Ask Me Help Desk - Living with Ex-Boyfriend

Ok my ex and I broke up (his doing) over 5 years ago, we have only just started talking a year ago which he initiated. Firstly, not sure why he rung after 5 years, maybe he was lonely.

Anyway, after about 10mths of chatting he asked me to move in with him and a mate of his (cause their current housemate was moving out), it was probably a really dumb decision to make but I ended up moving in. I have been here 2 months now and everything was sort of OK, a bit uncomfortable though but now its just weird cause he brings his new girlfriend home.

I'm not sure if I should move out because:
1. I enjoy the chance to see him everyday (maybe I'm not over him)
2. I sort of feel obliged to help cover the rent as I don't have a replacement for the room
3. If I move out he and I might stopped talking to each other (not sure if that would be a good thing or not)

I know this is all my own doing but I didn't want to have any regrets by turning down the offer of moving in with him. But if I was his current girlfriend, I wouldn't like the idea of him living with his ex, even though we broke up a long time ago.

Your opinion of this situation and his motives would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for all replies in advance.

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Originally Posted by Blondie00

but now its just weird cause he brings his new girlfriend home.

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I'm not sure if I should move out because:

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1. I enjoy the chance to see him everyday (maybe I'm not over him)

He's living with you and brining his new girlfriend home obviously oblivious to the fact it makes you uncomfortable? Darlin', please wake up and smell the coffee. He's definitely over you. You're only hurting yourself hanging on to those feelings.

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2. I sort of feel obliged to help cover the rent as I don't have a replacement for the room

If you signed a lease, you are obligated, but you can still move out. Announce that you are leaving. Do everything you can to find a replacement, including placing ads on websites and in newspapers. You will find somebody. Then the responsibility is on him to make sure the rent is paid. He has the right of refusal, but you are not tied to the place if he's just being difficult.

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3. If I move out he and I might stopped talking to each other (not sure if that would be a good thing or not)

I don't even have to know more of the situation to tell you that this would be a good thing. You need to get over this guy, and you can't until you're away from him.

You're not his current girlfriend, and most likely not his future girlfriend, either. Her feelings are her own.

I'm also surprised that his current girlfriend doesn't have a problem with him living with you as an ex. Maybe she does but hasn't admitted it. Or maybe he hasn't admitted it. I'd like to know why he asked you, of all people, after 5 years of being apart, to become a roommate. It doesn't make sense, especially in light of the fact that he currently has a girlfriend. Surely there's plenty of other people he could have had move in with him. A lot of things don't add up here so I think you need to put the ball in your court and make some decisions. You need to accept the fact that it's over between you, once and for all. This is going to go nowhere and by holding on you're only depriving yourself of meeting new people and having satisfying experiences. The longer you hold on, the more you'll miss out on. I'd move out right away and not worry about covering the rent or anything else. Have no more contact with him whatsoever. He is a closed chapter in your life. Get involved with new activities and new friends. Don't continue to keep yourself needless tied down.

S_cianci said a lot of what I was going to so I'm not going to repeat that but I will add that something's wrong with the scenrio where an ex calls after 4 years only to want friendship and nothing more. It seems far fetched after 4 years time, but I wonder if he took the break up so hard and so personal that when he got another girlfriend he called you up and reitroduced you to his life to prove to you that he could date other people and actually make you jealous. That's just a theory and I'm not sure I even believe it but something doesn't make sense here.

You have talked your way into a very unhealthy situation and unless you want to be 2nd or 3rd fiddle and be miserable then you need to leave these folks to their own problems, and build a life you enjoy. If your happy with things the way they are so am I.