Hosting a shower - offended the bride
I offered to have a small shower for a bride who is a generation younger than myself. I had to ask her for a guest list because I'm on the groom's side and do not know her bridal party, friends or family. When I got her list, I realized she'd not included key people who needed to be invited - like the person who owns the house where the party is taking place, the groom's mother, myself and the other hostess, the other hostesses' daughters and so on. When we counted everyone, we were more than double the number of people who we can accommodate for the sit-down brunch we had originally planned. The main reason was that the bride wanted to include men, which doubled the list.
The other hostess and I did not want to include men. For one thing, we are both divorced and really didn't want to host a "couples shower" where we'd be the only people there without partners. We also cannot seat that many people - we don't have enough tables or chairs, and if we rented them, there would be no place to put them. We cannot rent a facility - we are single parents on limited budgets. We also realized we cannot get enough food all hot at the same time for 50 people in a regular single-oven kitchen. And the other hostess wanted to do games, which we can't do if men are present. Even the menu we chose was more female-oriented... like having champagne punch and mimosas... we figured we'd have to offer beer, and more hearty food with men.
So I offered to the bride that we could either eliminate men from the list and have the event we promised, or we would include everyone and not attempt a sit-down meal. Instead we would have a variety of hot and cold, hearty and light appetizers, mini sandwiches, small deserts, skip the mixed drinks (because we'd be too busy to mix and serve them) and just serve coffee, pop, water, beer and wine from coolers on the patio. We explained it would not be as formal but would still be elegant with plenty of good food.
The bride became very offended because I really pushed to eliminate the men. I didn't say so to her, but a party for 50 people is really expensive and the different menu would cost three times what I planned to spend on the brunch. I would be working the entire party to fix all these many dishes instead of the meal I planned, and the place will be a mob scene. Later in the evening, I have to pick my child up at the airport and I'm also worried that the big party will not end on time, whereas a traditional shower is easier to end. When the meal is over and the gifts are opened, people leave.
I'm wondering if I did anything out of line? I kind of feel like the bride is being kind of entitled and also judgemental of me because she cut the list, but also sent a long involved email which was pretty critical of me, claiming we had a "misunderstanding" (which she clearly blames on me). There's no misunderstanding - I just don't live in a mansion, so can't serve a 50 person sit-down meal in my house.