Ask Me Help Desk - I am in love with my friends ex!

OK somebody out there please help me! I am pretty sure I am in love with my friends ex boyfriend! I have loved him since the first day I saw him. I was upset to see however my friend chiara was picked and I don't even think he thought of me in that way yet. But anyway she was the new girl in school and I decided I would treat her like I would like to be treated if I were a new kid so I became her best friend like that. At the time I liked another boy named joey and another kind of like ryan. But anyway david asked chiara out and I immediately became sad. But I became the single best friend and people I think partially the reason I don't have a boyfriend and I have never had one is because I can't forget david I'm about 15. But then every time I see him I get this feeling like I'm nervous and I just want to tell him. But its been about 4 and a half years and I still haven't told him. Chiara on the other hand is probably a horrible friend but I can't seem to stay mad at her no matter how bad she stabs me in the back. Because over the years we have become more distant I mean she has a new best friend but me and her are still good friends. I don't know what to do. I am shy and I have dreamed about telling him so long but I just can't I am too afriad. I have even make trips in the hallways just to see him. He has blue eyes they are amazing. So I have even pondered putting secret admirer things on his locker but other friends who I have told about him discouraged me because they think he would be told who was putting it up and I would be revealed. I mean he has asked out other girls since like blonde stupid people and girls he likes ironically are girls I dispise. That makes it a whole lot easier. Chiara and david broke up in the kind of end of 7th grade they were going out for a long time and I had to sit there and watch. Me and david had that kind of oo I hate him thing like some couples friends do. But while teasing or perhaps mean I secretly loved him. I have liked other people but still can't forget him. I mean I even like hotter people than him its just something about him and I know its "wrong" to date a friends ex but how do you just forget him? I mean I have to forget him or I have to just tell him because I think ill regret it someday even if he hates me or something. I have to get over him its just not as easy as it sounds I mean a month of new guys couldn't make me forget him. I think I need a boyfriend someday that maybe will do the trick. But any advice? What do you do when you don't want to lose that good of a friend but at the same time want to tell him? Even if it didn't work out then would it be better? Gosh help me.. . signed: dazed and confused secret admirer

People please freakin asnwer me please!! One person would help!

Well, I'm one person... maybe I can help:

If there's one thing I wish I could go back and change from high school is how long it took me to tell my crushes I liked them. Honestly, it's such a waste of time to sit there and wonder if they liked me, if I should say something, what I should say, how I should say it, if they looked at me, what it meant when they tied their shoe in front of me and used a double-knot instead of a single-knot...

You see where I'm going with this? It's been 4 years! You need to try and make a move and then deal with the result: if he likes you, great--otherwise, you know that you tried and you can move on.

As for dating someone's "ex," know that most of your girlfriends would date your ex. Both guys and girls are willing to do this... not everyone, but most.

Well, I think you are in love with the fantasy of loving David, not in love with him. The only way you can let go is to get real. As time goes on you will be dating guys, maturing and figuring out just what it is that you want out of life. Perhaps 'loving' David and not being able to get over him is a fantasy you keep to prevent yourself from dating someone else? The truth is, if you tell him you love him, have a crush on him, like him, etc. then you may lose your friend AND the fantasy will end. I suspect that deep down, you don't want either one of those things.

You're correct, you don't date your friend's ex, and dating other people will help a lot!

Good luck!

Didi

Granmadidi and huno thank you. huno you were right I thik mostly. And granmadidi I don't totally agree with you but I apprefciate the asnwer. Thank you so much. But honestly I should tell him I guess. I mean my friend would do it to me she's a real fake but then again I don't know I'm real shy. So?? Yeah... and I don't know about dating others I mean I don't think I can get over it.

I appreciate that you will choose the response that best supports the way you are feeling. I just wanted to ask you to think about the labels that other girls (and guys) might put on you if you date your friend's ex. My adopted daughter is in grade 10 and when she was in grade 9 she dated a friends ex-boyfriend a couple of times. Soon there were some pretty nasty rumours going around about her and it made school very uncomfortable for her for awhile. It made it very difficult for her to make friends because the girls didn't trust her anymore.

Just thought you might want to consider what other people might think and say. As for you not thinking that you will get over it. Of course you feel that way, you are young. Remember, when you are young you date a variety of people to help you determine who and what you might want once you are mature enough and ready for a lifelong relationship. You will probably have your heart broken several times over by then (as well as breaking a few yourself). It's all part of growing up, and you will look back on your first love with nostalgia, warmth, a smile and a sigh... but in all honesty, the chances of your first love and your relationship lasting forever are slim. It's like school... you still have a lot to learn.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

Thanks didi! I do appreciate this I am thinking it over. I am not going to tell him don't worry. But I am never going to go out with somebody unless its zac efron or daniel radcliffe haha (movie stars) and I don't go to school dances so I don't know I'm shy I gues ill never know ? Thanks <3 w/ love aandz4ever

Hee hee... yeah, if I were your age, I might reconsider my answer for those two! :P Hmm... so you are shy. Next step, pushing yourself to be less shy. Go to the school dances. At first it will be uncomfortable, but the more you do it, the easier it will get... and the more chances you have to meet some nice guys that are feeling just as shy as you! I KNOW this for fact... I don't think ANYONE is more shy than I am!! :)

You'll be okay, I think. You are willing to listen and learn and think things over before making the best decision for yourself. That's half the battle! I bet your parents are proud of you.

Hugs, Didi

Yes I just still don't think the whole "dance" scene is me at all. I have to be honest and tell you I probably won't go to any of them. For real :) I don't know I can't become less shy its weird when I'm with my friends I'm less shy and totally a different person. I don't know. And I am probably never going to date at least in high school. Seriously I don't feel the need for a boyfriend and I never have. I don't know. But I just want my happy ending. Like with a movie star and I have really high expectations for my guy. I guess I have watched one to many disney movies. Yes I am practically 15 and still enjoy watching the little mermaid hah NERD. Xoxo <3 aandz4ever!

OK 170 people viewed and only 8 responses?? What?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AandZ4ever

ok somebody out there please help me! i am pretty sure i am in love with my friends ex boyfriend! i have loved him since the first day i saw him. i was upset to see however my friend chiara was picked and i dont even think he thought of me in that way yet. but anyway she was the new gurl in school and i decided i would treat her like i would like to be treated if i were a new kid so i became her best friend like that. at the time i liked another boy named joey and another kinda like ryan. but anyway david asked chiara out and i immediatly became sad. but i became the single best friend and people i think partially the reason i dont have a bf and i have never had one is because i can't forget david im about 15. but then every time i see him i get this feeling like im nervous and i just want to tell him. but its been about 4 and a half years and i still havent told him. chiara on the other hand is probably a horrible friend but i can't seem to stay mad at her no matter how bad she stabs me in the back. because over the years we have become more distant i mean she has a new best friend but me and her are still good friends. i ;) dont kno what to do. i am shy and i have dreamed about telling him so long but i just can't i am too afriad. i have even make trips in the hallways just to see him. he has blue eyes they are amazing. so i have even pondered putting secret admirer things on his locker but other friends who i have told about him discouraged me because they think he would be told who was putting it up and i would be revealed. i mean he has asked out other gurls since like blonde stupid people and gurls he likes ironically are gurls i dispise. that makes it a whole lot easier. chiara and david broke up in the kinda end of 7th grade they were going out for a long time and i had to sit there and watch. me and david had that kinda oo i hate him thing like some couples friends do. but while teasing or perhaps mean i secretly loved him. i have liked other people but still can't forget him. i mean i even like hotter people than him its just something about him and i kno its "wrong" to date a friends ex but how do u just forget him? i mean i have to forget him or i have to just tell him because i think ill regret it someday even if he hates me or something. i have to get over him its just not as easy as it sounds i mean a month of new guys couldnt make me forget him. i think i need a bf someday that maybe will do the trick. but any advice? what do u do when u dont want to lose that good of a friend but at the same time want to tell him? even if it didnt work out then would it be better? gosh help me . .. signed: dazed and confused secret admirer

;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinny17

;)

Huh lol??

Quote:

Originally Posted by AandZ4ever

ok somebody out there please help me! i am pretty sure i am in love with my friends ex boyfriend! i have loved him since the first day i saw him. i was upset to see however my friend chiara was picked and i dont even think he thought of me in that way yet. but anyway she was the new gurl in school and i decided i would treat her like i would like to be treated if i were a new kid so i became her best friend like that. at the time i liked another boy named joey and another kinda like ryan. but anyway david asked chiara out and i immediatly became sad. but i became the single best friend and people i think partially the reason i dont have a bf and i have never had one is because i can't forget david im about 15. but then every time i see him i get this feeling like im nervous and i just want to tell him. but its been about 4 and a half years and i still havent told him. chiara on the other hand is probably a horrible friend but i can't seem to stay mad at her no matter how bad she stabs me in the back. because over the years we have become more distant i mean she has a new best friend but me and her are still good friends. i dont kno what to do. i am shy and i have dreamed about telling him so long but i just can't i am too afriad. i have even make trips in the hallways just to see him. he has blue eyes they are amazing. so i have even pondered putting secret admirer things on his locker but other friends who i have told about him discouraged me because they think he would be told who was putting it up and i would be revealed. i mean he has asked out other gurls since like blonde stupid people and gurls he likes ironically are gurls i dispise. that makes it a whole lot easier. chiara and david broke up in the kinda end of 7th grade they were going out for a long time and i had to sit there and watch. me and david had that kinda oo i hate him thing like some couples friends do. but while teasing or perhaps mean i secretly loved him. i have liked other people but still can't forget him. i mean i even like hotter people than him its just something about him and i kno its "wrong" to date a friends ex but how do u just forget him? i mean i have to forget him or i have to just tell him because i think ill regret it someday even if he hates me or something. i have to get over him its just not as easy as it sounds i mean a month of new guys couldnt make me forget him. i think i need a bf someday that maybe will do the trick. but any advice? what do u do when u dont want to lose that good of a friend but at the same time want to tell him? even if it didnt work out then would it be better? gosh help me . .. signed: dazed and confused secret admirer

Hunny all I have to say is I was in that same position and woah baby it sucked but at the time I didn't like the kid when he was going out with my best friend too bu then she moved and yea I did like him a lot but the best thing to do is be distant from him and try your best to not think of him since he isn't making a shot toward you