All right, so I have a boyfriend, we have never had phone sex but last night after my boyfriend left my house, my guy friend called and we were talking and I was really horny so I asked him to have phone sex with me. Then we decided not to and to go to sleep because of work issues in the morning. Now, if I did have phone sex with my guy friend, do you think that is considered cheating ? Because I don't want to do anything to hurt my relationship.. but I really want to do this with this guy. Suggestions.. :confused:

I would consider it cheating. I consider cyber dating or flirting or sex to be cheating. However it doesn't matter what I think or anyone else on this board what matters is what your boyfriend would consider cheating. Also, is phone sex cheating worth throwing out your relationship?

No, it isn't but I've been really horny lately and my boyfriend would feel akward if he were to have phone sex with me. That's why I asked my friend.. This sounds really bad, I know, But I need advice on it.

But you said you wanted to have phone sex AFTER your boyfriend left. Do you not have an intimate relationship with your boyfriend, I'm confused.

Also, you know you can control your urges so that you don't cheat on your boyfriend.

Well actually no, we had just had sex before he left, and he had pleasured me for atleat 20 minutes before that. But when he left my friend called and we are really just friends and we talk a lot on the phone. But last night I don't know why, but I just wanted to have phone sex with him. And what is even worse is I am kind of fantasizing now what it would be like to hold him, kiss him and have sex with him. I don't know what is going through my head right now. So I am asking for some help.

Way fuzzy area...

I mean, usually if you can say "this would hurt the relationship if he knew" its obviously not good for the relationship.

My wife flirts from time to time with guys. I'm OK with it, and even think it's a little sexy. Doesn't mean I'm not a jealous man, I just trust her a little more than my jealousy runs hard most of the time.

But if I knew she were channeling emotional energy toward another person through phone sex, id be upset. Instead of channeling it toward your boyfriend, you are redirecting it.

Now... is this bad? I can't answer that. I can't tell you what is right or wrong for you.

Is it good for your relationship? Probably not. Even though we all have some fantasies and fetishes, if you cannot include your partner, its probably not the best thing for it. That doesn't mean you'll ruin it. Then again, if he's cool with it, it could be fine. I dated a girl once who was absolutely fine with my dating and seeing other women with no strings tied.

Would you be fine if he went to a strip club? Similar thing? Watching porn? Similar? The hard part is that you have a personal contact with this guy... its not just a 900 number, maybe that just seems like it makes it worse... I don't know...

So you are looking for the phone-sex-guilt-free loophole... don't know that it exists. You aren't doing something that is exactly cheating, and you aren't doing something that supports the relationship for the most part.

So my answer is its up to you. How's that for a cop-out?

Here's a question for you. How would you feel if your boyfriend was having phone sex with a friend of his, just because he was horny, and he thought you would feel too uncomfortable doing it with him, so he found some one that would. Relationships are built on TRUST and on SELFLESS love. There is nothing selfless about what you are contemplating. Obviously you already know the answer to this, and that is why you are asking us, and not your boyfriend. Going behind his back to be intimate with another guy, no matter your intentions with the other guy, is definitely cheating.you are here looking for permission that it is "ok" to do this, from the wrong people. The person you need to talk to is your boyfriend, if your relationship means as much to you as you say it does. Also be aware that allowing yourself to go into situations such as this simply invites the possibilities and likely hood of physically cheating.

See, I came to you guys not for an "okay" But for a little guidance I've never felt this way before and I want to know if it is normal.

Is it normal to feel lust for someone other then your boyfriend? Yes.

Is it normal to attempt to engage your object of lust in lustful behavior? I don't know about normal but I certainly don't find that to be the correct behavior in a relationship. What if phone sex isn't enough for you will you then feel its okay to have sex with this friend because you're horny? You're going down a slippery slope...

No, I would never have actual sex with another man. Phone sex would just help me during the orgasm I would give myself. I am just really confused. I guess I need to wait on this, but it is so hard not to.

Sorry, I meant it is so hard to wait.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about this?

Is it normal to fantasize about people other than your partner? Sure!

I think the issue here is you are making contact... this isn't just mentally thinking of images while in the moment. Is it cheating to use a vibrator and think of a man other than your partner? Well... no...

But once you engage that other person... I think the issue is, in part, we dumb humans have a sneaky way of pushing our boundaries out more and more and then we wonder how the hell we got where we are.

What about self-stimulation? What if your boyfriend self stim'd so much that it took away from his performance with you? Problem, right? Well... what if he didn't do it that much but did watch porn to get off? Problem? Is he just taking off the edge or is he channeling energy he could be putting toward you? Maybe mixed...

What if fantasies about other men begin to dominate your sexual mental thoughts?

Its just tough, I think, to say "this is Right" and "this is Wrong"... but when it feels wrong, like you are feeling a little, it probably is.

Right for you and right for the relationship don't always mesh.

Thank you guys so much, you are really helping my decision. I feel bad about asking for advice, so maybe that is a clue to as NOT to do it?

Yes, it is wrong and it is considered cheating.

I get the feeling that you know it is wrong, that is why your questioning it.

It is okay to have fantasies but when you cross that line to actually engaging somebody, that act has crossed the line.

Hope you and your boyfriend enjoy each other and is not the best sex in person with your partner. (NOT ON THE PHONE?)

I am glad you asked for the advice. There is no reason to feel bad about asking for advice. That is only way to get help is by asking, right?

Joe

What are the ages of the cast members? Does your guy friend know your boy friend? How long have you know each? Best wishes.

Uhum well I think it will make you kind of feel bad and guilty after and maybe you might not be able to look at your guy in the eye

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Originally Posted by eustress89

Well actually no, we had just had sex before he left, and he had pleasured me for atleat 20 minutes before that. But when he left my friend called and we are really just friends and we talk alot on the phone. But last night I don't know why, but I just wanted to have phone sex with him. And what is even worse is I am kind of fantasizing now what it would be like to hold him, kiss him and have sex with him. I don't know what is going through my head right now. So I am asking for some help.

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Does not sound much like LOVE to me here. Or perhaps that is just the way I see it.

if my boyfriend did this, i would consider it cheating, well not cheating to the full extent, but a major lack of respect for me, its something that would make me rethink our relationship.
i personally wouldnt do it with a friend or anyone else for that matter, if im horny i go to my man, thats what hes there for.

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Originally Posted by eustress89

Alright, so I have a boyfriend, we have never had phone sex but last night after my bf left my house, my guy friend called and we were talking and I was really horny so I asked him to have phone sex with me. Then we decided not to and to go to sleep because of work issues in the morning. Now, if I did have phone sex with my guy friend, do you think that is considered cheating ? Because I don't want to do anything to hurt my relationship..but I really want to do this with this guy. Suggestions..?:confused:

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Would you be okay with your boyfriend doing it? Would you consider it cheating if places were switched? Would you feel comfortable telling him you want to have phone sex with this friend?