Ask Me Help Desk - Just have a little bit of hope left

I've been struggling with my girlfriend or x girlfriend... for almost 7 month now... she's in a phase in her life which I believe everyone goes through... "attention" she gets so much attention from everyone something she has'nt gotten for over 3 years... and now she has forgotten about me and who I am... I know I tried my best... and I know I should listen to everyone... but just some more thoughts... should I actually give up? let go... even though I have some hope left... I'm giving NC her space what she wanted and prob needed for the longest time... its hard but I'm giving it to her... I'm also keeping busy... getting my mind off her... but... should I still have some hope I just know when she relises what she had done... with me one day.. after she gets thrown around... she will realises what type of friend.. and BF I was for her.. is it worth throwing 4 years away... I just don't want to have any regrets in my future... if I ever ask myself I should have tried a little harder?. any thoughts or am I just being ridiculous

Your being ridiculous saying you should have tried hardrer you did your best.

Are you still together I thought you were back togethger??

You're sitting there thinking to yourself, "I'll give her the space she wants and when she gets hurt she'll come back to me."
How do you know this will even happen?
While you're stressing over her and if she'll come back, what is she doing? Living her life, probably meeting new people NOT thinking about you aka moving on.
WHY AREN'T YOU DOING THE SAME?
Why waste your time on the past, work on YOUR future.

I know that it is much easier said than done, but do this for yourself--MOVE ON. If you really were a great boyfriend to her, then you deserve a great girlfriend yourself!

From what I have read in some of your previous posts I think that you should go on the premise that it is over. Of course, there is always the possibility she will change her mind, but usually this is a reaction that the ex has to your lack of attention, and almost always doesn't work out. Could you have tried harder? You said you tried your best. Maybe it just wasn't enough for this girl, or maybe you had something to learn. Regardless, you did the best you could at the time, and apparently the time wasn't right.

She may realize that you were a great boyfriend, but does it mean it will work out?? No, sorry, it doesn't. Generally speaking, if a woman loves a man, she will not give up. She will communicate and work at the relationship with a passion.

I know it is painful, but you really need to move on. You can't just wait and pine. You must go on with living, find things to make you happy, find ways to stop obsessing on your ex. You must live for today - not yesterday or tomorrow. If it's meant to happen it will... but my guess is that it won't. Move on... it is time.

Hope this helps, even though it's tough.

Hugs, Didi

yes I know I did my best... and I'm not grieving for this girl anymore... I passed all the harsh stages... and I'm learning to let go... this site and eveyone has helped me out through so much... "thanks all" I feel like guys have it much more tougher then women facing heart breaks though... women can talk there weakness and sadness out w/ there girls.. guys have no one.. especially after there love one leaves... they're the ones who we only went to to talk our emotions out..

my x is in a imature phase right now... I know because I went through that phase also.. that's what lead to our break up.. she's doing everything I did but a little worse... that's why I just know, something just tells me... I guess its an intuition my heart tells me.. that she will learn just like I did... but she has't learned the hard way like me... that's why I posted this thread... I just have a little hope left... should I forget it? Is this hope worth fighting for? Only reason I'm saying this is because... I've heard from a lot of elder people parents and family... "if you have even a little hope, thats hope. and its worth fighting for till the end" I just really do not want any "what if's" in my future...

I know.. I know... forget her let go... I did and doing that day by day... I have faith.. and I'm happy seeing her happy I really am no jelousey at all... and also no HURT at all...

Quote:

Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Your being ridiculous saying you should have tried hardrer you did your best.

Are you still together I thought you were back togethger???

No we were only talking... but her imaturaity killed our relathionship and freindship... there is no name calling no hatred between us at all... I guess she just wants her space..

Quote:

Originally Posted by incognito

You're sitting there thinking to yourself, "I'll give her the space she wants and when she gets hurt she'll come back to me."
How do you know this will even happen?

Have you once ever expireanced something in your life... were you just know.. no matter what just know.. your heart just tells you.. and you go with it... no doubts no if and what's about it... that's how I know... I don't know why but my heart has'nt ever failed me in this type of way... I guess we can call it faith.. but people who expeiarnced this probably know what I'm talking about

Quote:

but people who expeiarnced this probably know what I'm talking about

Been there, done that, more than a few times, and at some point enough is enough. Make yourself happy for yourself. If she wants to be part of it, so be it. If not... see you!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Been there, done that, more than a few times, and at some point enough is enough. Make yourself happy for yourself. If she wants to be part of it, so be it. If not................see ya!!!!

Haha I was expecting to hear from you, always harsh but straight forward your right though.. that's what I'm doing... I'm just keeping myself happy... but still have that hope

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stunning07

have you once ever expireanced somthing in your life... were you just know.. no matter what just know.. your heart just tells you.. and you go with it... no doubts no if and whats about it... thats how i know... i dunno why but my heart has'nt ever failed me in this type of way... i guess we can call it faith.. but people who expeiarnced this probally know what im talking about

Yes, I have... twice. Once was with the man who later became my husband. When we met I knew that I could spend the rest of my life with him. After we had dated exclusively, then even lived together for almost 4 years, talked about marriage, etc. he said that he thought he loved me but he just didn't know for sure and because he didn't know he needed to step back from it, let go. The funny thing was is that I didn't really want to get married, because I had been married previously to a very abusive man. I believed that if I let him go he would come back to me, so I tried very hard to save us the trouble. I KNEW he loved me. I stayed with him for a year trying so very hard to work it out... I couldn't. He distanced himself from me more and more. So, I eventually moved away. He knew as I was leaving that he loved me, but it took him 11 months to come to me and ask me to marry him. We were married just barely 10 years when he died.

The second man was someone that I met and knew instantaneously that we were destined to be together. Corny? Yep! However, I knew... in fact, I still know, that one day we will be together. He had issues... the kind of man who fell in love deep and hard. He had been married 3 times before and all relationships were ended by the women he loved. He decided that he would never allow himself to be that close to anyone again. We were close... so deep we almost drowned. Every single time he felt himself letting his guard down he would disappear or end things. I waited and went back to him and it ended again and he came back again... this went on for over 2 years before I finally decided I had to move on. Every time I did, he'd show up again and those deep feelings were still there. Nearly another year! However, I was going insane. I wasn't living anymore, and even when I made the effort he was always in the back of my mind. I have had to work every day at not getting caught up in my emotions and let my head rule my heart. I move on because I know the time is not right. One day it will be. I'm not sure if it will be in this lifetime, but I do know we will be together. In the meantime, I lived, loved, and laughed. The more I did to push him away the stronger I became.

So, I DO know how you feel and believe me, it is NOT easier for a lot of women because many women only have superficial or surface friendships that come and go. The good thing is that we can and do talk and get things out, so that makes it a little more tolerable. If talking doesn't work for you, then try a journal. It will help. Keep hope in perspective, that's all. Sometimes people enter our lives for other reasons which are not yet clear to us. I suspect that this girl is one of them.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

Quote:

Originally Posted by grammadidi

We were married just barely 10 years when he died.

So, I DO know how you feel and believe me, it is NOT easier for a lot of women because many women only have superficial or surface friendships that come and go. The good thing is that we can and do talk and get things out, so that makes it a little more tolerable. If talking doesn't work for you, then try a journal. It will help. Keep hope in perspective, that's all. Sometimes people enter our lives for other reasons which are not yet clear to us. I suspect that this girl is one of them.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

I'm sorry to hear.. what keeps me up, is knowing that someone always has it worse which is life... I'm keeping my head up just like everyone should... I became very spiritual also.. everything that brought me down I ended up keeping my head up... I'm kind of glad it happened... I've learned so much.. and I keep learning... I feel I as a young person have a long way to go.. and have a lot of obsticals in life which I must go through...

I will keep this hope... and see what it brings me.. if not more fishes in the sea

Bravo! This is one very encouraging post that I'd say I'll re-read over and over again.

Grandmadidi, you bear such a positive attitude, you look things at such a positive side, your way of dealing with issues really taught me a good lesson. Yes, hope is a very positive motivation for everyone, and it's so different from expectation. If you hope for something, and it didn't turn out the way you'd hope for, you maybe upset for a while; however, if you expected something to happen and it didn't happen the way you want, you'll feel disappointed, feeling down, not wanting to do anything.

In this world we live, we live for ourselves. I know this sounds too cold but after all, one needs to love him / herself before they will gain the love from the others. I don't necessarily mean love in a relationship, but also among family and friends. Beyond that, you'll also gain respect, which you can keep your heads up no matter what you have to face.

I'm also going through a very tough time... I've learned 1 thing from my situation is that the person who initiate the break-up, it's not easy for them as well. They must have been through a certain degree of pain, disappointment, or other factors that only they can see / feel before they made the decision. Now that I'm suffering, it was actually a matter of who suffered first. My ex-partner suffered from the lack of attention, been through a lot of struggling, then made his decision to let go; now, I suffered, learned from it, realized that we will not be back together, but I still have that "little hope"... It's a good thing to have hope in your life... I may not even see him anymore, but I hope that he has all the happiness that I didn't give him before... An old saying says "If you love someone, set him free, let him go" True enough, I now gradually learning that love should be unconditional, not selfish.

Below is my original post so that if anyone is interested on what happened on me, please feel free to take a look:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...you-98553.html

Last but not least, I know there's someone who always love me, and He will guide us through all the difficulties that we are facing now, it's just a test the He has given and if He knew that we can't make it through, He will not put it in front of us. And yes, I know God loves me.

Yes... hope & faith is what I will have... for the next two months... I never said I'm going to give up on my life... but I'm not going to give up on my love... my love is true for her... lets see after all the fun she has... when the fun is over... lets see were her love stands... I won't take her back so easily at all... she will have a price to pay... which will be freindship..

It been a week since nc and I feel so weak.. and miss her... I don't know how long this pain.. will last... I duno why she's doing this.. I'm still trying my best... but I feel so lost.. and weak

Relax and stay cool. Take a nice bath and then watch some TV. Enjoy yourself. Masterbate. Do anything you can to treat yourself... Don't contact her. If she wants you, she will contact you. Stay true to yourself then maybe others can be true to you. If you don't care for your feelings, then what makes you think someone else will? You are doing good right now and this is part of the process. What you are going through is normal... Just try to be happy and stay strong and busy! Good luck my friend!

Thanks bro.. I just duno I never expected her to ditch me like this I still have that hope but it just hurts sometimes.

Its summer, get in shape, get some dark glasses, and do some girlwatching... and know how lucky you are to be young, single, and best of all... AVAILABLE!!

Well guys I was right... she wants me back I told her we can be friends and don't pay a lot of attention to her

Did you get the dark glasses as I suggested?? That's probably what brought her back.