I do my best to live a service focused life, helping people whenever I can. One hazard is that I end up involved in their problems, often of their own making. I've found some adults who need major assistance from friends can at times lack in boundaries and maturity, resulting in the problems they are facing. One such friend is a hoarder. I tried to be proactive by not taking control and making sure she directed the process when helping her clean. I thought the friendship was fine, though progress was thwarted by her hoarding disorder and it was very taxing. I got professional advice on helping without making her dependent.
Well, it didn't work. She terminated the friendship because she felt I was judging her. I didn't say anything inappropriate but she said she just "knew" I felt impatient. I admitted, "yes, I feel impatient because I would like to make faster progress, but I understand it is important to work at your pace, so don't make too much of it".
She maintained the decision to end the friendship, not to unusual - hoarders often lash out at helpers. I can cope with that. But she has been bashing me now to mutual friends, giving the impression I was just critical of her decorating and home. These people don't know she hoardes, she asked I not tell them.
What at would you do? The people she is trashing me to are very close friends of both of us of over 35 years. I don't want to cause her a setback or embarrass her, but people are saying I should apologize because they think I was rude, and don't know the true circumstances - how much I have helped her, that I handled it per recommendations of experts, and that she is a hoarder.