Ask Me Help Desk - Confused about a guy I used to work with.. again

Confused about a guy I used to work with.. again

Hello,

I'll try to keep this brief. I have posted about this guy before : https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ut-682385.html

(He told me at the time that the reason he acted this way is because he was having a family crisis, I left him alone for weeks and got on with it)

Over time at work, my feelings for him grew stronger and I could see that it was mutual. We talked every day, went on lunch dates together. I could see his face light up whenever I was around. I don't know if I have ever met somebody so into me, or so I believe?

I quit my job for something better paid and nearer just after Christmas. I got a call from him 3 weeks later saying that he had moved into my town (yay!) and asking if I would call over to his house which I did. Hes a surfer and he tore a ligament in his back so I called over with food. We watched a movie and before long we were making out on his couch. This was 2 weeks ago. We texted for a few days and I called him on Sunday last week and he called me back a few hours later. I haven't heard from him since. He didn't really make any plans to meet up with me so I didn't want to call him again I guess

I am absolutely crazy about him! I don't know what to do or what to think? Is he freaking out or just not into me? I am not the type to keep hounding a guy but we haven't spoken for a week now which just feels odd because we used to talk at work every day. Should I call? I know he was in physio for his back but I could be also making excuses for him here!

Any thoughts much appreciated as always! I just can't seem to be able to stop thinking about him :)

You need to leave this guy alone. He if he wants to talk to you let him call you. You obviously have stronger feelings for you than he does for you. You need to stop reading things in to what he says. His actions speak volumes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You need to leave this guy alone. He if he wants to talk to you let him call you. You obviously have stronger feelings for you than he does for you. You need to stop reading things in to what he says. His actions speak volumes.

Oh. You mean you think he was just trying to get laid maybe or something? (we didn't, never have). I don't understand. He told me that night as well that he has difficulty trusting people. He told me how long he's liked me for and how cool/intelligent/beautiful he thinks I am. When I worked with him Id catch him staring at me from across the room and he do all these hilariously silly things just to try and impress me. He just seems to pull back as soon as we're gettting close again! Argh. I know Ill just leave him alone, I just can't stop thinking about it. I think Im in love! :(

I didn't say he was trying to get in your pants just saying he does not feel the same way you do. Don't chase him. If he wants to talk to you, be with you, he will.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I didn't say he was trying to get in your pants just saying he does not feel the same way you do. Don't chase him. If he wants to talk to you, be with you, he will.

Okeydokey. He called me and asked me over to his but I had already made plans. Hopefully he calls again :)

I think you need to leave this guy along. I think maybe he was just leading you on to make u think he likes you. But it seems like to me like he hasn't took any interest in talking to you, trying to hang out with you, or even answering your phone calls. What do you think?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acacia Pasley

I think you need to leave this guy along. I think maybe he was just leading you on to make u think he likes you. But it seems like to me like he hasn't took any intrest in talking to you, trying to hang out with you, or even answering your phone calls. What do you think?

He does answer my phone calls? I don't know what to think to be honest. He seems to be into me, he's just slow or somethig? I'm not going to chase him either way. He was chasing me when he knew I was with somebody else but I kept blowing him off. THEN, out of nowhere I started to like him too, and it's like he got scared and ran away so I let it go. The more I seem to let go the more I get confused. He's also been my friend for about 5 years. I don't think I'm being played? But then again I have been wrong about men in the past so who knows

You seem rather eager to be called to relieve the boredom of a hurt and shut in fellow who never calls or shows interest other wise. At least you didn't change your plans for him this time but you are ignoring some really obvious red flags. He never calls just to chat and share and care.

I think you are making excuses for your "love".

Yeah I was afraid of that. He is rather shut off sometimes. When he lets me in a little he seems to run away again. I never pressure him into anything. What to do next time he calls? He did call me a lot when we were just friends seeing other people... Maybe not ready at all! He is my friend. Maybe we should try to keep it at that?

Then don't make out because maybe crossing the lust line is what starts the confusion

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Then don't make out because maybe crossing the lust line is what starts the confusion

Think I'm just going to talk to him. I can't guess anymore. No big deal, no pressure we've known each other well for a long time!

Thank you peoples! X

He called up to me, after texting /calling me all weekend. I think he just ended it, whatever it was. Basically, he grew up with his dad being an abusive alcoholic and he's been shutting it out for years and the reason that he didn't call me for 2 weeks is because he's been getting panic attacks and he's back in a group called alananon which is a group like aa except for children of alcoholics and he's realised he's 36 and he still hasn't sorted it out and he doesn't want to hurt me like he did his previous girlfriends. Wow

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Then don't make out because maybe crossing the lust line is what starts the confusion

He sounds like a guy who could be a nice one under all that retreating.
I would tell him that you would like to remain a friend, but won't expect anything, because of his long disappearances with no word or warning. Be forthright about where he's lacking, but without recriminations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

He sounds like a guy who could be a nice one under all that retreating.
I would tell him that you would like to remain a friend, but won't expect anything, because of his long disappearances with no word or warning. Be forthright about where he's lacking, but without recriminations.

Thanks, I told him that Im still his friend no matter what and I'm always going to be there for him and good luck with his new upcoming therapy. I was honest about how I felt about it After he volunteered all of this info.. We left on a good note but to be honest I'm in total shock and I can't sleep at all...