being over, and are ready and able to move on. Its about your own health and getting a life that you enjoy with out them. Anytime you find yourself dwelling on the past, get busy doing something positive and focus on it. Never worry about what another thinks because you can never know. In time, by doing the right things to heal, it gets better. Do this for yourself, not him.

Hey thanks Tal

Its just so confusing at times.. I have no intention of contacting him every again.. literally.. if he wants me he can come and get me (initally he spent two months chasing after me for a date) and if he doesn't the best thing I can do is not be in contact as its so painful otherwise- ignorance is bliss - I am still dreading the moment I go home and bump into his friends and him which is inevitable in my situation.

I have one small problem - in clearing his stuff I found original certificates of his university qualifications - he can't have realised he forgot them and they are too important to throw away so I didn't (no point in being mean!). However at first thought of sending them to him, but now am not - if he remembers he can contact me and ask if I kept them and if he doesn't well that's his problem, I can't be his carer now we are not together.

Is this the right thing?. I didn't throw them out as I know how imposible it is to get education certificates again but equally I would feel a loser by contacting him to send them and it will resurface how hard this is for me.

Advise please!!

If you keep them they will just remind you of him, just make sure you have all his stuff and get them to him. Then you can be rid of him.

You can send his stuff to him without contact, and that will be the thing to do. You don't even need a note to explain. The sooner the better.

I agree, I did the same thing wanting to get info on ex, breaking NC. It don't work, trust me. It only brings you backwards. She playing head games with me again, but I am now emotionally healty that she doesn't bother me. That's because I let go. Once you let go it gets so easy to forget them. And trust me on this I did not think this day would ever come.