Hi, Im not sure how this all works, but. I was dating this guy and a month into the relationship I ended up pregnant. When I was about 3 months pregnant we broke up. He declares that the baby is not his (even though it is) he doesn't believe me. He wants a DNA test done to see if it is and if it is he is willing to pay child support. We have no intentions on getting back together and I don't want his money for the unborn child. We recently spoke on the phone and he still wants a Dna test and I said that I no longer want one that I just want him to sign his rights over. Does he have any rights to this unborn child? Or with him not being involved at all with this pregnancy does he even have rights? When we first found out that I was pregnant he said he didn't want a baby right now and he didn't believe in abortions as well as I but he told me to give the baby up for adoption. I want this baby as its my second pregnancy and want another child for my 2 yr old. He tells everyone that he wants to be involved with this child but then tells me he doesn't. What options do I have? I'm not calling him when the child is born and I'm more then capable to raise this child on my own.

The ball is in his court. I believe you can leave the father's name as unknown on the birth certificate. However, he can force a paternity test if he wants to claim rights. You can ask him to just relinquish rights. You can check with your local family court for the forms to do so.

But its up to him what he does. You can't force him to relinquish his rights. Unless he would be a danger to the child, he has the right to be part of the child's life.

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Originally Posted by confusedmom23

he is willing to pay child support. We have no intentions on getting back together and I dont want his money for the unborn child.

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Hello confused:

It isn't YOUR money to turn down. It's your child's. Plus, we're talking about $24,000 or so, over the next 20 years, at only $100 per month. Can you afford to turn that down? Why would you? It has NOTHING to do with visitation or parental rights. It has only to do with your baby's welfare.

excon

That's true but with my first child I have gone through all of this and don't want to do it again. Its so hard on the kids. He said that he wants me to talk to his lawyer and tell her what I asked him. To sign his rights over he wants a contract written up so that in 5 or 10 yrs I won't come back after him for money. But I'm afriad that he will try to take this child away. I mean I am the mom and a very good mom at that I make more money in 2 weeks then he does in a month that's why I don't want his money. I have been told that because we weren't married when I got pregnant and are not together and won't be together again he has no rights. Im sure I'm worrying over nothing

Hello again, confused:

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Originally Posted by confusedmom23

I have been told that because we weren't married when i got pregnant and are not together and wont be together again he has no rights.

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WRONG!

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

You can't force him to relinquish his rights. Unless he would be a danger to the child, he has the right to be part of the child's life.

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RIGHT!

excon

Even if he is a unfit father who can't keep a job for more then a month, can't even pay his own truck payment, does drugs and is an alcoholic?I guess I'lll have to talk to my lawyer and see what my options are. I just worry cause I know he doesn't want this child at all, but says so to others. He plays games, when we were together alone he would deny this unborn child but when we were around family and his friends he would say that it was his. I don't understand why he would do such

Hello again, confused:

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Originally Posted by confusedmom23

does drugs and is an alcoholic?

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Scott is exactly right on. Please re-read what he says. The devil is in the details.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Unless he would be a danger to the child….

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If his drug and alcohol use poses a “danger” to the child, and you can prove it, then of course, his rights would be curtailed – NOT ENDED.

He certainly could clean up his act, and demand his rights back. He'll get them too.

excon

But if all he wants me to do his tell his lawyer what I want and he agrees and everything is written in a statement then it will be done and over with then right? Cause I know my daughters father did want her and we only went to court for child support. But if the father of this unborn child is willing to sign his rights over then I won't have tio deal with it later on right?

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Originally Posted by confusedmom23

But if the father of this unborn child is willing to sign his rights over then i wont have to deal with it later on right?

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Hello again, confused:

Not really. We're talking about a time span of 18 years or so, here. Lots of things are going to change. He may give up his rights now, but in 5, 10 years want them back. With a good lawyer, he could get them back, and probably WOULD, in my view.

There was a time not very long ago, when the law said, absolutely, that an unwed mother could give up her child for adoption, and the papers would be SEALED! If I were on a web site giving advice, I would have told an unwed mother that she COULD trust the law, and she could place her child up for adoption and do it confidentially.

I would have been wrong. Things change!

Please don't think of this as a one time event. You are parents forever.

excon

Yes. If he signs that he is relinquishing all rights on condition that you will not hold him financially responsible for the child, then that ends it.

Sounds like his lawyer is just dong her job of protecting his interests. But that gets you what you want without giving up anything you didn't want to.

Thank you guys so much. It makes sense about his rights and Scott if that's what he is willing to do is have his lawyer make sure that everything I say I what I want and I don't want his money and don't plan on coming back for it in 5 yrs or so Then maybe it's the right thing to do. Sit down with his lawyer and have an agreement finalized. He is paying for the lawyer. You guys are great help

I would not sign ANYTHING his lawyer prepares without making sure YOUR lawyer reviews it. His lawyer is looking out for his interests NOT yours. While this agreement may be in both of your best interests, you don't know what gotchas might be included. The agreement may be straightforward, but have it reviewed anyway.

Don't talk to his lawyer unless you have one too. You could get really screwed in some loopholes you may not find.

Well, you can't force him to give up his rights ; that has to be his decision. And it's not likely that any court would just accept him "signing away his rights", whether he wants to or not, unless someone else adopts the child. If he is in fact the father the he's legally responsible for paying child support but that'll never happen unless you sue him for it. You say that "you're more than capable to raise the child on your own" but if you would ever apply for public assistance then the welfare agency in your state would compel you to identify the father and track him down to get an order for child support established. He has the right to insist on a DNA test if he believes there's a chance the child could be his and if he is the dad he's entitled to visitation and you can't deny him that. He may also fight you for custody. Being the mother gives you an edge but not a guarantee.

ScottGem

Is what you said a fact because I am thinking of doing the same thing