I am giving a surprise 70th birthday party for my husband at our timeshare later this month. I have 3 stepchildren and my husband adopted my 2 children when we were married 38 years ago. There is one stepson that causes so much tension when he is around that I decided not to invite him. It is only a 3 bedroom house and room is at a premium. The other two stepdaughters invited him without asking me, even they knew of the problems. I thought when you are the hostess of a party, even if it is a family party, that the hostess is the one who decides who is invited. Am I wrong about this. I was told it was not MY party and that it was my husbands and that ALL his children should be there and I did not have the right to exclude him. They did not ask me if they could invite him even though they know the history of this relationship. I feel like I am setting boundaries so that the party will be one that is fun, and not filled with tension for everyone. Am I wrong??

They have all the right to want to spend time with their after on a special day like his 70th birthday just make the best of it and try to ignore the kid well adult, it's his birthday and he should spend it with all his family

He should be invited as one of the children. Maybe he will surprise you with good behavior. And if everyone knows how he can be, no one will be shocked if he acts out. Be sure to bring a camera.

Take the high road with families who do this. In fact, I'd invite him now yourself. The tension isn't with his 2 sisters or they wouldn't want him there. So that leaves how many people who don't? Say 3 out of 7 (you and your 2)? Steer clear of him as best you can and make the best of it.

Should he have been invited, yes, and it will only cause more by him knowing you did not invite him

But you are correct, it was YOUR party, you were the host, and it was for husband. If someone is a trouble maker, they do not have to be invited.

The other kids were wrong in inviting him

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Should he have been invited, yes, and it will only cause more by him knowing you did not invite him

But you are correct, it was YOUR party, you were the host, and it was for husband. If someone is a trouble maker, they do not have to be invited.

The other kids were wrong in inviting him

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I agree with both sides (dancing on a razorblade).

IF the mother was hosting the "guests" (children/stepchildren) had no right to invite anyone.

IF the children were hosting they had the right to invite the problematic child.

Why not invite, thereby throwing gasoline on the fire.

BUT should he have been invited - yes, I think so.

Did the other children possibly overstep their bounds? Yes.

On the third hand (?) I'd LOVE to celebrate someone's birthday at a timeshare, presumably someplace involving a beach. Wonder if the children would consider inviting me?