Ask Me Help Desk - Why is it so hard to make friends?

I used to have a lot of friends but as time goes by you lose touch, plus I am from a different country and all my friends are there. But since moving to the United States (2001) I find it hard to make friends, I can't seem to find anyone that even remotly gets me like my other friends did. I miss the whole lets chat about whatever and stuff you know, and for some reason when I go out with the people I work with, we have nothing in common they just want to get drunk and act stupid. Plus I am very straight forward and honest and apparently people don't like that, they say I am rude. I also find it hard to start a conversation with someone I don't know it is just very akward I never know what to say. My husband has friends but they are his friends I mean they are wonderful people but there girlfriends are such snobs and so mean. So what am I to do?:(

Try contacting your old friends... or try and make new frds... its really hard to search a good frd. But you can try...

Many Americans are childish in the extreme. I'm assuming you came to America. There are a few who are grown up. They may be much older than you. Befriend someone who is older and straightforward like you. Some are found at work, but you have to work with people who are mature.

If the wives and girlfriend of your husband's mates are snotty to you, just be nice to them. Snotty or snobbish people are usually suffering from both immaturity and the fear that they aren't good enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenclover

I used to have alot of friends but as time goes by you lose touch, plus i am from a diffrent country and all my friends are there. But since moving to the United States (2001) i find it hard to make friends, i can't seem to find anyone that even remotly gets me like my other friends did. I miss the whole lets chat about whatever and stuff you know, and for some reason when i go out with the people i work with, we have nothing in common they just want to get drunk and act stupid. Plus i am very straight forward and honest and apparently people don't like that, they say i am rude. I also find it hard to start a conversation with someone i don't know it is just very akward i never know what to say. My husband has friends but they are his friends i mean they are wonderful people but there girlfriends are such snobs and so mean. so what am i to do?:(

Well... u need to find a group of people u like to be around and not go out and party and drink and act stupied afater that don't be so blunt with everything hold something's in and if u want to talk to someone start small converstaion like where they use to go to skool at or what they do 4 fun small converstaion can get u far...

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenclover

I used to have alot of friends but as time goes by you lose touch, plus i am from a diffrent country and all my friends are there. But since moving to the United States (2001) i find it hard to make friends, i can't seem to find anyone that even remotly gets me like my other friends did. I miss the whole lets chat about whatever and stuff you know, and for some reason when i go out with the people i work with, we have nothing in common they just want to get drunk and act stupid. Plus i am very straight forward and honest and apparently people don't like that, they say i am rude. I also find it hard to start a conversation with someone i don't know it is just very akward i never know what to say. My husband has friends but they are his friends i mean they are wonderful people but there girlfriends are such snobs and so mean. so what am i to do?:(

Maybe try one of the "Meet-Up" groups in your area, like "Females for Friendship". Just go to Meetup: World's largest community of local Meetups, clubs and groups! - Meetup.com. Another suggestion would be to involve yourself in an extra-curricular activity where you'll meet women with similar interests or hobbies. This might be a good starting point. I agree, that it is difficult, especially in larger cities, to meet people for friendship. I'm sort of in the same boat, although I have a great husband, whom I consider my best friend, so I do things mostly with him. It would be nice, though, to have more girlfriends to do other things with.

I was just like you to the point I started to question myself "Is it me or everybody?” But then I gave up looking for new and stick up with the old even though it means long distance. Also I learned how to keep myself busy so I don't feel bad having no friend around me. Now I start liking being alone better.

Don't' kill your energy with negative people around you for the sake of friendship. Know whom you spending your time with. And learn to feel okay by yourself. You can be best friend with yourself and now this site also opening a window to new unknown but great people to talk to. I like it and I don't feel like talking to a stranger. This is like someone I know…Good luck…

You should try that site at meetup.com like one of the above poster suggested. It really cool and it has groups in area that's looking for friends. I joined looking for a single mom group and we get together with our kids and have a good time and sometimes without the kids and have fun.

Also you must just be shy and I use to be that why but not any longer. I meet new people on the bus, train, store etc it does not matter but don't be scare and you should give that website a try. Best wishes.

Thanks liz28. I will try that.

I don't know what to say... I mean your question is rather old and hope you've already settled things up and started your social life.

If so I hope this helps others in your past condition.

Around the time you asked your question I started losing all of my friends. Others where talking too much and where dishonest and others didn't like the way I was evolving at the time and thought I was out of their standards. Anyway by August '09 I had lost all of them, except of one female friend whom we had casual meetings with, now and then, but not very much in common.

Anyway my point is that I'm currently alone, I have 2 close friends that live in other cities, but through these hardships I somewhat toughened (I had to do so a long time earlier :o)

However, understand this ( I know you may have already realized it); its somewhat stupid but it happens a lot.

You see when people realize that you like them and you want to spend time with them, or that you are alone, or that you need friends and that you are even desperate - you get the point - they tend to drift away, they may ignore you, they may even feel as if you are a burden to them (shame on them) but they do that. Not everyone is blessed with empathy and sympathy as well.

People want friends that complete their lives, that are of a certain status, that have their own opinions and lead a successful life. However sometimes if you are all that and more they may see you as a competitor, these are the stupidest I may say of all, they have learned from an early age to disregard noble people rather than praise them because they can't do better (Anyway let's forget about them for a while). It is good for the rest of them to see that you are human, that you have some flaws so as to feel a little lighter around you, but don't ever accept the role of an inferior person you are not because others will understand that in an instance and will think you are pretending someone else in order to benefit from something (who knows what? - they know!).
You may see some bitterness here but believe me after some of my efforts went terribly wrong (I am a male by the way and it's a little harder for us) I'm fed up with it. I don't say I won't try again, that would be a whole lot stupider on my behalf, I just say that when I will see a potential to someone again for being my friend I will be a little standoffish (a little) I won't try hard and will eventually be the one to judge if its worth it.
Good luck and have faith to yourselves.