Ask Me Help Desk - Circle of friends?

Okay, I am 32 years old and have always had friends. Most have come and gone for various reasons, whethter it was a new job or they moved. But many just disappered when they met their boyfriend or got married. The past few years, I haven't had a "circle of friends" where everybody knows everybody but rather a "line of friends"... alot of friends that really don't know each other. Is this what most people experience in their own lives or do most people have that tight click? What's normal? I have a few friends that have been there through the years, but recently I just wrote off a good friend of 11 years because she just has "no time" anymore. Is that legitimate? Should I be accepting of that as I have been since she got married? I stay very busy with a friend here and a friend there, but never a "circle of friends". Just curious what most people my age are experiencing with their own friendships. Thanks

This is an awesome question! I went through the same thing for a different reason. I moved away from my circle of friends, formed a new one with my husband, then got divorced and had to start over. Ended up with random friends here and there - none particularly close. So I started paying particular attention to people who seemed to have the kind of close connections that I want in my own life and I found that they are all instigators, both in meeting people and in bringing them together. My sister seems to have friends everywhere she goes and it's because of a few habits she has. First, she doesn't worry about what people will think of each other or whether they will get along. She brings together the people she likes, and it works out amazingly well. She makes herself available to her friends and comes up with interesting things to do. For example, she will call a friend an ask if they want to go to antique stores, or to go for coffee to see a local blue grass musician, or she just has a party and invites everyone she can think of. She keeps it casual and inexpensive, but pays attention to making sure there's enough food, and a comfortable atmosphere. People invite her in return, so she's busy all the time with fun stuff.

She mixes our family with her friends, too.

I've started doing the same and it's amazing because people now see me as the person with the great social life, and they want a piece of it so they invite me places.

My mother told me if you want a friend, be a friend. Well, there's a lot to that. I say start having people over. Invite your guy friends over for a game and order some pizzas and buy some beer - nothing fancy. Another time, ask if they want to meet at your place and then go out to a music festival including spouses or significant others, friends or whomever they want to invite. Maybe one person will show up, maybe 15. Don't worry about it - just go for it. Keep things easy and casual, and you can do it all the time instead of making a big thing of it.

You can start a circle, not only join one.

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Originally Posted by Jami301

Okay, I am 32 years old and have always had friends. Most have come and gone for various reasons, whethter it was a new job or they moved. But many just disappered when they met their boyfriend or got married. The past few years, I haven't had a "circle of friends" where everybody knows everybody but rather a "line of friends"...alot of friends that really don't know each other. Is this what most people experience in their own lives or do most people have that tight click? What's normal? I have a few friends that have been there through the years, but recently I just wrote off a good friend of 11 years because she just has "no time" anymore. Is that legitimate? Should I be accepting of that as I have been since she got married? I stay very busy with a friend here and a friend there, but never a "circle of friends". Just curious what most people my age are experiencing with their own friendships. Thanks

Well. . I am 35 and I had high school friends and even intermediate school friends that I knew for almost 20 years or so. Well over the last few years , I lost them one by one , because maybe one started to do bad things in their life to another friend totally stabbing me in the back. Once I didn't have a circle I felt down for a month or so . But then I started making friends outside that circle I had and you know what . I think that having a line is much much better then a circle. Because people grow and change . In a circle you can only grow so much . I think that people with lines are happier , just my opinion. I know I am happier now then I was with my "click" cause I can see different sides to myself that I didn't before and it is great . Just thought I would share that with you .